Dale: Have you tried the meatballs here? They are fantastic.
Meemaw: I haven't. But speaking of meatballs, I hear you're gonna hang out with my son-in-law.
Dale: Yeah.
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Oh. You don't like that at all.
Meemaw: No, it's fine with me. I hope you all go out and have a grand old time.
Dale: Oh. Yeah, well, what's the matter? You afraid I'm gonna find out all your secrets?
Meemaw: Calm down. You're enjoying this a little too much.
Dale: Enjoying it? I'm loving it. Look how mad you're getting. Come on, what's he got on you? Did you do some jail time? Were you a go-go dancer?
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Have you got a tattoo in a naughty place? Can I see it?

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Meemaw: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Georgie: [o.s.] Did you like school?
Dale: Hated it. I quit and I joined the Army.
Georgie: [o.s.] How was that?
Dale: Less girls, more getting shot at.
Georgie: [enters] Well, at least you made it out alive.
Dale: Well, then I got married. Made me kind of miss getting shot at.
Georgie: Have you ever been happy?
Dale: Ooh, let's see. No.

Mandy: Do they know about Georgie?
Meemaw: No, of course not.
Dale: Your grandma's not a snitch. Which, by the way, will serve you well if you end up in the slammer.
Meemaw: The pokey, the slammer. What is it with you?
Dale: I like cop shows. You learn things.

Lisa: [modem screeching] What's that noise?
Georgie: No idea.
Sheldon: Georgie, I need you to get off the phone.
Georgie: Hang on, Lisa. I'm helping someone with their English homework.
Sheldon: I don't have time for jokes. I need the phone line to connect my modem.
Georgie: What the hell's a modem?
Sheldon: It links my computer to an interconnected web of other computers in order to facilitate the exchange of ideas.
Georgie: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
Adult Sheldon: Sadly, that was not the stupidest thing he ever said.

Adult Sheldon: Thanks to Dr. Sturgis, I had all the intellectual ammunition I needed to bring my opponent to his knees. I accused him of conflating two different interpretations of quantum theory, woefully misrepresenting Paul Dirac, and when I called him a dung beetle in Latin, I was so riled up, I almost started producing testosterone.

Dr. John Sturgis: [answering the phone] Hello?
Sheldon: I'm having a scientific argument with someone and I need your help.
Dr. John Sturgis: I do love a good science fight. Has it devolved to name-calling yet?
Sheldon: Yes. I called him a Pongo pygmaeus.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh! A Bornean orangutan. That is a creature who would be very bad at science. Well done.
Sheldon: I know.
Dr. John Sturgis: So how can I help?
Sheldon: I posted a theory on the collapse of wave function. We've been arguing back and forth and he's saying that my probabilities come out negative.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hmm. I see. Have you considered that negative probabilities can still have meaning?
Sheldon: Ooh, I hadn't. That suggests another idea. I can argue that negative probabilities only show up in intermediate steps. I'm gonna destroy him with this.
Dr. John Sturgis: And when you do, feel free to call him a Scarabaeus viettei, a dung beetle.
Sheldon: Oh, I so admire your mind.
Dr. John Sturgis: Back at you, little man.