Darlene: Whoo-wee! Ha-ha! Hey, Mary.
Mary: Darlene, good to see you.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, hey. George, how's it going?
George: Good, good. We were definitely not arguing ten seconds ago.

Dale: I figured we'd order pizza.
Missy: Okay.
Dale: What do you want on it?
Missy: Everything except onions, green peppers, mushrooms, spinach...
Dale: No vegetables. Got it.
Meemaw: How about a little salad, too?
Missy: If you like wasting money.
Meemaw: Spoken like a true Texan.

Dale: So what's Sheldon like?
Missy: A pain in the ass.
Meemaw: No, he means, what does Sheldon like on his pizza?
Missy: Oh. [shouts] Sheldon! What do you want on your pizza!?
Meemaw: Still glad you came?
Dale: Actually, I am.
Sheldon: [enters] I don't want any pizza.
Missy: See? Pain in the ass.

George: Oh, by the way, I made reservations tonight at that, uh, steakhouse on the Riverwalk.
Coach Wilkins: Ooh, fancy.
George: Well, yeah. Nothing says fancy like a two-pound slab of meat.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, shoot. I didn't pack my dress shoes.
Mary: See, George? It might be helpful if you mentioned some of these things ahead of time.
George: Here we go.
Darlene: Wayne's always doing stuff like this.
Mary: I'm glad to know it's not just us.
Darlene: That's why I packed his shoes last night.
Coach Wilkins: You did? Baby, you're the best.
Darlene: Well, how can I be the best when you are?
Mary: [to herself] It is just us.

Jana: Okay, I think I got it. It takes ten minutes for the results.
Georgie: You want me to go in with you?
Jana: To watch me pee on a stick?
Georgie: I'm being supportive right now. You could try the same.

George: Can you guys not do that?
Coach Wilkins: Do what?
George: Be so happy. You're married. Act like it.
Coach Wilkins: How do you put up with him?
Mary: That's a good question. What's your secret?
Coach Wilkins & Darlene: [in unison] Communication.
George: Oh, God.

Georgie: Well?
Jana: I'm not.
Georgie: Really?
Jana: We're good.
Georgie: Oh, thank God. [they hug] What a relief.
Jana: I know.
Georgie: We better stop hugging, or you're gonna need another stick to pee on.

Coach Wilkins: Now, I know it's hokey, but at least once a day, Darlene and I say one thing that we appreciate about each other.
Darlene: Isn't that sweet? It was Wayne's idea.
Coach Wilkins: I appreciate you saying that.
George: And I'm gonna vomit.

Meemaw: What happened to you? You used to be fun.
Dale: Come on, I'm playing this stupid game with your grandkids.
Sheldon: That's rude.
Meemaw: Cut the crap. We both know this isn't you.
Dale: Oh, I can't win with you.
Meemaw: What does that mean?
Dale: Forget it.
Meemaw: No, I'm not gonna forget it. Talk to me.
Dale: I don't want to.

[fantasy:]
Meemaw: Get out of my way. I'm a thief, and I'm opening this chest.
Dale: Have at it. I'm a paladin with a buzz on.
[reality:]
Sheldon: Success. The chest opens, revealing a scroll with ancient writing in a strange language you don't recognize. What do you do?
Missy: I say this is boring...
[fantasy:]
Missy: ...and turn myself into a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... ♪
Missy: This game just got good. High five.
Dale: Yeah.
♪ Heroes in a half-shell, turtle power. ♪