Coach Wilkins: Oh, hey, Darlene wanted to know if you were gonna pack anything nice to wear.
Mary: For what?
Coach Wilkins: The coaches conference.
Mary: I wasn't going to that. Darlene's going?
Coach Wilkins: A free weekend in San Antonio? [chuckles] Hotel on the river? Of course she's going.
Mary: Oh.
Coach Wilkins: Did George not invite you?
Mary: No, he didn't.
Coach Wilkins: Honestly, what is wrong with that man?
George Sr.: Game time! [both look at George]
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: Mom's just mad I'm playing Dungeons & Dragons.
George Sr.: Oh, good.

Coach Wilkins: You ever tell him you're proud?
George Sr.: He knows.
Coach Wilkins: I think it's important for children to hear it.
George Sr.: You don't even have kids.
Coach Wilkins: I teach and coach teenage boys. I also put up with your childish nonsense.
George Sr.: Georgie's just being so damn disrespectful, I don't want to reward that.
Coach Wilkins: All right.
George Sr.: My father never said he was proud of me. I turned out just fine.
Coach Wilkins: George, I'm just trying to have a nice day, make some white folks uncomfortable. Can you please?

George Sr.: Do you have any women friends?
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Mary finally wise up and kick you to the curb?
George Sr.: I'm being serious.
Coach Wilkins: I have plenty of women friends. Matter of fact, my best friend's a woman.
George Sr.: Are you gonna say your wife?
Coach Wilkins: You know I am. She got in the shower with me this morning.
George Sr.: I don't need to hear that.
Coach Wilkins: How could something be so clean and so dirty at the same time?
George Sr.: I'm sorry I asked.
Coach Wilkins: Are you upset 'cause I said she was my best friend and not you?
George Sr.: No.
Coach Wilkins: You're in the top three.
George Sr.: Stop talking to me.
Coach Wilkins: Definitely my best white friend.

Coach Wilkins: Fine. But it doesn't matter where you go. She's just gonna be happy you're trying.
George Sr.: I hope so.
Coach Wilkins: It's nice to see I'm finally rubbing off on you.
George Sr.: I am capable of being a decent husband.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, of course you are.
George Sr.: Don't patronize me.
Coach Wilkins: I could stop, but then what will we have left?

George Jr.: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George Sr.: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
George Jr.: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George Sr.: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
George Jr.: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George Sr.: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
George Jr.: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George Sr.: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.

Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.