Sheldon: I started working on this presentation to address specific ethical dilemmas. The laws of robotics, whether torture can be justified, and cloning people for fun and spare parts. But I realized before resolving any of these moral quandaries, the real decision is who gets to decide. Do we put it up for a vote? Does everyone get to decide for themselves? Should it be by committee? Is that committee elected or appointed? You see where I'm going? You probably don't. For the smartest decision, we need the smartest person. Ladies and gentlemen, in the field of scientific ethics, we can't rely on democracy or plutocracy. We need an autocracy, or to be more precise, a "Sheldocracy." [slams fist] [military march plays]
Dr. John Sturgis: Um, I don't think this was the assignment.
Sheldon: Sorry, Dr. Sturgis, I pick the assignments now. Everybody, for next class, I want 500 words on what you can do to further the Sheldocracy. Punishment for typos will be severe.
Dr. John Sturgis: Class dismissed.
Sheldon: Hey, that's my line.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it isn't.
Sheldon: Why don't you see me after class. Class dismissed.

Sheldon: Good morning, everyone. Niblingo.
Mandy: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: It's an honorific I came up with to describe a woman who's carrying my future niece or nephew but is not related to me by law.
Missy: You remember Sheldon.
Mandy: I do.
Missy: [nods] Yeah.

Meemaw: You looking for a new church?
Mary: Not yet.
Meemaw: 'Cause I can see you going Catholic. You got a "get thee to a nunnery" vibe.

George Sr.: It's like she's a different person.
Dale: That reminds me of a film. A lady fell off a boat, she hit her head, and when she woke up, she was a completely different person.
George Sr.: What's your point?
Dale: Did Mary fall off a boat recently?
George Sr.: Not that I know of.
Dale: Well, you should ask her.
George Sr.: We're not boat people, Dale.

Sheldon: Can you two help me with my homework?
George Sr.: Did I hear him right?
Missy: Yeah, he asked for help.
George Sr.: With his schoolwork?
Missy: Yep.
George Sr.: How long have you known him?
Missy: All my life.
George Sr.: Has he ever asked for help?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Hello.

[fantasy:]
Dusty: And I'm telling you, your feelings are valid.
Mary: I don't know.
Dusty: Hey. Hey. Look at me. I know. Now, tell me about the rest of your day.
Mary: Dusty... I think I'm done talking.
Dusty: Do you mean...?
Mary: I do. [they start to kiss]
Missy: [o.s.] [banging on door] Mom, I've really got to go!
Mary: Use the sink in the garage!

Mandy: Hey, uh, what's the bathroom situation?
George Jr.: Oh, I pay rent. You can use the one in the house.
Mandy: Good, I was afraid you were gonna say that sink.
George Jr.: [scoffs] The sink? That's kind of gross.
Mandy: I'll be right back. [exits]
George Jr.: Looks like you're just a sink again. [tap drips]

George Jr.: You can hang your dresses and whatnot on the barbell.
Mandy: Fancy. So we're clear, uh, just 'cause we're sleeping together doesn't mean we're... "sleeping" together.
George Jr.: I understand. If you want, you can take the bed and I'll sleep on the floor.
Mandy: Oh, I can't ask you to do that.
George Jr.: It's okay. I got a sleeping bag, and I'm young.
Mandy: We'll share the bed, just, uh, keep your hands to yourself.
George Jr.: Works both ways. You keep your hands to yourself.
Mandy: I'll manage.
George Jr.: Well, if you find you can't, that's okay, too.

George Jr.: Go ahead and take a seat, I'll make you some scrambled eggs.
Missy: Since when do you make eggs?
George Jr.: I can make eggs.
Missy: [quietly] He can't make eggs.
Mandy: Actually, my stomach's a little queasy. How about just some toast?
George Jr.: Great. Toast, I can do.

Sheldon: I'm glad you're here. I have a question about robot ethics I was hoping you could help me with.
George Jr.: Sheldon, leave her alone.
Mandy: No, it's okay, he can ask me a question. I'm his, uh... What am I?
Sheldon: Niblingo.
Mandy: Niblingo. What's your question?
Sheldon: Ethically, should a robot be programmed to never kill, even if killing would save lives?
George Jr.: Where's the dang toaster?
Missy: Welcome to breakfast at our house.

Dale: When I was married to June, she was going through the change.
George Sr.: Hmm.
Dale: She became downright frisky.
George Sr.: I think Mary's a little young for the change.
Dale: Well, you'd think. Nature's curious. I went to school with a kid whose hair turned gray in the tenth grade. We called him Whitey.
George Sr.: Clever.
Dale: He used to buy us liquor. Oh, anyway, what I'm saying is that have the family medic do a once-over on her. You know, kick the tires, see how she's rolling.
George Sr.: Yeah, thanks, Dale. I tell you my wife wants to have sex with me, you tell me she needs to see a doctor.
Dale: Well, I'm sorry. You making a woman hot, that's completely normal.

George Jr.: Oh, you hungry? You want some SpaghettiOs? [holds up an open can with spoon] I'm sorry, that was rude. [swaps spoon] There's your clean spoon. [licks food off his thumb]

George Jr.: Why do you look like you're gonna cry?
Mandy: [cries] 'Cause I am.
George Jr.: What's wrong?
Mandy: My whole life. A year ago, I was a TV weather girl in San Antonio, and now I'm living in a garage with the 17-year-old who got me pregnant.
George Jr.: I'll be 18 before you know it.
Mandy: [crying] But not before you're a father!
George Jr.: Okay, well, what can I do?
Mandy: Nothing, you're doing great. That's how screwed up my life is right now, you're the best part of it.

George Jr.: This is a surprise.
Mandy: Sorry to just drop in.
George Jr.: No. No, it's okay. Let me just... Sorry. The cleaning lady didn't come today.
Mandy: Your mother?
George Jr.: [scoffs] Good one.

George Jr.: It's gonna be okay.
Mandy: [sniffles] Is it? [whispers] I peed in the sink last night.

Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. I don't think I can do the assignment.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not? Just pick either side of any ethical argument and present it.
Sheldon: But how do I know which argument to present?
Dr. John Sturgis: Any one you want.
Sheldon: And how do I know which side to take?
Dr. John Sturgis: Any side you want.
Sheldon: But I want to take the right side.
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe there is no right side.
Sheldon: [groans] This is torture, and that can't be ethical.
Dr. John Sturgis: There you go! You picked a subject. And a side.
Sheldon: Oh. Good. Torture is unethical. That's clearly the correct position.
Dr. John Sturgis: I agree. But what if there's a bomb hidden underneath the city and someone says that the only way to find out its location is through torture? Answer that.
Sheldon: Let's see. Batman plays by Gotham City rules and would use torture, but Superman's got those Midwest values. I hate ethics!

George Jr.: Well, I'll leave you with this. There's some ice cream in there. You might want to make that a priority.
Mandy: [scoffs] Okay. Good night.
George Jr.: I got you the kind with three different flavors 'cause I didn't know what you liked.
Mandy: Bye.
George Jr.: It's chocolate, vanilla and pink.

George Jr.: Don't worry. I'll pay to get your power turned back on.
Mandy: I'm not a charity case. I can figure this out on my own.
George Jr.: But you can't even watch TV. What kind of life is that?
Mandy: It's fine. I can hear the neighbors fight. That's almost as good as TV.

George Jr.: Why is it so dark in there?
Mandy: No reason.
George Jr.: What's with the candles? Are you on a date?
Mandy: You think I'd dress like this on a date?
George Jr.: I think you look good.
Mandy: Well, I don't, and if I was on a date, it'd be none of your business.
George Jr.: Then why are you sitting in the dark?
Mandy: Okay. It's not a big deal. I was a little short on the power bill this month.
George Jr.: How come?
Mandy: Well, waiting tables and morning sickness, not a great combination. Definitely got reflected in my tips.

George Jr.: I'll go get the rest of your stuff.
Mandy: Thank you.
George Jr.: Question about your TV...
Mandy: I want it.
George Jr.: Gotcha.

Mary: Oh, Passion, not the stable. That's where the horses do their business.

Dr. John Sturgis: What about, uh, dinosaurs?
Sheldon: Herbivores, yes. Carnivores, no.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what about the herbivores who can squash you like a bug?
Sheldon: Good point. No dinosaurs.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, cloning is unethical?
Sheldon: Right.
Dr. John Sturgis: But what if we were to clone Albert Einstein?
Sheldon: That would be swell. At some point, I'm going to need a sidekick.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, cloning is ethical?
Sheldon: Right, because Albert Einstein, unlike the dinosaur, harmed no one.
Dr. John Sturgis: I think the victims of the atomic bomb, which his discoveries helped create, might disagree.

Dr. John Sturgis: Ethically, can science ever go too far? Just because we can do something, does that mean we should do something?
Sheldon: [raises hand] Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I haven't finished.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, go on.
Dr. John Sturgis: Ethically, should science have any limitations?
Sheldon: [raises hand] No.
Dr. John Sturgis: Interesting. What about human cloning?
Sheldon: More of me? Yes, please.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what about more of everyone else?
Sheldon: [looks around] No, thank you.

Meemaw: Now, here's the guest room. Make yourself at home.
Mandy: Thank you so much. It's only temporary, I promise.
Meemaw: Oh, no problem. Stay as long as you need. Bathroom's right down the hall.
Mandy: Oh, boy, a bathroom.

George Sr.: Sorry. I didn't get much sleep.
Dale: Oh, you and Mary fighting again?
George Sr.: Oh, no, we're getting along real good.
Dale: Okay.
George Sr.: I mean... real good.
Dale: Yeah. I-I said okay.

Henry: Put your hands down. I ain't gonna shoot you. I saw the padlock on her door.
George Jr.: Yeah, and all her stuff's in there. I came to get it for her.
Henry: I like that girl. She's a good one.
George Jr.: I agree.
Henry: Why don't you marry her?
George Jr.: I'm trying. She don't want to.
Henry: So, you think getting her toothbrush's gonna change that?
George Jr.: Couldn't hurt. So, what do you say, can I go?
Henry: Yeah.
George Jr.: Thank you, sir. [opens window] Good night, sir. Sorry to bother you, sir. [climbs out]
Henry: Nice kid. [chuckles] Glad I didn't kill him.

Missy: Did someone have a sleepover?
George Jr.: Mandy's gonna be staying with me for a little bit.
Missy: Mm-hmm.
Mandy: It's not like that.
Missy: Didn't say it was.

Mandy: Get out. Get out.
George Jr.: What?
Mandy: I'm using the sink.
George Jr.: Sweet.

Mandy: Did you have any problems getting into the apartment?
George Jr.: No. In the right window, out the right window. Easy peasy.

George Sr.: What you writing?
Mary: Oh. Uh, just making a list of chores that need to get done.
George Sr.: Well, that doesn't sound like fun.
Mary: Well... one of them is.
George Sr.: [groans] I'll get to the rain gutters. You just got to... [Mary kisses George] Mm. Mmm. What's happening?
Mary: Why don't you come to the bedroom and find out?
George Sr.: Weird day.

[fantasy:]
Mary: Sometimes I feel like, at my age, I should have everything all figured out. [scoffs] But I don't.
Dusty: Nobody has it all figured out.
Mary: You ever get scared?
Dusty: Oh, yeah. All the time. I mean, like right now, I... [chuckles] I'm scared you won't like me.
Mary: Oh, Dusty. You don't have to worry about that.
Dusty: You promise?
Mary: With God as my witness.
Dusty: Well, I hope he's not watching right now, 'cause I'm about to kiss you.

George Jr.: Don't shoot! I'm not a robber!
Henry: Turn around real slow.
George Jr.: How's this? 'Cause I can go slower.
Henry: You picked the wrong apartment, little man.
George Jr.: Ain't this 208?
Henry: It's 207.
George Jr.: I'm in the wrong apartment.
Henry: I just said that.
George Jr.: I can explain. My girlfriend... well, she's not really my girlfriend, but she's having my baby. She got evicted, and I came to get her stuff.
Henry: Are you talking about Mandy?
George Jr.: Yes.
Henry: You're the dumb bastard that knocked her up?
George Jr.: Yes, that's me! Not a robber, dumb bastard!

Missy: Can I change the channel?
George Sr.: Well, I'm watching this.
Missy: I miss when you had a real job and were gone more.

Mandy: So, you know how I said I had everything under control?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Mandy: Things have changed. I wasn't just short on the power bill. I was also short on the rent, and, uh, now I'm short on a place to live.
George Jr.: Oh, okay, well, you're welcome to stay here. Mi garage, su garage.

Mary: [v.o.] Haven't seen you here before.
[fantasy:]
Dusty: Well, I'm just passing through. Tonight, I'm here. Tomorrow, who knows.
Mary: Hmm. Guess we'll have to make the most of tonight, then.
Dusty: I guess so. What do you say... we get out of here?
Mary: What do you have in mind?
Dusty: I don't know. I was thinking maybe we take a walk. You can tell me more about your hopes and dreams. What's going on in here... and all the way down here.
Mary: You really want that?
Dusty: To know who you really are? There's nothing I want more.
[reality:]
Mary: [sighs heavily] Oh, my.

Mary: [v.o.] Chapter one. When Marie stepped into the bar, she knew she looked good. But not in a vulgar way, more for what she didn't show than what she did.
[fantasy:]
[George McCrae's "Rock Your Baby" playing]
Dusty: Well, hello.
Mary: Hi.
Dusty: Dusty.
Mary: That's not a name. That's a poorly kept house. [Dusty chuckles] What's your mother call you?
Dusty: Dustin.
Mary: I like that.
Dusty: And you are?
Mary: Marie.
Dusty: Marie. What are you drinking, Marie?
Mary: A dirty martini.
Dusty: Really? How dirty?
Mary: Very.
Dusty: Hmm.

Mandy: What are you doing here?
George Jr.: I was at the grocery store and I picked some things up for you.
Mandy: Thanks, but I can buy my own groceries.
George Jr.: I know, but you're eating for two. I thought I should help out.
Mandy: Three kinds of pickles?
George Jr.: Everybody knows pregnant ladies like those.
Mandy: Okay, I'm throwing up enough as it is.

Sheldon: So, what's the right answer?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's why we're here, to find that out.
Sheldon: Why don't you just tell us?
Dr. John Sturgis: Why don't you?
Sheldon: I asked you first.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're it, no backsies. [laughs]

Mary: Oh. Mom. Really? Passion's Harvest?
Meemaw: The main character's name is Passion. She's inherited her daddy's farm, and there's a stud in the stable.
Mary: Oh, that's terrible.
Meemaw: Read it, then tell me how terrible it is.
Mary: I'm not reading this trash.
Meemaw: So you're literally judging a book by its cover?
Mary: All right. Fine. I'll give it a look. How come you've dog-eared all these pages?
Meemaw: You'll see.

George Sr.: Hang on. Is this some kind of prank?
Sheldon: It's not a prank. I just need help with my homework.
Missy: Did a bully take it from you?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Is it real heavy? You need help lifting it?
Sheldon: No, I need your opinion on an ethical dilemma. "Should robots have the same rights as humans?"
Missy: That depends. What's "ethical" mean?
[Sheldon walks away]