Dr. Linkletter: How about some music?
Sheldon: No one likes music. How about a car game? Ooh, I have a fun one where I say a formula, and then you have to say another formula starting with the last letter or number that I said. So, for example, if I said, [Linkletter groans] "X" equals negative "B" plus or minus...
Dr. Linkletter: Music it is. [classical music plays]

Meemaw: At what age do guys stop acting like idiots?
Dale: Oh, no. What'd I do now?
Meemaw: Not you. Georgie's dating an older woman and he's lying about his age.
Dale: Oh. That rascal.
Meemaw: You already knew.
Dale: You don't know what I know.
Meemaw: I see it in your face.
Dale: [sighs] Fine.

Meemaw: Well, I hope you told him that he has to come clean.
Dale: ... I did.
Meemaw: Sounds like there's a "but" on the way.
Dale: [sighs] But then he asked me what I would've done.
Meemaw: Dale.
Dale: Well, uh, you don't know all the facts.
Meemaw: What are the facts?
Dale: [clears throat] He said that she was blond and hot.
Meemaw: And that makes it okay to lie?
Dale: At my age, no. At his age...? [off Meemaw's look] No.

George: Here we are.
Missy: Red Lobster?
George: You love this place.
[flashback:]
Missy: Holy moly.
George: It's good, huh?
Missy: Unbelievable.
[present:]
Missy: Yeah, when I was, like, eight.
George: Well, come on, we had our first daddy-daughter date here.
Missy: Oh, my God, don't ever call it that again.
George: What?
Missy: I have friends who come here on actual dates. They might see us.
George: Thought it'd be nice.
Missy: Can we please go anywhere else?
George: [sighs] Fine. You know, they have those cheddar biscuits.
Missy: Dad.
George: Fine.

Georgie: So, where you want to go?
Mandy: I am up for anything.
Georgie: I was thinking the bar, but I go there so much. What about a movie?
Mandy: Or we could just go back to your place.
Georgie: Oh. That- That'd be amazing.
Mandy: Well, amazing's a lot of pressure, but I'll give it a shot. [chuckles]
Georgie: Listen, when I said I moved out of my parents' place, that was true. But I'm kind of living in their garage.
Mandy: Well, my parents are in the bedroom next to mine, so it's your place or nothing.
Georgie: My place works.

George: Well, it's not lobster, but... least your friends won't see us.
Missy: Sorry.
George: It's okay. You're just getting older.
Missy: I guess.
George: Sure I was a jackass to my parents, too.
Missy: Hey!
George: How's your burger?
Missy: So good.
George: It is pretty good. Hey, maybe this can be our new spot for daddy-daughter dates.
Missy: Please stop saying that.
George: What? Daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: Yes.
George: Mm. Okay. What would you like me to call our daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: [chuckles] You're so annoying. [George chuckles]

[Georgie and Mandy are making out on his bed in the garage]
Meemaw: [imaginary] Oh, Georgie. I'm so disappointed in you.
[Georgie pulls away from Mandy]
Mandy: Is everything okay?
Georgie: Yeah. Very okay. [resume kissing]
Meemaw: Tell her before things go too far.
Dale: [imaginary] Would you leave the kid alone? He's just having some fun.
Meemaw: He's lying, and she deserves to know.
Dale: Just let it go.
Meemaw: No. He's feeling guilty, and he's gonna do the right thing.
Dale: Connie, the second that girl's shirt comes off, it's game over.
Meemaw: No. My grandson has more integrity than you're giving him credit...
[Imaginary Meemaw and Dale disappear as Mandy takes her top off]
Georgie: [o.s.] Amazing.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's a shame.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's just an armadillo, right?
Sheldon: It didn't seem that way to you in the van.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know it's silly, but... when I saw it lying there all bald and helpless, I thought, "That's gonna be me one day."
Pat: That is the most damn depressing thing I have ever heard.
Dr. Linkletter: The end of life does tend to be depressing.
Sheldon: In New Orleans, they embrace the tradition of a jazz funeral where the deceased are celebrated through music.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's true. Barkeep, do you happen to have any Dixieland jazz on the jukebox to celebrate the life of an armadillo?
Pat: Y'all need to leave now.

George: Boy, I am stuffed.
Missy: You know, if you're too full to drive, I could help.
George: You're not driving my truck.
Missy: Come on. Just here in the parking lot?
George: No.
Missy: Please, Daddy?
George: I know what you're doing.
Missy: Creating memories that'll last a lifetime?

Dr. Linkletter: I don't want to get ahead of myself, but the strength of the temperature deviations is looking rather spicy.
Sheldon: How spicy?
Dr. Linkletter: Five microkelvin.
Dr. John Sturgis: Muy caliente.

Mary: [on the phone] Dr. Linkletter? Mary Cooper.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah, Mrs. Cooper. I assume this is about the upcoming trip and perhaps your very understandable reluctance to let Sheldon come.
Mary: I have to admit I do have some concerns.
Dr. Linkletter: As you should. So, you're saying you'd prefer he not go with us?
Mary: [sighs] But he'd be so disappointed.
Dr. Linkletter: Not more disappointed than me.
Mary: So, you feel good about him going?
Dr. Linkletter: Only if you feel good about it. You're his parent. I'm just an absentminded academic who's never had children.
Mary: Come on, now. You've been such a great help looking after him at college.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, but college isn't the same as three days in a van.
Mary: Huh. Sheldon can be a nervous traveler.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah. Sounds like you don't want him to go.
Mary: No, I do want him to go. I just want to make sure that you and Dr. Sturgis are okay with it.
Dr. Linkletter: ... We're okay with it. If you're okay with it.
Mary: If you're okay with it, I'm okay with it.
Dr. Linkletter: Then it would seem we're both okay with it.
Mary: Okay.
Dr. Linkletter: Okay.
Mary: Oh, he's gonna be so happy.
Dr. Linkletter: Uh-huh.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry I can't help out on driving duty.
Dr. Linkletter: You really never learned?
Dr. John Sturgis: I got my permit, but I've never been comfortable behind the wheel.
Dr. Linkletter: That's a shame. I do enjoy the tranquility of the open road. I find it produces a Zen-like calm.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mm.
Sheldon: You know what else is calming? A fun car game.
Dr. Linkletter: How about this. We'll count out-of-state license plates. First one to a hundred wins.
Sheldon: Not as fun as mine, but very well. Um... Ooh, Oklahoma.
Dr. Linkletter: Silently.
[Dr. Linkletter smiles as Sheldon falls quiet and he can listen to the classical music, only to be interrupted by Dr. Sturgis munching on some chips]

Dr. John Sturgis: Does it go straight like this for a while?
Dr. Linkletter: It's Texas. Goes straight like this for the rest of our lives. You thinking of giving it a try?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there aren't any cars around. Uh, seems like a good place to practice.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. I could use a break.
Dr. John Sturgis: This is exciting. I'm all atingle.
Sheldon: You are not peeing in a bottle.

Sheldon: Speaking of slow-moving transportation, did you know that the slowest express train in the world is the Glacier Express in Switzerland?
Dr. Linkletter: I spent a month in Switzerland at CERN.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no! I hit an armadillo.
Dr. Linkletter: So? Just keep driving.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I can't. I have to check on it. [car door closes]
Sheldon: Is he hoping it's alive or dead?
Dr. Linkletter: Alive.
Sheldon: Ugh.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no, what have I done?
Sheldon: It's still moving.
Dr. Linkletter: Like we should be. Let's go.
Dr. John Sturgis: We need a box and a towel.
Sheldon: We don't need a coffin. The birds will eat it.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's to keep it safe until we find help.
Dr. Linkletter: John, these animals carry all kinds of diseases.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's what the towel's for.
Sheldon: This is Texas. Armadillo roadkill is practically the state animal.