Mandy: I'm just waiting 'cause... Well, you've met my mom.
Georgie: Although, she's been pretty sweet with CeeCee.
Mary: Well, some people are better grandmas than moms.
Meemaw: Is that a swipe at me?
Mary: Could be a compliment. Maybe I was saying you improved with...
Meemaw: Stuff it.
George: I think you're a wonderful grandma.
Meemaw: You can stuff it, too.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Oh, I know that you're hurting, and... I'm here for you, so... what do you need?
Meemaw: Great, take me drinking.
Mary: It is 3:30 in the afternoon.
Meemaw: Yes, it's called happy hour.
Mary: I have to make dinner.
Meemaw: Oh, fine. I'll just be sad and drunk by myself. Maybe I'll go home with the bartender.
Mary: Missy! I have to go out with your meemaw, but I'll be back later with KFC.

Missy: One question.
George: Yes?
Missy: What's 0600?

Mary: And please look after Sheldon and I as we travel to Germany.
Sheldon: "Sheldon and me".
Mary: [sighs] God doesn't care about grammar.
Sheldon: You're not gonna be on a ten-hour flight with God.
Georgie: I bet it's gonna feel longer than ten.

Sheldon: When we get there, you'll be looking for "international departures".
George: Ah, well, thanks for letting me know that Germany's in a different country.
Sheldon: Is he joking? I'd like to believe he's joking.
Mary: He's joking, Sheldon.
Sheldon: He's a football coach. I don't know what he knows.