Dale: Well, I saw them sneaking around outside. They was clearly casing the place. So I grabbed Lil' Slugger and I went out the front porch and I let 'em know who they was messing with.
Meemaw: You think they'll be back?
Dale: Nah, they ran away like two little girls. [chuckles]

Meemaw: Where we eating tonight?
Dale: Well, that depends. Why don't you look in the glovebox and check on the Tums situation.
Meemaw: There's five.
Dale: Oh, my, this is tricky. Well, Mexican's at least three apiece.
Meemaw: We might get by with two each if it's Italian.
Dale: You get red wine and then tomato sauce. Hey, if they put lemon in the water, we're dead.
Meemaw: Hmm. That leaves barbecue.
Dale: Sold.
Meemaw: Who gets Tum number three?
Dale: Me. They're my Tums.

Meemaw: I'll have the rib eye, medium rare.
Waiter: And for you?
Dale: Uh, just the house salad, please.
Waiter: Very good.
Meemaw: House salad? You watching your figure?
Dale: I have a physical tomorrow.
Meemaw: Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?
Dale: Can't hurt.
Meemaw: It ain't gonna undo years of red meat and beer.
Dale: I'm not trying to undo it, I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.

Meemaw: I got to go open up the gambling room. Can you watch her for about an hour?
Dale: I just had coffee and a bowl of Raisin Bran. Next hour is spoken for.
Meemaw: You could've just said no.
Dale: I'm trying to keep the romance alive.

Sheldon: Hello, Pastor Jeff.
Pastor Jeff: Sheldon, George, good news. I told the congregation about your exciting opportunity in Germany, and boy, were they thrilled to help. [laughs] I've never seen the collection plate so full.
Sheldon: Well, thank you. Are you seeing this? I am beloved.
Pastor Jeff: Sure.

Sheldon: I brought you some snacks. For Mom, a Bavarian-style pretzel. And for Dad, four Lone Star beers poured into a pitcher to approximate a stein.
George: What do you want?
Sheldon: For starters, a danke wouldn't kill you.
Mary: A what?
Sheldon: It's "thank you" in German. Uh, so, if you were thinking of thanking, then you'd be denken of danken. You're awfully quiet. I assume you're denken.
Mary: W-Where are you going with all this?
Sheldon: If I play my cards right, Germany.

Mary: Well, we're gonna have to talk to Dr. Sturgis before we make any decisions.
George: We're- We're not making any promises.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
George: This is not a yes.
Sheldon: But it's also not a nein, which German for "no", as opposed to the number nine, which is neun.