Sheldon: I figured out why the violin worked for Einstein and not for me. I need to become a Jewish person.

Sheldon: Did you know Einstein loved playing the violin?
Missy: So?
Sheldon: He believed music helped him formulate his theories.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: Einstein was arguably the greatest scientific mind of the 20th century. If music helped him, maybe it could help me.
Missy: So?

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Missy: I was gonna watch DuckTales, but this looks funnier.

Mary: I got to go talk to my mom.
George: Everything okay?
Mary: Yeah, she's just got some problems she's dealing with. Kind of personal. Will you make the kids lunch?
George: Ah, do I have to?
Mary: George?
George: Happy to.

Sheldon: When is my first lesson?
Ms. Fenley: I'm pretty busy right now. But I can give you this in the meantime.
Sheldon: "Anyone Can Play Violin." They don't set the bar very high.

Meemaw: You know what you need to do?
Mary: Yes.
Meemaw: How's it going?
Mary: It'd be a lot easier to pee if you'd stop talking.
Meemaw: Sorry.
Mary: Now it's too quiet. Say something.
Meemaw: I know you didn't expect this, and you still might not be, but but if it turns out you are I'm here for you.

Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: What does it look like?
Missy: Like you're looking for another excuse for kids to pick on you.

Georgie: What's going on?
Sheldon: [mumbles:] I'm learning to play the violin.
Missy: It's my new favorite show.

Sheldon: Did you hear that? I did it!
Georgie: I don't think you did.

Sheldon: And now we see how it helps my science. Hmm. Hmm [groans] Come on, think. Probably needs more "Twinkle, Twinkle."

Missy: What's on your head?
Sheldon: A yarmulke.
Georgie: A yama-what?
Sheldon: It's a special Jewish hat. It reminds the wearer that God is always over you.
Meemaw: [laughs]
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, it's funny.
Mary: It's not funny and it's not a yarmulke. It is a coaster I crocheted at Bible camp.

Adult Sheldon: Over the next few days, I continued to play the violin in an effort to replicate the mental prowess of Einstein. I was asked to confine my practice to the garage by my father, mother, sister and brother. Meemaw was fine with me practicing in the house, but why would she care? She doesn't live with us.

Herschel Sparks: Hey, uh, I hear congratulations are in order.
George: What's that you hear?
Herschel Sparks: Maybe I didn't hear it.
George: Never mind. It's all right. Seems like everybody knows.
Herschel Sparks: You don't seem terribly enthusiastic.
George: [sighs] It's the money, Herschel. It's all about the money.
Herschel Sparks: [sighs] Well, there's only one solution to that.
George: Which is?
Herschel Sparks: You got to make more money.
George: Thank you.
Herschel Sparks: Welcome.

Principal Petersen: All right, George, what's so damn important?
George: Well I don't want to get into the why's and wherefore's, but I'm gonna need a raise.
Principal Petersen: Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant?
George: You got to be kidding me. Does everybody in this damn town know my business?
Principal Petersen: I just it was taking a guess.
George: Tom.
Principal Petersen: My wife told me.
George: Doesn't matter. What do you say?
Principal Petersen: Are you threatening to quit if you don't get it?
George: No, Tom, I'm threatening to rob a bank.
Principal Petersen: Okay. All right, well, let's not do that. $100 a week do the trick?
George: Yes. Thanks. Bye.

Receptionist: Temple Judea, how can I help you?
Sheldon: Hello, I'd like to become Jewish. Who would be in charge of that?
Receptionist: How old are you?
Sheldon: I'm ten.
Receptionist: Please hold. ["HAVA NAGILA" HOLD MUSIC PLAYS]