Missy: How old was Mom when you let her wear makeup?
Meemaw: I don't know, I didn't really have rules like that.
Missy: See? How come you're so cool and she's such a dud?
Meemaw: Well, I wouldn't call her a dud.
Missy: What would you call her?
Meemaw: Point is, she wasn't always like that.
Missy: What was she like?
Meemaw: When she was a teenager, she was just wild.
Missy: Really?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. She used to wait until I went to sleep and then she would sneak out and get into trouble with her friends.
Missy: My mom?
Meemaw: Your mom. And then she would climb up the tree on the side of the house and sneak back in.
Missy: Amazing.
Meemaw: Is that how you're getting in?
Missy: I will never tell you that.

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it.
Missy: And bless Mom.
Mary: Thank you. Amen.
Missy: Amen.
George Jr.: Amen.
Sheldon: She's the hands that prepared it. Your blessing is redundant.
Mary: Let's eat.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

Tam: Look at this, my mother left me a note. "You can do better. Mom." Not "Love, Mom," not "XO, Mom," just "Mom."

Sheldon: Good news, I just spoke to Tommy Clarkson.
George Jr.: What? Are you crazy?
Sheldon: Nope, Mom had me tested.

Sheldon: Excuse me, sir. When you're done urinating, I'd like to ask you some questions about social dynamics, intimidation, threats, et cetera. Finish up, no hurry.