Meemaw: You like Willie Nelson?
Sheldon: That would require knowing the permeability of free space and natural units.
Meemaw: [MUSIC VOLUME INCREASES] I suppose I like Willie Nelson.

George: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: They wouldn't let me use the phone in the principal's office.
George: Who are you calling?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. It's a math emergency.
George: Don't you think you should've asked my permission first?
Sheldon: It's ringing. Yes or no?
George: You know what? I don't care.

Dr. John Sturgis: Go ahead, Sheldon, I'm all ears.
Sheldon: Well, when I'm done, you're going to be all tears.
Meemaw: Okay, fellas, let's keep it civil.

Dr. John Sturgis: May I come in?
Sheldon: I guess.
Dr. John Sturgis: I looked over your work again and, uh, the math was correct.
Sheldon: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: You were right and I was, uh, wrong. Sorry I doubted you.
Sheldon: Wow. It must be really hard for you to admit that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, yes. But, uh, I thought it could be a learning opportunity for you.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Dr. John Sturgis: I wanted to show you that being wrong is not the end of the world.
Sheldon: Oh, okay. Thank you.

Dr. John Sturgis: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, this is Sheldon. You're wrong and I can prove it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Is that so?
Sheldon: It is so.
Dr. John Sturgis: All right, little man, bring it on.

Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe you're too immature.
Meemaw: Gentlemen, please.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry, but when someone with way less experience accuses me of not knowing what I'm talking about, my hackles are up.

Missy: What's a hackle?

Sheldon: Maxwell's equation my sweet patootie!

Mary: Um, I have Sunday's bulletin for your approval. And I wanted to ask about ordering the palms for Palm Sunday. I know it's early, but as you remember last year, we waited too long and First United Methodist snatched up all the perky ones.

Ms. Hutchins: Oh, hey, 95. Good job.
Sheldon: Really? I'm here every day and it's like you don't know me at all.
Ms. Hutchins: Oh, okay. Um, aw, 95, too bad.
Sheldon: There we go.

Sheldon: You claim that the only way to calculate the magnetic field in QCD units is using Maxwell's equations, but you're completely discrediting energy density.
Dr. John Sturgis: But you're still off. By a factor of 3.54.
Sheldon: Which would seem insignificant, but when examined closely, you realize that it's the square root of four times pi.
Dr. John Sturgis: Your point being?
Sheldon: Rationalized and non-rationalized units differ by four times pi. Anyone with a basic knowledge of electric and magnetic fields would know that.
Meemaw: I'm lost. Are we still being civil?

Mary: And then he said, "For the rest of the day, you're in charge."
George: Mm.
Mary: Those were his exact words. Can you believe it? "You're in charge."
George: Well, that's great.
Mary: And thanks to me, this year United Methodist is gonna get stuck with all the limp palms.
George: Well, I don't know what that means, but good for you.

Mary: I even did some marriage counseling for a couple of young newlyweds.
George: Ooh, what kind of trouble they having?
Mary: Oh, it's all confidential; I really can't say.
George: Well, I don't need specifics, just, you know, general terms.
Mary: They're having sexual problems.
George: Really? Newlyweds?
Mary: But we all prayed on it and then the answer came clear as a bell.
George: Yeah?
Mary: The husband is under a lot of stress at work and it's diminishing his natural desires.
George: Huh. What kind of work does he do he's got so much stress?
Mary: He owns that flower shop across from the post office.
George: Flower shop. Huh.
Mary: You've seen it. It's called The Pretty Petunia.
George: Huh.

Sheldon: To answer your question, Georgie, it's when a scientist is too immature to admit when he's wrong.

Mary: Maybe while you eat we could chat a little.
Mr. Gilford: I'm old, I'm alone, I'm gonna die soon. There, we've chatted.