Meemaw: Listen, this cash box is full. Take some of this up and stick it in the register in the video store.
Georgie: You got it.
Meemaw: And don't be flirting with Mandy. I need help back here.
Georgie: Okay, but she might flirt with me. This shirt really brings out my eyes.

Georgie: How's it going? Figure everything out?
Mandy: People give me money, I give them movies. I think I got it.
Georgie: Smart, pregnant, you're the whole package.

Georgie: We have family entertainment as well. Sound of Music. No one shows nothing. [Mrs. Howard storms out]
Mandy: Three times, really?
Georgie: I'm 17.

Pastor Jeff: I was hoping we could chat about your video store.
Meemaw: What about it?
Pastor Jeff: I'm just so glad it's in the hands of a good Christian woman.
Meemaw: Where you headed here, padre?
Pastor Jeff: [clears throat] Well, some of my flock have concerns about the movies y'all rent. You know, the ones with the sexual content and whatnot.
Meemaw: If they don't want to see whatnot, then they shouldn't rent whatnot.
Pastor Jeff: I hear you. God gave us free will. But you're renting temptation. And you know who tempts us? The devil.
Meemaw: So, that's who's making me want to slam this door in your face.

Dr. Linkletter: Do you remember when we came up with the idea for that grant database?
Sheldon: I remember when I came up with the idea.
Dr. Linkletter: Uh, in my office.
Sheldon: In my brain.
Dr. Linkletter: Which was in my office. And, as I recall, I was the one who suggested you build a database.
Sheldon: No, you suggested I build a comic book database.
Dr. Linkletter: Which was the underlying idea.
Sheldon: Fire is the underlying idea for the nuclear power plant, and no one credits the caveman.
Dr. Linkletter: Son, and I call you son because I think of you as family. [Sheldon smiles] Is this the way you would treat your own family?
Sheldon: Not my mom. Everyone else is on their own.

Pastor Jeff: [o.s.] Thank you for saying no to sin!
Mandy: Oh, you got to be kidding me. [walks outside] What are you doing?
Pastor Jeff: We're just asking people to sign our petition if they agree that sin has no place in cinema.
Mandy: Huh. Clever.
Pastor Jeff: Thanks.
Mrs. Howard: And God doesn't want us seeing people's private parts.
Mandy: Didn't he make people's private parts?
Pastor Jeff: He did, and then He made clothes to cover 'em right up.
Mandy: You are scaring away my customers.
Pastor Jeff: You know what's scarier? Hell.
Mandy: Look, you can't just sit here in front of my store.
Mrs. Howard: Freedom of speech. We're allowed.
Mandy: And we're allowed to rent whatever movies we want. People can choose for themselves.
Pastor Jeff: They sure can. If you love God and hate the devil, sign here. [woman signs petition] Where is your halo? 'Cause you are an angel. [chuckles]
Meemaw: Let's just see what the people think about this. [sprays fire extinguisher]
Mandy: Yeah.

Georgie: Have you two lost your minds? We do not need this kind of attention.
Mandy: Attention's good.
Meemaw: Like, free advertising.
Georgie: We're running an illegal gambling room in the back.
Meemaw: Oh, that'll be fine.
Georgie: For you. If we get arrested, y'all go to lady jail. I have to go to scary jail. I'm too pretty for scary jail.
Mandy: No more prison movies for you.

Georgie: All I'm saying is we need to remember where the real money's coming from. If we want it to keep coming, you got to back off.
Meemaw: Okay, fine. I'll behave. When did you start to be the responsible one?
Georgie: Hey, I don't like it, either.

President Hagemeyer: Ah, just the young genius I was hoping to see. Look, I've heard from your parents' lawyer, and I'm a little concerned that this whole thing is getting out of hand.
Sheldon: How so?
President Hagemeyer: Well, you know, lawyers get involved and everything slows down and, well, I'm just worried that someone else might come up with the same idea in the meantime.
Sheldon: I didn't think of that. We should get started.
President Hagemeyer: I agree, but, well, we can't get started until the paperwork is signed. Ugh! Those darn lawyers.
Sheldon: Well, how can we fix this?
President Hagemeyer: Hmm. Well, I guess if you could, well, convince your parents to sign, then we could get rolling. And to make it worth your while, how about we put your name on one of these buildings? How would you feel about "Sheldon Cooper Science Center"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Did you say, "Sheldon Cooper Science Center," or "Sheldon Cooper's Science Center"?
President Hagemeyer: Well, which do you like?
Sheldon: I prefer the possessive. It makes it much more mine.
President Hagemeyer: Then "Sheldon Cooper's Science Center" it is. [chuckles] So, do we have a deal?
Sheldon: Okay.
President Hagemeyer: Excellent. Now get out of here before I pinch those cheeks.

Pastor Jeff: I will remind you my wife is a police officer.
Meemaw: I've just come with a little peace offering. My last copy of Basic Instinct. So there you go. [pulls tape] No more naked ladies, no more Michael Douglas' bare butt giving me impure thoughts. The town is safe again.
Pastor Jeff: Well, thank you for seeing reason.
Meemaw: Well, what kind of good Christian woman would I be if I didn't? So, we square?
Pastor Jeff: It's not about you and me being square, Connie. It's about you and El Jefe Grande.
Meemaw: Mm-hmm. Well, goodbye.
Pastor Jeff: You know, I'd be happy to come down and let you know what other movies are objectionable so we don't have another situation on our hands.
Meemaw: You want to take more movies out of my store?
Pastor Jeff: Again, not me, but there's a guy with a thumb a lot bigger than Siskel or Ebert's.

Georgie: What are y'all doing?
Meemaw: Well, I tried to be nice but he kept pushing.
Mandy: Yeah, so now we're pushing back.
Georgie: Why do you care?
Meemaw: Because I don't like anybody telling me how to run my business, especially him.
Georgie: This is not your business. That room back there with the shady piles of money... That's your business. Your secret, illegal business.
Mandy: So, what, are we just supposed to become a Christian video store now?
Georgie: You know what? In this town, I...
Meemaw: No! I am not gonna let that man win.

George: Sheldon, this is important to all of us. Uh, you got to think about your family.
Mary: Shelly, he's right.
Sheldon: Did you put extra hot dogs in this spaghetti?
Mary: I did.
Sheldon: Okay, I'll talk with the lawyer.
Missy: [whispers to Mary] You're good.

Nelson: Don't you have Die Hard?
Mandy: Not anymore.
Nelson: Why?
Meemaw: It had that bad word in it.
Nelson: What?
Meemaw: "Yippee-ki-yay," etcetera.
Nelson: This store sucks.
Mandy: We know.
Meemaw: Maybe you'd like The Singing Nun.
Nelson: Nope.

Meemaw: Has anybody ever rented The Singing Nun?
Mandy: [types] Just Pastor Jeff.
Meemaw: That figures. Wait a minute. You can see all the movies that Pastor Jeff ever rented?
Mandy: You can see any movie everyone's rented.
Meemaw: Well, let's just see if he's as pious as he pretends to be.
Mandy: Let's find out. [grunts] Jesus Christ Superstar, Jesus of Nazareth, The Blood of Jesus.
Meemaw: Good Lord. How many Jesus movies are there?

Dr. Linkletter: Well, it's yours, from one scientist to another, and that's my point, really. You and I... we need to stick together.
Sheldon: Why?
Dr. Linkletter: Because this university is filled with people who want to exploit our ideas.
Sheldon: That's not my experience. President Hagemeyer just offered me my own building.
Dr. Linkletter: You're being manipulated, you don't even know it. Sheldon, I've seen this a thousand times. A brilliant young mind like yours taken advantage of.
Sheldon: But isn't that what you're trying to do?
Dr. Linkletter: Absolutely not. President Hagemeyer's was a bribe. That is a gift from one peer to another. So what do you say? Are you a scientist or are you a pawn of the administration?
Sheldon: A scientist.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, you are. [chuckles] So, we have a deal?
Sheldon: Okay.