Mary: [scoffs] Oh, look at these prices. I could make this dress for Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] Meemaw, make her stop.
Meemaw: Come on, Mary. You already got one kid that gets picked on.

Oscar: So, how old are you?
Sheldon: Twelve.
Oscar: Damn.
Darren: And they let you live here by yourself?
Sheldon: That room's just for during the day to study.
Oscar: Didn't I see some lady in there?
Sheldon: That must've been my mom.
Oscar: Dude, his mom is hot.
Darren: What is wrong with you? Don't listen to him. He thinks any female with a pulse is hot.
Oscar: I don't think your mom is hot.
Darren: Congratulations, you're more mature than him.
Sheldon: Don't feel bad. I'm more mature than most people.

Adult Sheldon: I was learning to enjoy the perks of university life, including a dorm to study and nap in. And since this was college, I was even allowed to have girls in my room.
Mary: Here we go. Nice and clean.
Sheldon: Did you use the unscented detergent?
Mary: You've got a nose. Sniff it yourself.
Adult Sheldon: I even had my own bathroom, which gave me the perfect place to store my impressive collection of sunscreens and bug repellents. However, one thing I would never get used to was college students' love of blasting rock and roll music. [video game music playing]

Mary: Esther would be so proud. This is a face that would stop the spilling of blood.
Ann: You think?
Mary: I do. Now, if you order the starter package today, I will throw in the spring palette.
Ann: Sold.
Mary: Oh, praise the Lord. Now who's next?

Mr. Givens: Well, if Star Trek is so great, how come Lost in Space kicked its butt in the ratings? [all oohing]
Nathan: Well, if Lost in Space is so great, how come no one's ever remade it?
Sheldon: That's true, they're still making Star Trek movies and a new series.
Nathan: Yeah, which is even better than the original. [all oohing]
Sheldon: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Nathan: You heard me, Star Trek: Next Gen is better than Original Series.
Mr. Givens: Lost in Space brought me hours of happiness as a child, you... jerks.

Nathan: So how do you know Dr. Smith over there?
Sheldon: That's not Dr. Smith, that's Mr. Givens. He was my high school science teacher.
Nathan: Oh. Well, he's dressed as Dr. Smith from Lost in Space.
Sheldon: Oh, I've never seen it.
Nathan: Yeah, well, you're not missing much. It was a lame kids' show.
Mr. Givens: I'm sorry, "lame kids' show"? For your information, Star Trek wouldn't exist without Lost in Space. [all oohing]
Nathan: Yeah, well, at least Star Trek didn't have to steal its robot from Forbidden Planet. [all oohing]
Sheldon: I take it from their reaction that was a good dig?
Nathan: Solid.
Sheldon: Nice job.

Mary: So, today I thought maybe we'd mix things up a little bit, and do some reading from Esther.
Betty: I don't think I've ever read Esther.
Mary: Oh, you are in for a treat. There is some good stuff in here. Let us open our Bibles to, uh, chapter two, verse 12. "Before a young woman's turn came to go into King Xerxes, she had to complete 12 months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women: six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics." Did anyone else realize that cosmetics were right here in the Bible? I just find that fascinating.
Betty: Uh, well, t-this next verse talks about her being a concubine.
Mary: Hey, hey, don't skip ahead. We're still talking cosmetics. Did you know that Esther used her beauty to stop a genocide?
Ann: Really?
Mary: Sometimes, I think we forget how powerful beauty can be. But I know I sure feel powerful when I'm wearing this new line of Mary Kay cosmetics. Take a gander, ladies.

Adult Sheldon: I was normally a rule follower, but one of the rules of spring break is to cut loose and break rules.
Sheldon: I'm heading out.
Mary: Where you going?
Sheldon: To see my comic book friends.
George Sr.: Hmm. I'm leaving in a few. You want a ride?
Sheldon: No, I'm taking my bike.
Adult Sheldon: All the way to the bus station. [Sheldon smirks]
George Sr.: Something funny?
Sheldon: Not funny. Just normal.
Adult Sheldon: Smooth.
Sheldon: Bye.
Adult Sheldon: So smooth.

Mary: So, where do I go from here? I've kind of talked to everybody I know.
Mr. Lundy: Mm. Well, new faces are the lifeblood of our business.
Mary: How do I find new faces?
Mr. Lundy: Don't you run a Bible study?
Mary: Uh, I don't know that I'd be comfortable trying to make sales in a religious setting.
Mr. Lundy: Mary, if God didn't want people to wear makeup, he'd have made 'em less ugly.
Mary: Well, that's one way to look at it.
Mr. Lundy: Mm-hmm. And you have a daughter, right?
Mary: Well, she's not even a teenager yet.
Mr. Lundy: This is when it starts. Would you rather her borrowing makeup from friends, passing it back and forth?
Mary: She has stolen it from my bag.
Mr. Lundy: See? Forget about a pink Caddy. Now we're talking pink eye. Which, if she does catch it, a little waterproof eyeliner, you'd never know.

Mr. Lundy: You never forget your first sale.
Mary: I know. I am still tingling.
Mr. Lundy: I love that feeling. I don't even drink coffee anymore. I just go on tingle power. [both laughs]
Mary: And she didn't just get the starter kit. She got the mud mask, she got the exfoliator.
Mr. Lundy: I had a feeling about you, Mary. It's just a matter of time before you're behind the wheel of your own pink Cadillac, and take it from me, you will be stared at. I am.

Mary: But, hey, I am not just selling makeup. I am selling confidence.
Ms. Hutchins: You are?
Mary: I sure am. Now, are you a strong and confident woman?
Ms. Hutchins: Not remotely.
Mary: Well, do you want to be?
Ms. Hutchins: I guess.

Meemaw: [to Mary] Sorry. No. [to Sheldon] And what do you want?
Sheldon: For you to go on a bus with me to a comic book convention in Texarkana.
Meemaw: [laughing] God, no.

Mary: Oh. You look fantastic. Ready to buy?
Peg: No, but I'm ready to hit the dog track.

Sheldon: And the best news is it's only a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride away.
George Sr.: So you want me to ride on a bus for hours with a bunch of kids to a comic book convention?
Sheldon: It's mostly adults. Many are in costumes.
George Sr.: No.

Sheldon: Would you like to go with me to a comic book convention?
George Jr.: Will there be girls there?
[Sheldon turns around and walks away without saying a word]

Mary: [o.s.] Sheldon? Where are you?
Pastor Rob: [o.s.] Sheldon?
Adult Sheldon: That night began my winning streak at sardines. Every lock-in, every birthday party, someone suggested we play, and I won every time.
Mary: Sheldon!
Adult Sheldon: I'm the king of sardines.

Mandy: Before this goes any further, there's something I got to tell you.
George Jr.: This is going further? Sweet.
Mandy: Listen to me. I wasn't completely honest about my age.
George Jr.: You weren't?
Mandy: I'm actually... 29.
George Jr.: No kidding.
Mandy: Yeah.
George Jr.: Well, then, I guess there's something I should tell you. I'm totally fine with that.
Mandy: Great. [they kiss]

Brenda Sparks: Anyway, his name is Billy, and he's in sixth grade, so you're gonna be seeing him in three or four or five years. [Petersen laughs]
George Sr.: You met him at my house when we were playing poker.
Principal Petersen: The big kid. I love that kid.
George Sr.: Mm-hmm.
Brenda Sparks: Good. Remember that when he's failing homeroom.
Principal Petersen: Oh, don't worry about grades. He's gonna be a linebacker. Where you been hiding this one, George?
George Sr.: Haven't been hiding her.
Brenda Sparks: Well, not that easy to hide.
Principal Petersen: [chuckles] I'll get us another round. [whispers to George] Tell her how I make more money than you.

Principal Petersen: Interesting bar, George.
George Sr.: Just wanted a change of pace.
Principal Petersen: Well, other than the noise and smell, you've picked a winner.
George Sr.: You want to go someplace else, we'll go someplace else.
Principal Petersen: No, I'm happy to stay here and bust your balls. I see they've even got a chili dog buffet, and just the sight of it makes me want to sit on a toilet.

Adult Sheldon: There were certain status symbols in Texas that indicated you were a success. A rodeo champion belt buckle... Or as I call it, the Redneck Nobel Prize. Custom-built ostrich skin boots. One less giant running bird in the world is fine by this cowpoke. And possibly the ultimate status symbol... The pink Cadillac, driven by an elite Mary Kay super seller.