Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I was hoping we could discuss puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: Then allow me to dash your hopes. No.
Sheldon: But I think I may be entering it, and I would like to talk about it, man-to-blossoming-young-man.
Dr. Linkletter: Wouldn't you rather talk to your father or a schoolmate or literally anyone else?
Sheldon: But you went through it once. Sure, it was a long, long time ago, but I'm assuming the basics haven't changed.
Dr. Linkletter: Hold that thought.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, may I speak with you?
Dr. Linkletter: If I say no, will you leave?
Sheldon: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Then why even ask?
Sheldon: It's called manners.

Mary: What are you doing home?
George Sr.: I quit my job.
Mary: What? Why?
George Sr.: The school offered it to Wayne. I wasn't gonna sit around waiting to get fired.
Mary: Oh. You doing okay?
George Sr.: No, Mary, not really. We're standing here without jobs in a house we're not done paying for.
Mary: Well, you're still working at Ballard's, right?
George Sr.: That ain't gonna cover the mortgage.
Mary: We've been through tough spots before. We'll figure it out and... I know you don't want to hear it, but I've been praying on this...
George Sr.: You're right. I don't want to hear it.

Wendy: This is... just a pimple.
Sheldon: Well, how can you be sure it isn't chickenpox? Or smallpox? Or monkeypox, which I know sounds made-up, but is very real.
Wendy: Have you been near any monkeys?
Sheldon: No.
Wendy: Try benzoyl peroxide. It's over the counter.
[fantasy: A.V. and Pus:]
A.V.: Oh, no, not... benzoyl peroxide. [high-pitched] I'm melting! I'm melting! [normal voice] Give me a break.
[reality:]
Sheldon: But a pimple is a sign of puberty, and I'm showing no other indicators. No armpit or chest hair, and I have so little interest in the opposite sex, I barely noticed you're a woman.
Wendy: Thank you.

Meemaw: What the hell are you doing?
George Jr.: Making extra money.
Meemaw: Are you crazy? You're gonna get us all arrested.
George Jr.: You're paying off the cops, ain't you?
Meemaw: For gambling. You start selling liquor without a license, you're asking for trouble.
George Jr.: I'm having a baby. I need cash.
Meemaw: Well, think of something else.
George Jr.: Well, can I have a raise?
Meemaw: Are you selling that or drinking it?

Wade: I'll take a beer.
George Jr.: Celebrating a win?
Wade: No, I've been losing all morning.
George Jr.: Couple more of them, you won't give a crap.
Wade: Let's hope.

Mary: Doesn't look like a bug bite.
Missy: It's probably a pimple.
Sheldon: It's not, I don't get those.
[fantasy: A.V. continues to address the camera from his chair, while Pus is blowing up a balloon while seated on a stool:]
A.V.: As you might expect, we pimples are not very fond of popping things, but I was about to burst this young man's bubble. [Pus pops the balloon]
[reality:]
Missy: Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
Sheldon: No, it's not. My hygiene is impeccable.
Missy: Zit.
Mary: Everybody gets 'em sooner or later, baby.
Sheldon: I'm not everybody.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: No one is ever happy to see me. My therapist says that's their problem, not mine. [Pus rolls his eyes] But, honestly, it hurts. [Pus makes a mocking gesture] Pus? This is supposed to be a safe space. [Pus continues mocking A.V.]

Sheldon: What is that? A bug bite?
[fantasy: a man (Penn Gillette) addresses the camera from a large chair:]
A.V.: Hello, allow me to introduce myself. I am Acne Vulgarus. More commonly known as the pimple. Frankly, neither name paints a very pretty picture, but such is the life of a pustule. [a smaller man (Teller) is seated on a stool] And this is my longtime colleague, Pus. Now, we're usually associated with, uh, ugliness and discomfort, but I would argue we're actually a symbol of growth. In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent... or descent... into adulthood. Kind of a signpost that says, "You are now entering puberty." [Pus holds up a sign reading exactly that] Yeah, like that.

Adult Sheldon: [hushed] This is why the only bar I frequent is the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.

Adult Sheldon: I've heard people say fathers are the real superheroes. My dad couldn't fly or bend steel, and you would not want to see him in Spandex. But like Superman, he had his Fortress of Solitude.

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it.
Missy: And bless Mom.
Mary: Thank you. Amen.
Missy: Amen.
George Jr.: Amen.
Sheldon: She's the hands that prepared it. Your blessing is redundant.
Mary: Let's eat.

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
George Jr.: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Mary: Georgie, how was your day?
George Jr.: Pretty good, actually. Me and Mandy went to the baby doctor.
Missy: She actually wanted you there?
George Jr.: Not at first, but I wore her down.

Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
President Hagemeyer: Mrs. Cooper, it's Linda Hagemeyer.
Mary: Is everything okay?
President Hagemeyer: Well, I was hoping that you could tell me. [chuckles] Uh, Sheldon was in my office earlier and was pretty upset about the situation at home.
Mary: What did he tell you?
President Hagemeyer: Nothing much, really, just that his parents are fighting all the time, his older brother got a girl pregnant and his sister punched a little boy in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well... [sighs] ...it's been a busy couple of days. Just, you know, life... One thing after another.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, ain't that the truth. Anyway, I'm sure that you know this university has invested quite a bit in Sheldon's progress, and, uh, well, not to be critical, but... he didn't come to you complaining about me.
Mary: What are you saying? Are you saying that I'm not doing a good job as his mother? Because I am doing the best that I can to hold this family together, and I am tired of everyone blaming me. [Missy is listening in the hallway] I have half a mind to get in my car and drive until I run out of road and then start my life over again with a different name.
President Hagemeyer: Okay. Sure. So, uh... sounds like you've got a handle on this. So good to talk to you. Um, have a lovely evening.
Mary: You too! [hangs up] [cries] [Missy hugs Mary] Oh... [sniffles]

Mary: Oh, Pastor Rob dropped by.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: Just seeing how we were doing.
George Sr.: You mean to see how you were doing.
Mary: [sighs] What's that supposed to mean?
George Sr.: Come on, Mary, you... you're not fooling anybody.
Mary: We were just praying.
[Missy is listening to the conversation from the hallway]
George Sr.: Is that what we're calling it?
Mary: Yes, because that's what it was.
George Sr.: All right. I've had enough of this.
Mary: Where are you going? I'm making dinner. [phone ringing]
George Sr.: Yeah, well, maybe Pastor Rob'll eat it. [exits]
Mary: George!

George Jr.: I'm hoping for a boy, but as long as it's healthy, that's all that matters. What are y'all having?

Coach Wilkins: Hey, you heard from George today?
Principal Petersen: George. Cooper? No. You?
Coach Wilkins: No. Hoping that he would join us.
Principal Petersen: Well, he's going through a tough time at home, you got to cut him a little slack.
[George has been seated at their table drinking a beer the whole time]
George Sr.: Are you done?
Principal Petersen: I don't know. What do you think?
Coach Wilkins: I can keep going.
Principal Petersen: Me too. You ever wonder how that Sheldon kid wound up being so smart?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, you mean like was there a genius pizza delivery guy or mailman in the mix?
Principal Petersen: Exactly.
George Sr.: All right, that's enough. And for the record, my grandfather was a brilliant man. Co-invented the traffic cone. Used to be wood, he made it rubber. That's right.

Principal Petersen: I know I'm opening myself up for cheap shots, but I'm thinking about getting a rug.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, they're called hair systems now. My brother just got one. He went from bald to Rick James like that.
Principal Petersen: I'm just trying to get back out there with the ladies. Wouldn't hurt having something up here, you know, for them to hold on to.
Coach Wilkins: Good for you. Although the right gal wouldn't care.
Principal Petersen: Says the man who doesn't have to put sunblock on his head. [both laugh]

Mary: Why aren't you in school?
Missy: You told me not to punch anyone else, so I left.
Mary: Well... go to your room.

Mary: I just can't believe the church turned its back on us.
Pastor Rob: The church may have, but God didn't.
Mary: [sighs] I don't feel His presence right now.
Pastor Rob: Well, let's invite Him to join us.
Mary: Oh, ok-okay. [they hold hands]
Pastor Rob: Heavenly Father, we ask for Your guidance in these troubled times. Please, watch over Mary Cooper and her family, let her know that though this unborn child is out of wedlock, he or she is a miracle in Your creation and should be celebrated as such. Amen.
Mary: Amen.
Missy: [through the window] What's going on here?
Mary: Uh, uh, praying, we're praying. [lets go of Rob's hands]
Pastor Rob: Just praying.