Reverend Travis Lemon: [on TV] The same is true for you. Jesus fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread, but somebody had to give him those loaves. And that's what I need from you. Every dollar you donate to the Travis Lemon ministry will be returned to you tenfold!
Mary: Tenfold, my sweet patootie
Reverend Travis Lemon: As ye sow, so shall ye reap. Daphne, get the address on the screen? So you get the checkbook out, and you show how much you love the Lord, and the Lord will love you back.
And when your neighbor asks you, "Where'd you get that new Cadillac?" you tell 'em, "On the corner of Heaven and Saved."
Mary: Oh, what the heck.
Reverend Travis Lemon: All right, Steve-arooni, let's hit it! [upbeat rock music plays]

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Pastor Jeff: And now George's loving wife Mary would like to say a few words. Mary.
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff. Um... [clears throat] I met George in high school. Well, I was in high school. He was an older man with a motorcycle. [light laughter] I'd like to tell you he caught my eye, but actually it was the motorcycle. [laughter] [voice breaking] I'm sorry, I can't... do this. I am... so angry. [sighs] George and I had our ups and downs, but we were finally in such a good place, and then he... left. [crying] He left all of us. I- How could you do that? [Meemaw stands up] I am so mad at him. I'm mad at God, I'm mad at myself for not trying harder while he was here. [Meemaw goes up to Mary] This wasn't supposed to happen. [Mary sobs] [Meemaw hugs Mary] [Georgie hugs a crying Missy]

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Joaquin: The problem is we've lost control. This is Frankenstein's monster.
Sheldon: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Joaquin: What?
Sheldon: To reanimate life was an incredible scientific achievement. The real bad guys in the story are the ignorant villagers.
Joaquin: You were on the monster's side?
Sheldon: Unfairly hounded for being different? You betcha.

Evan: It's your call. Particle accelerator, or no particle accelerator?
Sheldon: Let me fetch my money sock.
Evan: You keep your money in a sock?
Sheldon: My meemaw keeps her money in her bra.

Mary: Well, we disagree. Reverend Travis says that the Lord wants me to be prosperous and I believe him.
Pastor Jeff: This is nothing but a coincidence. You overpaid your taxes, you got a refund, Jesus has nothing to do with it.
Mary: You sound like Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: I believe I know my way out. [Mary points to the door]