Meemaw: Listen, I need you to help me with this. I don't want to run this dump.
Georgie: Then why'd you buy it?
Meemaw: [exhales] I'm retired. I thought it might be fun, get me out of the house.
Georgie: And you picked a laundromat?
Meemaw: It seemed like a better opportunity at the moment.
Georgie: What happened? You get tricked by a con man?
Meemaw: No.
Georgie: It's all right. Happens to a lot of people your age.

Coach Wilkins: Hey, uh, how's bachelor life treating you?
George: Good. Mary makes this parenting thing seem hard. I'm great at it.
Coach Wilkins: So, you finally gave it a shot. Good for you.
George: Make your jokes, but I'm even helping out kids that aren't mine.
Coach Wilkins: Really?
George: Billy Sparks got a little crush on Missy.
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Danger zone.
George: What? [chuckles] Why?
Coach Wilkins: Getting in the middle of your teenage daughter's love life? What could possibly go wrong?
George: I can't win with you.

George: I'm not even gonna tell you how I helped Sheldon.
Coach Wilkins: It may be better you don't.
George: Fine. I used a sports metaphor about science, and it worked.
Coach Wilkins: I'm sure it did.
George: It did.
Coach Wilkins: I'm sure.
George: You should be.
Coach Wilkins: I am.
George: Good.
Coach Wilkins: It is good.
George: Are you just gonna keep having the last word?
Coach Wilkins: No.
George: Thank you. [sighs] [Coach Wilkins is silent] Just say it.
Coach Wilkins: You're welcome.

Georgie: Hey, you took a shot. That's impressive.
Meemaw: I guess.
Georgie: I mean, most folks your age have someone cutting up their food.
Meemaw: That's enough.
Georgie: Well, I still think you're a badass.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Thank you. We should probably get back out there.
Georgie: Oh. [chuckles] I ain't working for you. But I'm rooting for you.

Coach Wilkins: You've been doing such a good job at home, I thought you should be recognized.
George: [chuckles] Oh. Thanks.
Coach Wilkins: Mm. How'd everything go last night?
George: Not bad. Not bad.
Coach Wilkins: Glad to hear it. You lying sack.
George: What?
Coach Wilkins: I know Billy asked Missy out and it all went south. Darlene told me everything.
George: Oh, man, how did she find out?
Coach Wilkins: You know how gossip flies in the teachers' lounge.
George: Fine. Everything you said is true. Shouldn't have gotten involved.
Coach Wilkins: Well, I'm-a let you keep the mug as a goal to work towards.
George: Mm, gee, thanks.
Coach Wilkins: How'd the thing with Sheldon go? [George exhales] All right, give me the mug back.
George: Gladly.

Meemaw: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Georgie: Why?
Meemaw: Because I don't run a carnival. Grown-up people don't-don't gamble to win a teddy bear.
Georgie: You're not getting it.
Meemaw: I'm getting that it's dumb.
Georgie: I'm trying to help you.
Meemaw: If you really wanted to help me, you would stick your head in there and start scraping.

George: Tough week, huh?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
George: Yeah, I been there.
Billy Sparks: You have?
George: Oh, yeah. Darcy Lockhart, eighth grade. Shut me down on the school bus.
Billy Sparks: That sounds awful.
George: Couldn't even leave. Just had to sit there. I asked nine stops too early.
Billy Sparks: What did you do?
George: I felt bad for a while, but then I asked out Maggie Gormly.
Billy Sparks: She said yes?
George: Absolutely not. And would you believe I did it on the bus a second time? What a dope.

Billy Sparks: Well, I'm never asking anybody out again.
George: You will. At least the worst part's over.
Billy Sparks: Doesn't feel like it.
George: Hey. You got rejected, but was it the end of the world?
Billy Sparks: No.
George: And that is extremely valuable information. A lot of guys don't learn that and stop taking chances. And honestly, you dodged a bullet with Missy. The girl is mean.
Billy Sparks: Thanks.

Dale: What about Georgie's idea?
Meemaw: That dumb Chuck E. Cheese thing? Dale, come on.
Dale: Well, actually, I think it's kind of brilliant.
Meemaw: You think that grown-ups are gonna gamble for some stuffed animals?
Dale: Yeah, that you're buying back from them.
Meemaw: Well, a teddy bear's only worth a couple of bucks.
Dale: It's worth whatever you say it's worth. They win a hundred bucks, then it's worth a hundred bucks.

Billy Sparks: I would like your permission to ask out Missy.
George: Really?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
George: Okay. Uh... [TV turns off] Well, I appreciate you coming to me.
Billy Sparks: I wanted to do this the right way.
George: Uh-huh. You know, Billy, this sounds like a big step. I'm not sure Missy's really ready for dating yet.
Billy Sparks: She went out with Marcus from school. They went to the movies.
George: Yeah, that is... meaningful.
Billy Sparks: But they broke up, so now's my chance.

Sheldon: You see it, right?
Dr. Linkletter: That Dr. Sturgis was correct and I need to eat crow and go back to him?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: Let's just give it another moment. [water gurgles]

Adult Sheldon: My brother went to the laundromat, excited to meet the female customer base my meemaw had promised.
[fantasy: a bunch of scantily-clad young woman dance and soap themselves up at the laundromat]
[reality: an older woman shakes out her underwear:]
Georgie: You said "girls."
Meemaw: They were girls once.
Georgie: Not in this century.

Georgie: A secret casino room?
Meemaw: Yeah. The cops shut me down.
Georgie: That is so cool.
Meemaw: Very cool. I got a room full of slot machines I can't turn on and a room full of washing machines I don't want.

George: So, how'd it go?
Sheldon: I had Dr. Sturgis present his ideas to Dr. Linkletter like you said.
George: And?
[flashback:]
Dr. Linkletter: John, I must say, that might be the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckles] Big talk coming from the man who thought the whole thing could be explained with classical field theory.
[present:]
George: Oh, no. Then what happened?
Sheldon: Well...
[flashback:]
Dr. Linkletter: Why on earth would you bring this crackpot into my lab?
[present:]
George: You didn't mention me, did you?
[flashback:]
Sheldon: Because we're all on Team Science, and don't we want Team Science to win?
[present:]
George: Okay, good.
Sheldon: But then...
[flashback:]
Dr. John Sturgis: "Team Science"?
Dr. Linkletter: And where did you get that bit of clichéd nonsense?
Sheldon: My dad.
[present:]
George: [exhales]

Missy: What did you say to Billy?
George: Uh... What did Billy say to you?
Missy: He asked me out. And he said he talked to you about it?
George: Well, yes, but...
Missy: Why wouldn't you warn me? He asked me out in front of my friends.
George: I didn't tell him to do it. I-I told him to think about it.
Missy: Well, he thought about it, and then he did it, so thanks a lot. [walks away]
George: [sighs] Wayne was right.
Missy: [turns back] You told Coach Wilkins?
George: A little.
Missy: His wife is my teacher. Do you have any idea how bad this is?
George: I'm putting it together. [Missy huffs angrily] I didn't tell him to do it!