Sheldon: [over bullhorn] Attention, residents of Bower Hall. My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm your new R.A. The age of chaos is over. I repeat, the age of chaos is over. Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the dormitory rules posted on the bulletin board. Ignorance of these rules is no excuse, and violators will be...
[A tired looking student wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts walks out of his dorm room and grabs Sheldon's bull-horn, taking it back into his room]
Sheldon: [shouts through his hands] New rule. Unauthorized use of my bullhorn is forbidden. I repeat. Unauthorized...
Student: [over bullhorn] Shut up.

Georgie: Check it out. I got this video about childbirth. I thought we could watch it tonight.
Mandy: That sounds awful.
Georgie: Well, it does say "contains graphic images" right there on the box.
Mandy: Maybe some other time, Georgie.
Georgie: No worries. I also picked up Look Who's Talking, which is just about a baby who says stuff.
Mandy: If you're trying to make this, like, a date night or something, it's not happening.
Georgie: Oh, who said anything about a date? It's just us having dinner and watching a movie.
Mandy: Last time we did that I wound up pregnant.
Georgie: Mm, that was a good date.
Mandy: Well, that's not happening tonight.
Georgie: I get it. Nothing romantic. Just two future parents watching the miracle of childbirth or a movie that got two thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert.

Sheldon: And not only that. Then someone defaced my rule sheet with a drawing of testicles.
President Hagemeyer: [muffled laugh] Well, that is so immature.
Sheldon: I agree. Simply naming me dorm R.A. isn't enough to command respect. I need a physical symbol of my authority, like the way a king had a scepter.
President Hagemeyer: So, you want a scepter?
Sheldon: No, that could be used against me. Ooh, how about a badge? I'd be like a Texas Ranger who patrols the halls of a dormitory.

President Hagemeyer: Well, these all just such terrific ideas but, um, how about an official letter from my desk with a handwritten note attesting to your position?
Sheldon: All right.
President Hagemeyer: "To the students of Bower Hall."
Sheldon: That's your handwriting?
President Hagemeyer: "This document bestows on Sheldon Cooper all the powers and privileges of resident advisor."
Sheldon: "Bestows." I like it. Sloppy, but I like it.

Missy: Ooh, Look Who's Talking. Classic.
Mandy: Hey, did you know the baby is the guy from Die Hard?
Missy: No.
Mandy: Yeah.
Missy: He can do everything.

Dennis: Here you go, as advertised.
Meemaw: All right. Those look good.
Dale: Wait. Hold on. How do we know they work?
Dennis: What kind of operation you think I'm running here?
Dale: Well, I don't know. The word "sketchy" comes to mind.
Meemaw: Be cool.

Dale: Uh, I guess I'll have the waffles, and the lady will have, um... [clears throat] ...also waffles.

Meemaw: You know that money I owe you?
Dale: Oh, you got it?
Meemaw: Yes and no.
Dale: Uh, well, which is it?
Meemaw: Yes, I got it, no, I'm not giving it to you. I want to give you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Dale: Well, I'd prefer my money.

Georgie: I'm just worried about you being all by yourself in that big house.
Mandy: I'll be fine.
Georgie: What if there's a tornado? Did Meemaw ever show you where her hidey hole is?
Mandy: Georgie, I'm really busy right now.
Georgie: Sorry. I'll swing by Meemaw's later, maybe bring some takeout.
Mandy: Don't bother. They send me home with plenty of food.
Georgie: Great. Score me a patty melt, would you?
Mandy: I won't.
Georgie: I'm gonna go now. [kisses his hand and places it on Mandy's belly]
Mandy: What are you doing?
Georgie: Kissing our baby. You want one, too?
Mandy: No.
Georgie: Bye-bye.

Missy: I'm home. Anybody here?
Mary: [o.s.] Missy?
Missy: Yeah.
Mary: [o.s.] You're home early.
Missy: It's 7:00.
Mary: [o.s.] Is it?
Missy: Are you sleeping?
Mary: [o.s.] Yeah.
Missy: Where's Dad?
George: [o.s.] ... I'm here.
Missy: Ugh.
George: [o.s.] We were both just real tired.
Missy: Please stop talking.

Meemaw: Uh, you mind if we plug a couple in?
Dennis: Mind if you show me the money?
Meemaw: Sure. Turn around.
Dennis: Why?
Meemaw: You want the money or not?
[Dennis turns around]
Meemaw: [whispering] Okay, go ahead.
[Dale drops his trousers, revealing bundles of cash srapped to his legs]
Meemaw: Yeah. Okay. 20 grand. [chuckling softly] Light 'em up.
[The machines light up, with tunes playing, and whooshing and pinging sound effects]
Meemaw: That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Dale: Really? Well, I just took my pants off.

Dale: For a while there, I felt like Bonnie and Clyde, without all the murder and mayhem.
Meemaw: Well, the night's still young.
Dale: So at the risk of sounding more like Bonnie than Clyde, uh, where do we stand in our relationship?
Meemaw: You're the one who broke up with me.
Dale: Oh, maybe I've rethought the situation.
Meemaw: So you were wrong.
Dale: I don't believe there's any right or wrong here.
Meemaw: Say it. Say you were wrong.
Dale: I do regret it.
Meemaw: Because... you were... wrong.
Dale: Yes. So what do you say... you want to give it another chance?
Meemaw: Hang on.
Dale: Just give me a straight answer. I'm a big boy. I can take it.

Meemaw: I think we're being followed.
Dale: What? No. The pickup truck?
Meemaw: The orange Pinto. I saw it when we gassed up. It's been two cars back ever since. I'm gonna speed up and see what happens. [engine revving]
Dale: We're being followed. Are you still excited?
Meemaw: No, I'm upset.
Dale: Good. Then we're on the same page.

Sheldon: [knocks on door] Open up. It's the R.A.
Bobby: Yeah?
Sheldon: It's quiet hours. You have to turn the music off.
Bobby: Says who?
Sheldon: Me, the R.A. You probably didn't hear me over the music. [Bobby goes to close the door] Maybe this will convince you. Her cursive is maybe questionable, but trust me, my authority is not.
[Bobby rips up Sheldon's hand-written note from President Hagemeyer, throws the pieces in his face and closes his door]
Sheldon: [o.s.] Jokes on you. I have Scotch tape.

Dale: I don't see him anywhere. Do you?
Meemaw: Nope.
Dale: Oh, man. Well, now that that's over, I'm starting to feel the excitement again.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Crazy, right? I think that's the way danger works.
Dale: Oh, it's like a rollercoaster. [Meemaw laughs]
Dennis: Well, ain't this a coincidence.
Dale: Oh, come on.