Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Sheldon: Mom, Mom, Mom.
Mary: What's wrong?
George Sr.: What's going on?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw had their first sleepover. It's a big step in their relationship. I'm going to go congratulate them.
George Sr.: Hey, put on a jacket, it's chilly out.
Sheldon: Will do!
Mary: Or try saying he can't go.
George Sr.: Oh, never mind, you can't go!
Sheldon: The last thing I heard was jacket!

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Sheldon: This is very promising.
Missy: What's happening?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis's bike is still at Meemaw's.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: That means he probably is, too.
Missy: You need to get a life.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: You seem quiet. Is everything okay?
Meemaw: Are you not interested in me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Of course I am. I'm very interested.
Meemaw: Then how come when I I invited you to spend the night, I got rejected?
Dr. John Sturgis: I did do that, didn't I?
Meemaw: Good Lord, yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can explain.
Meemaw: Please do.
Dr. John Sturgis: I didn't want you to think that I would think that you were the sort of woman who would engage in coitus simply because I cooked you a Sichuan dinner.
Meemaw: It was better before you explained.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Missy: When I grow up, I'm gonna eat lobster every night.
George Sr.: Well, hon, you better stay in school and get a good education.
Missy: I was thinking I'd just marry a rich guy.
George Sr.: Sure, that's a way to go.
Missy: Or a guy who works at Red Lobster.
George Sr.: That's another way to go.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Sr.: The trick is not to make eye contact.
Missy: Tell him.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Jr.: Don't they make babies that are born too soon stay in the hospital?
Mary: Normally, yes, but you were born with such a great head full of hair that they sent you home with us.
George Jr.: That's the first thing you've said that makes sense.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: You know, it's a long bike ride at night. If you want you're welcome to stay.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it's fine, I-I have a headlight on my bicycle.
Meemaw: Oh, sure, sure. Although, I hear it might rain.
Dr. John Sturgis: No worries. I have a pocket poncho.
Meemaw: So you do. John, I'm inviting you to spend the night.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. No, thank you.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice. I'm about to break a sweat here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, here's something you might find interesting. Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.
Meemaw: So what does the runny nose do for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.
Meemaw: You are such a gentleman.
Dr. John Sturgis: When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette. That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.
Meemaw: I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Missy: And then Heather B said she didn't want to play tetherball with Heather M anymore.
George Sr.: Wait. Th-There's two Heathers?
Missy: Oh, yeah.
George Sr.: Which one's which?
Missy: Heather B is stuck up. Heather M used to be stuck up, but then she got a scoliosis brace.
George Sr.: Maybe she shouldn't be playing tetherball.
Missy: That's what Heather B said.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Jr.: So what do you want to talk about?
Mary: Um, I don't know. How's school?
George Jr.: It's school, it's a turd fest.
Mary: Charming. Are you dating anyone?
George Jr.: Nah, nobody up to my standards.
Mary: Sure.
George Jr.: Can I ask you a question?
Mary: Course, you can ask me anything.
George Jr.: Were you pregnant with me when you married Dad?
Mary: Um, why would you ask that?
George Jr.: Sheldon said so.
Mary: How would Sheldon know?
George Jr.: He did the math.
Mary: What math?
George Jr.: He said the time between my birthday and your wedding day was six months.
Mary: Um, yeah. That's because you were born premature.
George Jr.: I've seen my birth certificate, it said I weighed nine pounds.
Mary: Yes, that's true. You were a big fat preemie. Let's talk about something else.
George Jr.: Why?
Mary: 'Cause I'd very much like to.