Coach Wilkins: Are you okay?
George Sr.: Oh, jim-dandy.
Coach Wilkins: Is this one of those times where you say you don't want to talk about it, and then you make me go to the bar, and then you talk about it?
George Sr.: No.
Coach Wilkins: All right.
[cut to George and Coach Wilkins at a bar:]
George Sr.: I'm gonna tell you something.
Coach Wilkins: Lay it on me.
George Sr.: This is serious. You can't tell anyone.
Coach Wilkins: Okay.
George Sr.: Georgie got a girl pregnant.
Coach Wilkins: Wow. Oh. Congratulations?
George Sr.: On having a dope for a son? Thanks.
Coach Wilkins: Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but weren't you a similar kind of dope with Mary?
George Sr.: It's different. Georgie's, like, 11 years younger than this girl.
Coach Wilkins: That is different. [to the bartender] We're gonna need a couple shots over here.

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Missy: [groans] Mom and Dad are still really upset.
Sheldon: With good reason. She's awfully old to be having a baby.
Missy: Is it really dangerous?
Sheldon: Not with modern science, but back in pioneer times, we'd be burying her down by the crick.
Missy: I'm just saying they're cranky enough, so don't be a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm always on my best behavior. You're the hormonal firecracker around here.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: And thar she blows. Moby Dick. It's a book.

George Sr.: Where the hell's my travel mug?
Mary: I think Georgie took it, dear.
George Sr.: That son of a gun.
Mary: Missy, your father's gonna take you to school today.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy. I hope it's not too much trouble.
George Sr.: [smiles] No trouble at all, my little angel. [Mary smiles at Missy, too]
Sheldon: [to Missy] Why'd you say they're cranky? They're fine.

Meemaw: What's up?
Missy: Why won't Mom and Dad tell us what's going on?
Meemaw: Well, there might be several reasons for that, but right off the top of my head, I'd say none of your damn business.
Sheldon: Mom's having a baby, and that's none of our business?
Meemaw: [chuckles] Is that what you think's going on?
Missy: Isn't it?
Meemaw: No.
Sheldon: Then what's going on?
Meemaw: None of your damn business.