Georgie: I wonder who came up with blue raspberry. Raspberries ain't blue.
Jana: It should be blueberry.
Georgie: You'd think. But blueberries ain't blue either, they're purple. The whole blue food situation in this country needs some work.

Georgie: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
Georgie: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
Georgie: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
Georgie: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.

Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.

Dale: W-Wh... Wait a minute. What's a paladin?
Sheldon: A paladin is a holy knight who crusades in the name of good.
Dale: Oh, I like that. I want to be that.
Meemaw: Really?
Dale: Yeah, I've been meaning to do more crusading in the name of good.
Meemaw: Okay. You say you got thief on that list? I'll be a thief. That sounds like fun.

George: This is ridiculous.
Coach Wilkins: Just do it, you baby.
George: Fine. Mary, I appreciate you.
Coach Wilkins: That's the best you can do? Baby, you have any single friends for this poor woman?
George: Mary, I appreciate how much you take care of the house and... all of us. I know it's not easy.
Mary: Thank you. That means a lot.
Coach Wilkins: I love it. Mary, you're up.
Mary: [chuckles] Well, George... I appreciate how hard you work. I know you make a lot of sacrifices for us, and you don't get enough credit for that.
George: Thank you.

Adult Sheldon: As long as I can remember, unlocking the mechanisms that govern the physical universe was my greatest passion.
Mary: Whatcha workin' on?
Sheldon: Dungeons & Dragons.
Adult Sheldon: Hey, even Hawking took a roll through the park once in a while.
Sheldon: I'm working on a new campaign to play with Tam and Billy.
Mary: You know how I feel about that game.
Sheldon: I'm aware, which is why the most wicked thing in it is my sense of humor. [doorbell rings]
Mary: [sighs] I still don't like it. But you are playing with other kids, so I'll take it as a win.
Adult Sheldon: Not just playing with other kids, controlling every aspect of their destiny as their Dungeon Master overlord. I didn't believe in God but I sure loved acting like one.

George: I didn't know he was bringing his wife.
Mary: And of course it didn't even occur to you to ask me?
George: Well, no, but isn't that better than thinking about it and then not doing it?
Mary: They both make you a jerk.
George: [sighs] Since when are you interested in a coaches conference?
Mary: I am interested in a weekend at a nice hotel by a river.
George: Hotel is pretty nice.

Mary: I thought you and Dale might have plans.
Meemaw: We might hang out, but... it's fine.
Mary: Something going on?
Meemaw: Mm-mm.
Mary: Sounds like something.
Meemaw: Well... he's trying to be a better person, and... it's weird.
Mary: Weird how?
Meemaw: Just doesn't seem natural.
Mary: I don't follow.
Meemaw: Like when you see a dancing bear at the circus, and you know it just wants to rip some clown's head off.
Mary: That's graphic.

Meemaw: Where are y'all going?
Mary: George has a coaches conference in San Antonio.
Meemaw: Oh, and you weaseled your way in? Good for you.
Mary: I didn't weasel.
Meemaw: So it was his idea?
Mary: Not exactly.
Meemaw: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a weasel. [laughs] Congratulations.

Mary: All right, baby, we're leaving here in a few minutes, but we'll be back on Sunday and your Meemaw will be here. [Sheldon doesn't respond] Sheldon?
Sheldon: What?
Mary: We're leaving.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Mary: To San Antonio.
Sheldon: When are you leaving?
Mary: In a few minutes.
Sheldon: When will you get back?
Mary: Sunday.
Sheldon: But who's going to watch us?
Mary: Meemaw.
Sheldon: Okay. Bye.
Mary: Can you at least give me a hug?
Sheldon: I can.

Mary: Why didn't you tell me there was a pool? I would've brought my bathing suit.
George: Hotels have pools... didn't think I needed to mention it.
Mary: Well, it would have been nice if you did.
George: They also have beds in the rooms. Did you remember your pajamas?
Mary: Okay, you don't have to act like that.
George: Well, you don't need to blame me 'cause you forgot your bathing suit.
Mary: Well, I guess we're not going in the pool.
George: Maybe you're not. I packed my suit.
Mary: Are you gonna behave like this all weekend?
George: What? Responsible and fun-loving? Probably.
Mary: You are such a... monkey butt.
George: [laughs] Come on. There's got to be more insulting name you can call me.
Mary: I am sure there is, but they're about to get in and they do not need to hear us arguing.

Sheldon: I don't want anything. I'm not hungry.
Meemaw: Well, what's the matter?
Sheldon: My friends were supposed to play Dungeons & Dragons with me, but they cancelled.
Meemaw: Aw. Sorry.
Dale: We can play it with you.
Sheldon: Really?
Meemaw: Dale, that's nice, but... I don't think you'll like it.
Dale: Afraid I might beat you?
Sheldon: Actually, there's no one winner. It's a cooperative game where you use your imagination to explore a fantasy world with the help of the Dungeon Master's pre-planned scenarios and the rolling of polyhedral dice.
Meemaw: Still sound fun?
Dale: Yeah. Sorta.

Georgie: I got it.
Jana: Anybody see you?
Georgie: No. And I didn't recognize the guy behind the counter, but I used an Italian accent just in case.
Jana: Please tell me you're joking.
Georgie: [Italian accent] Oh, I'm-a no joking.
Jana: Oh, God.
Georgie: Here. Do it.
Jana: I can't do it here. I have to pee on it.
Georgie: Okay, fine. Although we've done crazier stuff in this truck.

[fantasy:]
Jana: I'm pregnant. You sure I'm not too heavy?
Georgie: No, I got it. I guess it's time to do what people do on their wedding night.
Jana: Georgie, we're gonna be parents. We don't do that anymore.
Georgie: Oh, right.
Jana: Besides, my water just broke all over your bed.
Georgie: Dadgum it.