Missy: What's up?
Coach Wilkins: Watching the game with your dad.
Missy: Where is he?
Coach Wilkins: Getting yelled at by your mom.
Missy: Cool. [sits down]

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it.
Missy: And bless Mom.
Mary: Thank you. Amen.
Missy: Amen.
George Jr.: Amen.
Sheldon: She's the hands that prepared it. Your blessing is redundant.
Mary: Let's eat.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

George Jr.: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George Sr.: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
George Jr.: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George Sr.: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
George Jr.: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George Sr.: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
George Jr.: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.

Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George Sr.: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.