Adult Sheldon: The next evening, I put my plan into action. I was just like Captain Kirk, if Captain Kirk had to bum a ride from his meemaw. All I needed to do was get into Dr. Lee's office and swap the coordinates. Nothing could stop me. [door is locked]
Sheldon: Dang it.

President Hagemeyer: Well, here's to male egos and all the fun that comes with them. [chuckles]
Dr. Lee: [sighs] You've had to deal with that a lot, huh?
President Hagemeyer: The first month I was here, people kept assuming I was the president's secretary.
Dr. Lee: Did you correct them?
President Hagemeyer: No, I just told them that the president was too busy to see them and then I cut their funding.
Dr. Lee: [laughs] That must have felt good.
President Hagemeyer: Ah, it was like taking off my bra at the end of a long day.
Dr. Lee: Mm-hmm.
President Hagemeyer: But I don't have to tell you.

Dr. Lee: Can you believe there were only three women in my major?
President Hagemeyer: Oh, at least you had each other.
Dr. Lee: Those bitches? Pass.
President Hagemeyer: What about the guys?
Dr. Lee: Either too scared to talk to me or trying to talk me into being horizontal.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, yeah, I hear that.
Dr. Lee: Mm-hmm.
President Hagemeyer: Mm.
Dr. Lee: I've even had projects sabotaged just to make me look bad.
President Hagemeyer: You're kidding.
Dr. Lee: Nope.

President Hagemeyer: Well, what did you do?
Dr. Lee: Well, eventually I realized, [chuckles] I'm an experimental physicist. I can build anything I want to protect my work.
[As Sheldon turns on Dr. Lee's computer, an alarm blares. A cloud of colorful powder is blown at Sheldon's face, making him cough as a picture is taken of him.]
Dr. Lee: And thanks to my kids, I am very familiar with the movie Home Alone. [both laugh]
Adult Sheldon: After a lot of apologizing, a little begging and a note from my mother, I was allowed to keep my role on the team. When Captain Kirk faced the no-win scenario, he didn't have blue and yellow snot for a week.
Sheldon: [sneezes] Ew.

Mary: [low humming] Sounds like the ocean.
George: Oh, it is very relaxing.
Georgie: Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen look trashy.
Sheldon: Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor.
Mary: What's that?
Sheldon: It makes sure the water is heated to the correct temperature for ideal cleaning and drying results.
All: Ooh.
Missy: [scoffs and walks off]
Mary: Where are you going? You're gonna miss the rinse cycle.
Missy: I'm not missing anything. [exits]
George: [dishwasher beeps] Oh, it beeped. Look up "beep."

Missy: So, this Dr. Lee is turning your friends against you?
Sheldon: Essentially.
Missy: Classic move. Most girls you find crying in the school bathroom, that was it.
Sheldon: What do I do?
Missy: Well, you're in a tough spot 'cause your personality is ugh.
Sheldon: There's enough people being mean to me right now.
Missy: Sorry.
Sheldon: Can you help me or not?
Missy: It's you against a bunch of college professors. I don't think you can win this one. [Sheldon starts to walk away] Oh. Do any of them have pimples?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Too bad, I've done a lot of damage with "pizza face."

Dr. Lee: I was carrying pulsers 75 feet up a wet metal ladder when there was an earthquake. [chuckles] So, I am hanging on for dear life...
Sheldon: Ooh, we should set up several radio telescopes on different rooftops in an array.
Dr. Lee: [Mandarin: "Does this kid have an off switch?"]
Dr. John Sturgis: You speak Mandarin.
Dr. Linkletter: [Mandarin: "I do. I take it you do as well?"]
Dr. John Sturgis: [Mandarin: "Yes. And Sheldon doesn't have an off switch..."]
Sheldon: I heard my name. What are they saying?
Dr. Linkletter: I don't speak Mandarin. Just a little French.
Dr. Lee: Oh, really? [French: "I asked if Sheldon has an off switch."]
Dr. Linkletter: Ha! [French: "I wish he did!"] [laughter]
Sheldon: Well, does anyone here speak Klingon? [Klingon: "Where do you keep the chocolate?"]

Mary: $20 on pump four, please.
Hal: You got it. Here you go.
Mary: What's this?
Hal: Promotion for the new lottery. Every ten gallons, you get a free scratcher.
Mary: Oh, I don't believe in gambling.
Hal: Great, I'll take it.
Mary: Oh, I don't believe you should be gambling, either.
Hal: So, you don't want it?
Mary: No.
Hal: Then I'm scratching it.
Mary: Sorry. Not on my watch. You can thank me in heaven.

Sheldon: So you really thought you could tell us we were all in charge and we wouldn't figure it out?
President Hagemeyer: Well, in my defense, I said to each of you, "Let's keep this between us." I'm a little disappointed that you broke my trust.
Sheldon: That is true. We're sorry.
Dr. Linkletter: Don't apologize for that. We were being manipulated.
Dr. John Sturgis: You were the one who blabbed first.
Dr. Linkletter: That's because you kept slowing us down with your outmoded ideas.
Sheldon: Gentlemen, if we could just follow my plan...
Dr. Sturgis & Dr. Linkletter: [in unison] No.

President Hagemeyer: Well, I hope that you're starting to see the challenge I faced putting any of you in charge.
Sheldon: You're right, we're sorry.
Dr. Linkletter: Stop that.
Sheldon: Sorry.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, we can't move forward until a project leader is chosen.
Sheldon: He's right, I'll do it.
Dr. Linkletter: You're a child.
Dr. John Sturgis: [to Linkletter] You're a child.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, you're all children.
Sheldon: Sorry. [to Linkletter] Sorry.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, who's it gonna be?
[cut to:]
Dr. Lee: Gentlemen, I'm Dr. Carol Lee, director of the new experimental cosmology center.
Sheldon: What makes you qualified to lead our project?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah.
Dr. Lee: Well, I have a PhD in physics from Berkeley, I worked at IBM's Watson Research Center as lead of the materials research group, and I raised three little boys, which I understand you've been acting like.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds like she can handle it.

Mary: [praying] Dear Lord, please forgive me. I shouldn't have finished that scratcher. That was wrong. But now that I have the money, my family could really use it. I know. Gambling is a sin. Although, I didn't buy the scratcher, so is that even gambling?
George: Why is Missy saying we're rich?

Dr. Lee: I suggest we mount a radio telescope on the roof so that we can get a good read on the fluctuations in radiation.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. We'll pick a small region of the sky and drill down.
Dr. John Sturgis: Whoa, whoa, pump your brakes. We need at least a 45-square-degree sector of the sky in order to take any meaningful readings.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous. What we need to do is cut a single linear section across the horizon.
Dr. Linkletter: No, if we don't focus, we won't get any useful data. I suggest 20 arc minutes max. The trick is to pick a good spot.
Dr. John Sturgis: You want a trick? Go see David Copperfield.
Dr. Linkletter: How about I make you disappear?
Dr. Lee: [claps] Do I need to separate you? Or can we try to put our minds together for the advancement of science?
Dr. Linkletter: The second one.
Sheldon: I know you're new here, ma'am, but this is our process. They argue, I swoop in and save the day. It may seem unorthodox to you, however... [Dr. Lee claps again] The- The second one.

Mary: I'm gonna tell you right now, we can't keep it.
George: It's not a puppy, Mary, it's 500 bucks.
Mary: It is gambling.
George: Then why'd you buy the ticket?
Mary: I didn't buy it. They gave it to me at the gas station.
George: Okay, well, that sounds like a gift from God. You don't want to make Him mad.
Mary: That is not how God works, George.
George: What if He wanted you to have it to give to the Church?
Mary: Well...
George: Well, uh, based on that, what ifHe wanted you to have it so we could buy stuff?
Mary: George.
George: All I'm saying is, we work hard, we're good people. Maybe we deserve this.

Dr. Lee: How can I help you?
Sheldon: I feel like my contributions aren't being taken seriously.
Dr. Lee: Oh, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm listening to everyone's contributions.
Sheldon: But you're not taking any of mine.
Dr. Lee: No. But Drs. Linkletter and Sturgis seem happy with the direction we're headed.
Sheldon: Well, I think it's because you're using your feminine wiles.
Dr. Lee: And what exactly do you think that means?
Sheldon: I'm not sure, but you are wearing lip gloss and seem to have good hygiene. And if you're trying to use them on me, it's not going to work.
Dr. Lee: Sheldon, I assure you that I'm just trying to do what's best for the project.
Sheldon: Excellent, then you'll want to set up several telescopes in an array.
Dr. Lee: I hear you, but... ghobe'.
Sheldon: Wait, that's "no" in Klingon. Do you speak Klingon?
Dr. Lee: I looked up that one word. I had a feeling it would come in handy. [Sheldon grunts]