Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: What if it's just a short story? Would you read it then?
Meemaw: Why do you care if I read this?
Sheldon: Let's see. Perhaps it has something to do with Pop Pop dying before we ever got to discuss the books he gave me.
Meemaw: How short a story?
Sheldon: Nightfall's only 30 pages.
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Excellent. Why did you change your mind?
Meemaw: Because you made me feel bad about my dead husband.
Sheldon: Neat.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Guess what. Dr. Sturgis, Dr. Linkletter and I are starting an Isaac Asimov book club.
Meemaw: That's nice.
Sheldon: I'm glad you think so because you should join.
Meemaw: And I think... no.
Sheldon: But this is perfect for you.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: Because three smart people will be there to explain things that go over your head.
Meemaw: I'm gonna bonk you over your head in a minute.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Sr.: Hey, what are you doing here?
George Jr.: I just had to talk to Dale.
George Sr.: You all right? You look like you saw a ghost.
George Jr.: Yeah, I'm good.
George Sr.: Look, I know I've been busy, but if you ever want to talk, I'm around.
George Jr.: Actually, uh... I-I... I got a... I got a girl pregnant.
George Sr.: What the hell's the matter with you?!
[George picks up Dale's cash register and smashes it through a glass display case, before tearing his own shirt off]
[reality:]
George Sr.: Hello? I said if you ever want to talk, I'm here.
George Jr.: Thanks. Gotta go.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Jr.: All right. I know what I need to do.
Dale: Tell your parents?
George Jr.: Do the right thing and marry her.
Dale: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Georgie... no one has to get married here.
George Jr.: Well, my dad got my mom pregnant, and he married her.
Dale: Rushing into marriage with someone you hardly know is a bad idea.
George Jr.: Maybe we could be happy together.
Dale: How does she feel about you right now?
George Jr.: Pissed. But she's pregnant, so it's probably just chick hormones.
Dale: Well, tell her that and see what happens.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dale: So the baby's yours?
George Jr.: What am I gonna do?
Dale: Is there any chance she might decide not to have it? Put it up for adoption?
George Jr.: Not happening. She's keeping it.
Dale: Well, I hope you enjoyed being young and carefree, because that ship has sailed.
George Jr.: Not helpful.
Dale: No.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Jr.: It's Georgie.
Mandy: [opens door] What?
George Jr.: I know I was a little freaked out the last time I was here.
Mandy: You should be.
George Jr.: But I had some time to think, and there's something I need to ask you.
Mandy: Yeah?
George Jr.: Are you sure that baby's mine?
[cut to Georgie in Dale's office again:]
George Jr.: She did not like that question at all.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Have you read The Gods Themselves?
Dr. Linkletter: "We cannot stop Estwald."
Both: "We are Estwald!"
Dr. John Sturgis: Who's Estwald?
Sheldon: You don't know him either?
Dr. John Sturgis: I know who Asimov is, but I've never read his work.
Dr. Linkletter: Talk about big boy science. The man coined the term "robotics."
Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh.
Sheldon: Maybe we could have a book club.
Dr. John Sturgis: My social schedule is astonishingly open.
Dr. Linkletter: What a lovely way to honor Asimov's life.
Sheldon: It'll be like my mom's Bible study, but we know the characters aren't real.
Dr. Linkletter: What book should we start with?
Dr. John Sturgis: That naked one sounded good.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh, perhaps the cold dark matter we're looking for is not the axion but the majoron.
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's it? I just laid down some big boy science.
Sheldon: Sorry. We lost a great man today, and no one seems to care.
Dr. Linkletter: Asimov?
Sheldon: Yes, Asimov.
Dr. Linkletter: I told three people the news, and you know what they said?
Sheldon: "Who's that?"
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly. What's wrong with the world? The man's a legend.
Sheldon: I didn't know you were a fan.
Dr. Linkletter: Ever since I read The Naked Sun. I'll admit, I came for the naked, but I stayed for the interplanetary conspiracies.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Missy: Do you think Pastor Jeff will let me babysit for him?
Mary: I don't know. Their baby isn't even a year old yet.
Missy: Heather M. got ten bucks, and all she did was watch MTV while her cousin slept. [scoffs] What a scam.
Mary: It's not always that easy.
Missy: They lay there like a lump. How hard can it be? [Mary sighs] Will you please just ask Pastor Jeff?
Mary: I... I don't think you're gonna like it.
Missy: You don't think I'm responsible enough.
Mary: All I said was I don't think you're gonna like it.
Missy: I don't like homework, but I do it.
Mary: I have seen your homework. Is that how you're gonna take care of a baby?
Missy: Math is harder than babies.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Meemaw: You haven't said a thing about my new car.
Sheldon: Oh. I hate it.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: How are you holding up?
Meemaw: With what?
Sheldon: The death of Isaac Asimov.
Meemaw: Who?
Sheldon: Pop Pop's favorite science fiction writer, remember?
Meemaw: [chuckles] At this rate, you're lucky I remember Pop Pop.
Sheldon: Well, he gave me Asimov's Foundation trilogy for my fifth birthday.
Meemaw: I remember he used to try to get me to read that stuff. Boring!
Sheldon: Boring? Asimov invented the laws of robotics and the concept of a galactic empire.
Meemaw: If a book doesn't have a shirtless guy with long hair on the cover, I ain't reading it.
Sheldon: You're missing out.
Meemaw: I'm really not.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Jr.: My folks are gonna kill me.
Dale: They don't know yet?
George Jr.: You're the only person I told.
Dale: Oh, no, I don't want that.
George Jr.: Please help me.
Dale: [sighs] All right, first things first. Are you sure this kid's even yours?
George Jr.: Yeah. We've been sleeping together.
Dale: Well, that doesn't mean it's yours.
George Jr.: [cheerfully] Maybe she cheated on me.
Dale: We can only hope.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Jr.: Can I talk to you about something?
Dale: Come on, this is my coffee time.
George Jr.: It's more important than your coffee.
Dale: If I don't drink my coffee, I don't go to the bathroom. That's important.
George Jr.: That girl I was seeing is pregnant.
Dale: You win. Sit.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Oh, I'm assuming you heard the bad news.
Mary: What news?
Sheldon: Isaac Asimov died.
Mary: Oh, no, is that one of your school friends?
Sheldon: What? No, he's one of the most prolific science fiction writers in the history of the genre.
George Sr.: Never heard of him.
Sheldon: Sure you have. He wrote I, Robot, the Foundation trilogy.
George Sr.: Nope.
Sheldon: Nightfall? The Posotronic Man?
George Sr.: You ever heard of this guy?
Mary: Mm-mm.
Sheldon: Caves of Steel. Hostess. The Naked Sun?
George Sr.: Whoever he is, sorry he died. Gotta go. Bye.
Mary: Bye.
Adult Sheldon: Astonishing. Asimov wrote almost 500 books, which was apparently 500 more than my family had read.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Mary: What time are you home tonight?
George Sr.: Late. I'm working at Ballard's after practice again.
Mary: How long can you keep this up?
George Sr.: Uh, maybe I'll get fired from the high school and only have one job to worry about.
Mandy: I'm sorry.
George Sr.: Me, too.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Jr.: Are you sure?
Mandy: [picks up pregnancy test] I'm sure.
George Jr.: Sometimes these things ain't accurate. Maybe take another one.
Mandy: [picks up another test] Here you go.
George Jr.: Two is convincing, but-but three...
Mandy: I'm pregnant, Georgie!
George Jr.: [sighs] What happens now?
Mandy: I don't know. I've never been knocked up by a 17-year-old before.
George Jr.: Well, if it helps, I turn 18 in March.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

George Jr.: Can we talk?
Mandy: [sighs] We better.
George Jr.: What's going on?
Mandy: I'm pregnant.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Adult Sheldon: I may have promised Paige I wouldn't tell my mother. Thankfully, Missy didn't. I don't know what lip gloss flavor says "mature," but that would be my sister.
Mary: Paige?
Missy: Where is she?
Sheldon: There's a note. "Sheldon, thank you for letting me stay here, but I have to go. I'm happy you're doing well. I need to find that for myself somewhere. I hope I can. Your friend, Paige."
Adult Sheldon: After a few frantic nights, Paige showed up at her mom's. They had a lot to figure out. Being a parent isn't easy. I know I made life difficult for my family. And my own kids do the same to me. Just yesterday, I had to take my son Leonard to the skate park, like a regular park isn't bad enough. It's safe to say, having children is challenging.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Mary: Where you going?
George Sr.: To meet Dale at the bar. [sighs] I really don't want to hear about this relationship anymore.
Mary: At least he talks about it. My mom just wants to drink and pretend she's fine.
George Sr.: That sounds great. Hey, maybe you and I can switch. I'll-I'll finish the dishes, you go hang out with Dale.
Mary: We can't switch.
George Sr.: Sure you can. Grab your coat.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Missy: What else you bringing her?
Sheldon: Toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and these feminine napkins. Is one box enough?
Missy: Should be plenty.
Sheldon: I hope so. She's been awfully moody.
Missy: Maybe you aren't the best person to be handling this.
Sheldon: Agreed, but I'm all she's got.
Missy: I feel like you should tell Mom.
Sheldon: I promised I wouldn't.
Missy: I know, but this sounds serious.
Sheldon: I got her a toothbrush and lady pads, what more can I do?