Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

George Sr.: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey.
George Sr.: Oh. [sighs] Hi, Connie.
Meemaw: Is your power out?
George Sr.: No. Yours?
Meemaw: Well, I just like asking everybody that question. Of course it's out.
George Sr.: Don't yell at me.
Meemaw: I'm not yelling at you. It's just such a stupid question. Maybe it's just my side of the street.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

George Jr.: How about, while this runs, I take you to dinner?
Mandy: How old are you?
George Jr.: [inner monologue] Do not say 17. [out loud] Old enough.
Mandy: Old enough to what? To drink?
George Jr.: Yes, ma'am.
Mandy: [chuckles] "Ma'am"? How old do you think I am?
George Jr.: Well, I'm also old enough to know that's a trap, so... How old are you?
Mandy: 25.
George Jr.: 21.
Mandy: I was worried you were gonna say "19."
George Jr.: Oh, no, I promise I'm not 19.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

George Jr.: You know one of the best things about working here? I always smell like dryer sheets.
Mandy: Is that a good thing?
George Jr.: Compared to how I used to smell, yeah.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Peg: [whispers to Mary] If Sheldon finds booze, dibs.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Billy Sparks: I've seen this before. They're big now, but they're gonna get small.
Missy: Yeah. It's called Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Billy Sparks: [whispers] If you get scared, I'm here.
Missy: Terrific.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Sheldon: I'm neither holding hands nor praying. I don't even know why I walked over here.
Pastor Rob: Heavenly Father, may this evening bring us closer to you. Keep us safe and, most importantly, Heavenly Father, help us rock this night of fellowship. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
All: Amen.
Pastor Rob: I don't think he heard you.
All: Amen!
Sheldon: He can't hear you because he's not real.
Pastor Rob: One more time for Sheldon, y'all. [Sheldon covers his ears]
All: Amen!

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Pastor Jeff: Well, I've already confiscated a can of shaving cream, a box of stink bombs and a PG- movie.
Mary: What was the movie?
Pastor Jeff: Dirty Dancing. Which is redundant because all dancing's dirty.
Mary: Well, I guess it's good we got some eyes on the inside.
[When Mary and Jeff look over at Sheldon, who is pretending to read a book, he subtly nods]

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Mary: Last chance. You can still come chaperone.
George Sr.: Hmm. All night in a church with a bunch of other people's kids.
Mary: And Pastor Jeff and Pastor Rob.
George Sr.: Ooh, two pastors? Well, that is hard to say no to, but let me give it a shot. No.
Mary: Your loss. Missy, tell Billy we're leaving in minutes!
Missy: [o.s.] Okay!
George Sr.: Billy's going, too, huh?
Mary: Yeah, of course.
George Sr.: And Brenda gonna chaperone?
Mary: She was less interested than you.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Oh, there's no way she's less interested than me.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Mandy: And now I'm here, hoping I don't run into anybody I went to high school with.
George Jr.: Well, I think you're safe. Loretta there is one of our younger customers.
Mandy: Oh. Seems like a good place to meet girls.
George Jr.: I met you. But play it cool. Loretta can get real jealous.
Mandy: [whispers]: Okay.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

George Jr.: So, what'd you do in San Antonio?
Mandy: I was the weather girl at the local TV station.
George Jr.: No way. So you were on TV?
Mandy: 5:30 every morning. More people are seeing me right here.
George Jr.: Why'd you leave?
Mandy: The station manager and I broke up. But now his new girlfriend gets to be on TV. At 8:30. That bitch.
George Jr.: That sucks.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Mandy: Did you give it the old push-pull?
George Jr.: You're back soon.
Mandy: What do you know about getting wine stains out of rayon?
George Jr.: You got to let it soak first.
Mandy: Does that work?
George Jr.: I don't know. That's just my answer to every laundry question.
Mandy: [laughs] Smooth.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Mary: So, what do you say?
Sheldon: Disrupting my sleep schedule to fraternize with children my own age? We both know the answer.
Mary: I figured. I just wanted to make sure. Although I could use someone as my eyes and ears if the kids get to causing trouble.
Sheldon: Are you asking me to help enforce the rules and police the other children?
Mary: Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that.
Sheldon: Because if you do, I'm in.
Mary: Then what you said.
Sheldon: I need to pick out pajamas.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Mary: I have something fun for us to do on Saturday night.
Missy: Ooh, what?
Mary: The church is thinking...
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Ugh.
Mary: Hold on. We're gonna do an overnight lock-in with pizza and games and movies.
Missy: Boys and girls?
Mary: Yes.
Missy: I got to find cute pajamas.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Sheldon: Wil Wheaton plays Wesley Crusher. He's a child prodigy who's very young to be on the bridge of a Galaxy-class starship.
Missy: Okay.
Sheldon: But he's so intelligent that most people come to rely on him.
Missy: Okay.
Sheldon: Sounds kind of familiar, huh?
Missy: Okay.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

George Jr.: I'm Georgie.
Mandy: Mandy. And now that we're on a first-name basis, I'm gonna throw my underwear in here.
George Jr.: And since I'm a gentleman, I ain't gonna look.
Mandy: You just looked.
George Jr.: I did.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

George Jr.: I ain't seen you in here before.
Mandy: Oh, I just moved back from San Antonio.
George Jr.: Oh, big city girl.
Mandy: Well, now I'm "living back with my parents" girl.
George Jr.: That's all right. I lived with my folks not too long ago.
Mandy: Isn't it weird? Whenever you live at home, no matter how old you are, you feel like a teenager.
George Jr.: It did feel that way.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

George Jr.: Need a hand?
Mandy: This thing ate my quarters, and now it's stuck.
George Jr.: That tends to happen with number seven. What you want to do is a push-pull.
Mandy: And here I was just pushing like a damn fool. [chuckles]

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Pastor Rob: Hey, you want to chaperone with me?
Mary: Oh. Uh... I don't know.
Pastor Rob: Come on. We'll pull an all-nighter. It'll be fun.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah, Mary. Don't be such a lame-o. [Rob chuckles]
Mary: I'm not a lame-o. I'm a fun-o.
Pastor Jeff: So you're in?
Mary: You betcha.
Pastor Rob: All right. Fun-o is in. We got ourselves a lock-in to plan.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Pastor Jeff: Lock-in? I love it!
Pastor Rob: Look at that.
Mary: You always say no.
Pastor Jeff: That was before I had a baby in the house. I love him, but a night away sounds like magic.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Pastor Rob: Question. Y'all ever had a youth lock-in?
Mary: Oh. No. Whenever we talk about it, Pastor Jeff shoots it down.
Pastor Rob: Why? Kids love sleepovers. Doing it here shows them church can be fun.
Mary: I don't know. The Methodists did it last year. They're still cleaning up Silly String.