George Sr.: Oh, by the way, I made reservations tonight at that, uh, steakhouse on the Riverwalk.
Coach Wilkins: Ooh, fancy.
George Sr.: Well, yeah. Nothing says fancy like a two-pound slab of meat.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, shoot. I didn't pack my dress shoes.
Mary: See, George? It might be helpful if you mentioned some of these things ahead of time.
George Sr.: Here we go.
Darlene: Wayne's always doing stuff like this.
Mary: I'm glad to know it's not just us.
Darlene: That's why I packed his shoes last night.
Coach Wilkins: You did? Baby, you're the best.
Darlene: Well, how can I be the best when you are?
Mary: [to herself] It is just us.

George Jr.: I got it.
Jana: Anybody see you?
George Jr.: No. And I didn't recognize the guy behind the counter, but I used an Italian accent just in case.
Jana: Please tell me you're joking.
George Jr.: [Italian accent] Oh, I'm-a no joking.
Jana: Oh, God.
George Jr.: Here. Do it.
Jana: I can't do it here. I have to pee on it.
George Jr.: Okay, fine. Although we've done crazier stuff in this truck.

Sheldon: I don't want anything. I'm not hungry.
Meemaw: Well, what's the matter?
Sheldon: My friends were supposed to play Dungeons & Dragons with me, but they cancelled.
Meemaw: Aw. Sorry.
Dale: We can play it with you.
Sheldon: Really?
Meemaw: Dale, that's nice, but... I don't think you'll like it.
Dale: Afraid I might beat you?
Sheldon: Actually, there's no one winner. It's a cooperative game where you use your imagination to explore a fantasy world with the help of the Dungeon Master's pre-planned scenarios and the rolling of polyhedral dice.
Meemaw: Still sound fun?
Dale: Yeah. Sorta.

Dale: So what's Sheldon like?
Missy: A pain in the ass.
Meemaw: No, he means, what does Sheldon like on his pizza?
Missy: Oh. [shouts] Sheldon! What do you want on your pizza!?
Meemaw: Still glad you came?
Dale: Actually, I am.
Sheldon: [enters] I don't want any pizza.
Missy: See? Pain in the ass.

Dale: I figured we'd order pizza.
Missy: Okay.
Dale: What do you want on it?
Missy: Everything except onions, green peppers, mushrooms, spinach...
Dale: No vegetables. Got it.
Meemaw: How about a little salad, too?
Missy: If you like wasting money.
Meemaw: Spoken like a true Texan.

Darlene: Whoo-wee! Ha-ha! Hey, Mary.
Mary: Darlene, good to see you.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, hey. George, how's it going?
George Sr.: Good, good. We were definitely not arguing ten seconds ago.

Mary: Why didn't you tell me there was a pool? I would've brought my bathing suit.
George Sr.: Hotels have pools... didn't think I needed to mention it.
Mary: Well, it would have been nice if you did.
George Sr.: They also have beds in the rooms. Did you remember your pajamas?
Mary: Okay, you don't have to act like that.
George Sr.: Well, you don't need to blame me 'cause you forgot your bathing suit.
Mary: Well, I guess we're not going in the pool.
George Sr.: Maybe you're not. I packed my suit.
Mary: Are you gonna behave like this all weekend?
George Sr.: What? Responsible and fun-loving? Probably.
Mary: You are such a... monkey butt.
George Sr.: [laughs] Come on. There's got to be more insulting name you can call me.
Mary: I am sure there is, but they're about to get in and they do not need to hear us arguing.

Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.

George Jr.: This can't be happening. How sure are you?
Jana: I'm not sure. That's why I want to get the test.
George Jr.: Well, you don't look pregnant.
Jana: That's not how it works, Georgie.
George Jr.: I know. I'm just freaking out right now.
Jana: Let's just go to the drugstore.
George Jr.: Right. I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
Jana: Please don't say that.

George Jr.: What do you want to do later? Movies? Putt-putt?
Jana: I was thinking maybe we could go get a test.
George Jr.: What kind of test?
Jana: The... pregnancy kind.
George Jr.: [to a customer who enters] We're closed.
Man: But the sign says...
George Jr.: We're closed!

Mary: All right, baby, we're leaving here in a few minutes, but we'll be back on Sunday and your Meemaw will be here. [Sheldon doesn't respond] Sheldon?
Sheldon: What?
Mary: We're leaving.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Mary: To San Antonio.
Sheldon: When are you leaving?
Mary: In a few minutes.
Sheldon: When will you get back?
Mary: Sunday.
Sheldon: But who's going to watch us?
Mary: Meemaw.
Sheldon: Okay. Bye.
Mary: Can you at least give me a hug?
Sheldon: I can.

George Jr.: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George Sr.: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
George Jr.: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George Sr.: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
George Jr.: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George Sr.: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
George Jr.: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.

Meemaw: Where are y'all going?
Mary: George has a coaches conference in San Antonio.
Meemaw: Oh, and you weaseled your way in? Good for you.
Mary: I didn't weasel.
Meemaw: So it was his idea?
Mary: Not exactly.
Meemaw: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a weasel. [laughs] Congratulations.

Mary: I thought you and Dale might have plans.
Meemaw: We might hang out, but... it's fine.
Mary: Something going on?
Meemaw: Mm-mm.
Mary: Sounds like something.
Meemaw: Well... he's trying to be a better person, and... it's weird.
Mary: Weird how?
Meemaw: Just doesn't seem natural.
Mary: I don't follow.
Meemaw: Like when you see a dancing bear at the circus, and you know it just wants to rip some clown's head off.
Mary: That's graphic.

Missy: What's up?
Coach Wilkins: Watching the game with your dad.
Missy: Where is he?
Coach Wilkins: Getting yelled at by your mom.
Missy: Cool. [sits down]

George Sr.: I didn't know he was bringing his wife.
Mary: And of course it didn't even occur to you to ask me?
George Sr.: Well, no, but isn't that better than thinking about it and then not doing it?
Mary: They both make you a jerk.
George Sr.: [sighs] Since when are you interested in a coaches conference?
Mary: I am interested in a weekend at a nice hotel by a river.
George Sr.: Hotel is pretty nice.

Coach Wilkins: Oh, hey, Darlene wanted to know if you were gonna pack anything nice to wear.
Mary: For what?
Coach Wilkins: The coaches conference.
Mary: I wasn't going to that. Darlene's going?
Coach Wilkins: A free weekend in San Antonio? [chuckles] Hotel on the river? Of course she's going.
Mary: Oh.
Coach Wilkins: Did George not invite you?
Mary: No, he didn't.
Coach Wilkins: Honestly, what is wrong with that man?
George Sr.: Game time! [both look at George]
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: Mom's just mad I'm playing Dungeons & Dragons.
George Sr.: Oh, good.

Coach Wilkins: Hey, Mary.
Mary: Wayne, come on in.
Coach Wilkins: Thank you.
Mary: George just ran to pick up some beers.
Coach Wilkins: It's funny when he runs, ain't it?

Adult Sheldon: As long as I can remember, unlocking the mechanisms that govern the physical universe was my greatest passion.
Mary: Whatcha workin' on?
Sheldon: Dungeons & Dragons.
Adult Sheldon: Hey, even Hawking took a roll through the park once in a while.
Sheldon: I'm working on a new campaign to play with Tam and Billy.
Mary: You know how I feel about that game.
Sheldon: I'm aware, which is why the most wicked thing in it is my sense of humor. [doorbell rings]
Mary: [sighs] I still don't like it. But you are playing with other kids, so I'll take it as a win.
Adult Sheldon: Not just playing with other kids, controlling every aspect of their destiny as their Dungeon Master overlord. I didn't believe in God but I sure loved acting like one.

Adult Sheldon: That night, my brother turned a ratty old van into his chariot of love. Romance was in the air.
Mr. Boggs: Hey.
George Jr.: Oh. Hey, Mr. Boggs. I-I'm just here to pick up Jana.
Mr. Boggs: You think you're taking my daughter out in this?
George Jr.: No worries. I'll have her home by 11:00.
Mr. Boggs: [exhales] [grabs the door handle]
George Jr.: Ooh. I wouldn't open that.
Mr. Boggs: Move. [exhales]
[As Mr. Boggs looks inside Georgie's newly furnished van, complete with twinkle lights and a lava lamp, his eyes are drawn towards the freshly-made bed.]
George Jr.: It's got a mini fridge.
[later:]
George Jr.: I thought about what you said. I'm returning the van. Good night.