Meemaw looks for something to do with the earnings from her gambling room. George Sr. starts looking for another job. Meanwhile, Sheldon and Missy both get lessons in business.
Quote from Adult Sheldon
Adult Sheldon: Today I thought we could talk about relationships, so I've invited my lovely wife Amy to help.
Amy: Thanks for letting me join in.
Adult Sheldon: Are you jealous when I do this without you?
Amy: No.
Adult Sheldon: Because one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships is jealousy. Now, Amy, did you know jealousy is triggered in the left part of the cerebral cortex?
Amy: I'm sorry, are you about to explain neuroscience to your wife, the Nobel Prize-winning neuroscientist?
Adult Sheldon: Yes. Jealous?
Amy: I'll tell you when there isn't a microphone in front of us.
Adult Sheldon: Ooh, mystery. That'll keep a relationship on its toes.
Amy: Your bathroom schedule is on the refrigerator. We have no mystery.
Adult Sheldon: Moving on, physical intimacy. I believe I said "physical intimacy," [title card changes] which can pose another challenge in relationships.
Amy: Especially when one partner doesn't want to be intimate as frequently as the other.
Adult Sheldon: Ooh, who are we talking about? [stammers] Don't tell me. Let the mystery continue.
Amy: Just read the next one.
Quote from Adult Sheldon
Adult Sheldon: Money is a frequent source of conflict in a relationship.
Amy: Thankfully that's never been a problem for us.
Adult Sheldon: Says the woman who took away my comic book allowance.
Amy: Uh, to start a college fund for our children.
Adult Sheldon: Comic books are an investment.
Amy: There are better places to invest our money than that weird wolf man you like.
Adult Sheldon: His name is Wolverine and you know it.
Amy: Okay we're off on a tangent. I'm taking over. Money can be a source of conflict in a relationship, even having too much.
Adult Sheldon: Wh... Hey, this is my story.
Amy: I know. Jealous?
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Mom, savor this moment. Can you take me to church?
Mary: Uh, I'm a little busy. Can it wait?
Sheldon: No. I've come up with a plan to bolster RadioShack's market share, and I need to fax it to corporate.
Mary: I'll tell you what, I'll take it with me in the morning and do it then.
Sheldon: But our stock is in a slump, and CompUSA is nipping at our heels.
Mary: If you really want to be helpful, you could set the table.
Sheldon: Why should I help you with your job if you won't help me with mine?
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: This is important. My plan is to turn RadioShack into a shopping destination, a megastore complete with restaurants and games and electronics. Kind of like Six Flags, except with less screaming and vomit.
Mary: I'm not taking you.
Sheldon: How can I be a business tycoon if my mommy won't drive me places?
Quote from Dale
Dale: You actually bought this thing?
Meemaw: It's fun, huh?
Dale: I feel like I'm riding in a banana.
Meemaw: Oh, come on. It's a beautiful day. The top is down. Feel that wind.
Dale: Yeah, I feel the wind. I just can't feel my feet.
Meemaw: Well, put your seat back.
Dale: If I put it any further back, I'd be in the trunk.
Meemaw: Starting to wish I had put you in the trunk. [Dale covers his mouth] What are you doing now?
Dale: Keeping the bugs out of my mouth.
Quote from George Jr.
Missy: I'm gonna bring a bunch to school.
George Jr.: How much you gonna charge for it?
Missy: Nothing. They're my friends.
George Jr.: You think Ronald McDonald let his friends eat for free?
Missy: Ronald McDonald isn't real.
No Particular Place To Go
Chuck Berry
Briefly plays over scene transition to Dale and Meemaw in her new convertible.
Adult Sheldon says today he’d like to talk about relationships, so he’s invited his lovely wife Amy to help. After she thanks him for letting her join in, Sheldon wonders if Amy’s jealous when he does this. Because jealousy is one of the most common sources of friction in a relationship. After Sheldon asks if she knows that jealousy is triggered in the left part of the cerebral cortex, Amy can’t believe he’s explaining neuroscience to her - a Nobel-prize winning neuroscientist. Sheldon moves on to discussing physical intimacy, which can pose another challenge in relationships. Especially when one partner doesn’t want to be physical as often as the other, Amy adds. After Sheldon wonders who she’s talking about, Amy encourages him to move onto the next one. Money, a frequent source of conflict in a relationship. Amy is thankful they’ve never had that problem, but Sheldon reminds her she took away his comic book allowance. Since they’ve gone off on a tangent, Amy decides to take over, explaining money can be a source of conflict in a relationship, even having too much.
In her living room, Meemaw tells Dale she needs to show him something, before warning him not to freak out. Meemaw opens a suitcase filled with money, explaining the laundromat’s back room is doing well. He can see that. After Dale questions why she’s keeping it there, Meemaw points out she can’t exactly take it down to a bank. She’d be busted for money laundering. Noticing the money is in small bills, Dale suggests Meemaw could say she’s a stripper. After Meemaw points out it’s $14,000, Dale tells her to say she’s a good stripper.
When Sheldon and Missy join Meemaw in her kitchen, Adult Sheldon explains that grandmothers love to spoil their grandchildren. Especially when they have a suitcase full of cash that they don’t want anyone knowing about. Missy and Sheldon are stunned when they each open an envelope containing hundreds of dollars. Meemaw knows it’s a lot, but says she’d rather see them enjoy it while she’s still around. Missy is excited at the prospect of an inheritance, too. After Meemaw points out an inheritance depends on how they treat her in her golden years, Missy turns on the flattery, telling her grandmother “you’re pretty and I love you”.
When George arrives in his office in the morning, Coach Wilkins asks him how he’s holding up. George wonders what that’s supposed to mean. Wilkins says there’s no easy way to say this, but he was at a meeting last night with the boosters. Wayne admits there was discussion of him replacing George as head coach next year. George feels betrayed, but Wayne says he didn’t know that’s what the meeting was going to be about. After George wonders what Wayne told them, Wayne insists he wants George to keep his job. George instructs him to tell the boosters he’s not interested, then. But… Wayne argues if George is going to lose his job anyway, he wants the job. An upset George asks if Wayne really wants to spend his days coaching lazy kids and getting yelled at by their parents? Not to forget the dirty looks after you lose, like you're the one that fumbled on the three-yard line. That’s the job he wants? Wayne tells George that’s coaching.
Back home, as George nurses a beer, he asks Mary how Wayne could stab him in the back like that? After Mary says she doesn’t think Wayne stabbed him in the back, George asks if she could just agree with him. Mary apologizes, saying even if George does lose his job, he’ll find another one. But George points out there’s only one high school in Medford, so finding another job could mean moving. Mary argues their roots are there; her mother’s there. George concedes moving does have its benefits then. Mary reminds George that Sheldon’s college talked to him about being coach, and he knows the university president fairly well now. Mary cheerfully tells George the college team is used to losing, so it’s low pressure. “Thanks”, George says.
When Missy goes to Sheldon’s room as he plays on his computer, Missy asks if she can borrow a calculator. Missy is puzzled when Sheldon says he’s using it. By way of an explanation, Sheldon taps the side of his head. When Sheldon asks why she needs a calculator, Missy explains she’s trying to figure out what to do with her money. What’s he going to do with his? Sheldon’s glad she asked. He’s decided to dip his toe in the exciting world of the stock market by buying three shares in RadioShack. After Missy asks why, Sheldon starts to explain capital markets to her, so Missy says she’ll buy her own calculator and walks away.
At the university, George thanks President Hagemeyer for seeing him. She claims she’s always happy to see a Cooper. What can she do for him? George reminds her that when Sheldon started there she asked if he’d be interested in coaching the football team. “And you turned us down.”, Hagemeyer points out. George concedes he did, saying he was in the middle of rebuilding Medford’s team and is now ready for a new challenge. George says it just occurred to him that if he was working there, he could keep an eye on Sheldon and take some of the burden off her. Hagemeyer insists Sheldon’s no burden, but George tells her Sheldon’s a pain in the ass, she can say it. Hagemeyer says whether Sheldon is or isn’t… He is, George declares. Anyway, Hagemeyer says they no longer have a football team. As George struggles to understand how a university in Texas doesn’t have a football team, Hagemeyer says she’s pretty sure Texas A&M have a team. George jokes that if that doesn’t work maybe he’ll try the Cowboys.
When Dale walks into the local bar, he feigns surprise at seeing George there. George asks Dale if he’s ever heard of a Texas university that only plays soccer. George explains he went to Sheldon’s university for a possible coaching gig and they don’t even have a team anymore. George admits he’s looking for a new job, but he’s worried it’s going to be the same BS wherever he goes. Dale asks George if he’s ever thought of doing something different. George points out he played football, he coaches football, he watches a lot of football. So unless sitting here becomes a job… Dale wonders if he’d be interested in selling footballs at his store. Dale is looking to take more time off work and it would be good to have someone he could trust at the store. George says thanks, he’ll think about it.
At home, Sheldon is reveling in the giddy thrill of being part owner of a thriving tech company. Sheldon phones up RadioShack’s corporate office to introduce himself as a shareholder and offer his assistance to the company. Meanwhile, Missy had taken a different path with her money. Sheldon steps outside to find Missy using a machine to make “free cotton candy”. Sheldon points out it’s not free because she paid for the machine. Missy argues their meemaw paid for it, and it’s still better than lame stocks. Sheldon tells his sister she’s going to end up with a stomach ache while he gets to be part of America's favorite electronics retailer.
[aw: 1624; b: 1628]
In Meemaw’s kitchen, she is surprised to hear from Dale that George is going to be working at the store. Dale says George is gonna give it a try on weekends and nights to see if he likes it. And if he does? Dale admits he’s hoping he can step back from work. To do what, Meemaw wonders. Dale says he’s got money in the bank, she’s got money in the suitcase, maybe they can put it together and travel or buy a vacation home. Meemaw says she can’t just up and leave because she’s got the gambling room. Dale argues Georgie can take care of that. What’s the point in having the money if you’re not using it? “I guess”, Meemaw says. Dale says they could go to Mexico and get a cabana and spend days on the beach. “And our nights on the toilet?”, Meemaw jokes. Dale laughs, saying that doesn’t sound half bad.
After Missy goes over to the garage with a stick of less than colorful candy floss, she asks her older brother to try it. Georgie is a little nervous as it’s brown. Missy explains she realized you can put any sweets in the machine. This is Meemaw’s butterscotch. After Georgie tries it and likes it, Missy says she’s going to take some to school. Georgie wonders how much she’s going to charge. Nothing, they’re her friends, Missy answers. Georgie asks her if she thinks Ronald McDonald let his friends eat for free? Missy points out Ronald McDonald isn’t real. Anyway, Georgie says she shouldn’t just give it away. Missy considers how much to charge, pointing out it only cost her like two cents to make. Georgie tells her she’s not factoring in her time, the cost of the machinery, and the value of the brainpower it took to come up with that idea. Missy agrees, saying no one else thought of putting old-lady candy in a cotton candy machine. Why should they get it for free? Georgie welcomes her to the world of business.
Back inside, Sheldon is on the phone with RadioShack, asking to speak to the CEO. Sheldon says it’s regarding “our” stock taking a small dip. He’d like to hear the CEO’s game plan. After being told the CEO is busy, Sheldon argues he’s busy but still made the time to call. Clearly getting nowhere, Sheldon asks if he could speak to their COO instead? CFO? CTO? Hello?
At Dale’s sporting goods store, he watches on as George talks to a woman and her son. George talks her out of buying expensive football shoes, saying the boy will grow out of them quickly. George suggests buying the cheaper ones which are just as good. As the mother heads to the checkout, Dale comes over to remind George he’s on commission. George shouts over to the customer to say you never grow out of socks. How about some wristbands? After Meemaw walks into the store, Dale asks what she’s doing there. She’s come to take him to dinner. After a surprised Dale says he’ll go grab his keys, Meemaw tells him there’s no need, but he might want to grab a jacket.
Later, Meemaw and Dale are riding in her new yellow convertible. Fun, huh? Dale says he feels like he’s riding in a banana. Meemaw tells him it's a beautiful day, the top is down, feel that wind. Dale says he can feel the wind, he just can’t feel his feet. Meemaw encourages a nervous Dale to put his seat further back, but he says if he did that he’d be in the trunk. Meemaw jokes she wishes she did put him in the trunk. Dale covers his mouth with his hands, explaining he’s trying to keep the bugs out.
As Mary prepares dinner, Sheldon tells his mother to savor this moment: he wants her to take him to the church. Mary explains he’s busy right now. Sheldon explains he’s come up with a plan to bolster RadioShack's market share, and he needs to fax it to corporate. Mary promises to take it to work the following day and fax it then, but Sheldon feels it’s urgent with their stock in a slump and a competitor nipping at their heels. Mary tells Sheldon if he wants to be helpful, he could set the table. Sheldon argues this is important, explaining his plan is to turn RadioShack into a shopping destination, a megastore complete with restaurants and games and electronics. Kind of like Six Flags, except with less screaming and vomit. Mary is adamant she isn’t taking him right now. As Sheldon walks off, he mutters “How can I be a business tycoon if my mommy won't drive me places?”
At the sporting goods store, Roy, one of the parents who challenged George at the boosters meeting, is surprised to see George working there. George explains it’s just nights and weekends, now the boosters have a gun to his head. Roy insists it’s nothing personal, but George doesn’t think that line will mean much to the bank that has his mortgage. Roy wonders how many losing seasons they’re supposed to put up with before they make a change, saying he’s surprised George lasted this long. As George’s patience wears thin, he tells Roy he’s lucky that he’s working right now. What can he help him with? After Roy says he needs a little fishing tackle, George helpfully says to follow him.
At a Mexican restaurant, Meemaw peruses the menu as Dale watches her bitterly. After Meemaw proposes a pitcher of margaritas for them to share, Dale is surprised she’s suggesting something they can both enjoy. Meemaw wonders what Dale’s problem is and asks if he’s going to sit there and pout all night. Dale says he was talking about them traveling together, and instead she went out and bought a yellow clown car. Meemaw points out he was the one who told her to have fun with the money, but Dale says he meant fun for the both of them. Meemaw points out it’s her money, but Dale says she made that perfectly clear. Meemaw insists it’s just a car, but Dale argues it’s more than that, accusing Meemaw of getting scared. He was talking about our future, and she panicked. Meemaw counters that she's got a successful business and her own money and he can't handle it. When the waitress comes to take their order, Dale says they’re leaving. After Meemaw insists she’s not going anywhere, Dale orders the enchiladas.
As Missy sits her on bed and counts her money, she tells Georgie how she sold candy floss for 70 cents or two for a dollar, and everyone bought two. Georgie says people love a deal. After Missy reveals she sold out, Georgie suggests she raise her prices some more. How much? Georgie advises her to raise the price a little at a time until her profit tops out. Missy thinks it’s weird that says she’s learning but also having fun.
Meanwhile, Sheldon is enjoying no luck in business as he talks on the phone to RadioShack, who tell him the CEO hasn’t read his proposal. Back in Missy’s room, she wonders if people would pay a dollar each. Georgie thinks so if she calls it a limited edition. Missy gasps as she recalls the ShamrockShake: every year she thinks it tastes like toothpaste, but every year she buys one. Meanwhile, Sheldon has trouble explaining his vision to the RadioShack corporate employee. Sheldon starts to describe a “mega” store, but decides that prefix isn’t big enough and calls it a “yotta” store instead, explaining it’s ten to the 24th power. Sheldon groans as he’s put on hold.
When Meemaw stops by Dale’s store, she mentions he wasn’t returning his calls. Dale says it’s been kind of crazy there today, although Meemaw can see the store is completely empty right now. After Meemaw says she’s been thinking about what he said last night, Dale cuts her off to say she could have just said she didn’t want to travel. Meemaw tells Dale he’s picturing a world where they’re slowing down, but she’s just getting going. Dale says he’s been going for forty years and when George started talking about taking over at the store, he saw a way out. “Then do it.”, Meemaw tells him. “I don’t want to do it without you, dummy.”, Dale replies. After Meemaw says he’s going to have to wait a little, Dale doesn’t think he can do that. “What are you saying?”, Meemaw asks. “You know I love you, right?”, Dale wonders. “I love you, too.”, Meemaw tells him. “But we’re done.”, Dale says, before walking away from the counter.
Adult Sheldon says his mother would say money is the root of all evil, but she also said that about The Simpsons. He argues money is just a medium of exchange, a way of transforming something into something else. His meemaw bought a sports car and transformed a relationship in the process. His sister transformed her money into a thriving business that was eventually shut down due to an infestation. And for a brief moment, he became part of his dream company. Fun fact: later that year, RadioShack did open a megastore called Incredible Universe. Turned out the only thing incredible about it was how quickly it closed down. “Oopsie.”