Sheldon: Are there any discounts available?
Fran: Are you a member of any frequent-flier programs?
Sheldon: No, I've never flown before.
Fran: Well, ways to keep the cost down are: flying on weekdays, multiple layovers... Or, this probably doesn't apply, but airlines offer special fares if there's been a death in the family.
Sheldon: Interesting. May I use your phone?
[elsewhere:]
Meemaw: [answering phone] Hello?
[back:]
Sheldon: What else you got?

Sheldon: How do you recommend I "suck it up"?
Missy: I don't know, when you don't get your way, shut up and move on.
Sheldon: Is that what you do?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: And that's why you don't have a computer.

Georgie: [o.s.] It's actually a shampoo for ladies, but my hair just responds to it.

Captain: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're expecting a smooth flight to Los Angeles. Before we take off, please direct your attention to the flight attendants as they review some important safety procedures.
Sheldon: "Safety procedures"? Oh, baby.

Sheldon: I think we've been lied to about California. No one on this campus is tan at all.
George: No, they are not.

Sheldon: Imagine all the stimulating conversations that must go on at these tables.
George: I bet.
Sheldon: I can see myself going here one day.
George: I think you'd fit right in.

Mary: I know you don't want to talk, and that's fine. You can just listen. Life is hard enough if you make good decisions, but if you make bad ones, it gets even harder.
Georgie: Nothin' was gonna happen with Jana.
Mary: Georgie-
Georgie: No! You always assume the worst with me. I'm sorry you were a perfect kid and I'm just a screwup.
Mary: You are not a screwup. And I was not a perfect kid.
Georgie: Oh, what'd you do, sleep through church one mornin'?
Mary: For your information I used to skip class so that I could drink beer in my boyfriend's truck.
Georgie: Dad had a truck back then?
Mary: Not talkin' about your dad.
Mary: I also stole your meemaw's car and crashed it into a ditch.
Georgie: Really? With that boyfriend who wasn't Dad?
Mary: Missin' the point!

Adult Sheldon: In the early days of the Internet, you couldn't stream movies or summon Thai food to your doorstep. But if you were interested in text-based news about upcoming physics lectures, it was a great time to be alive.
Sheldon: Holy moly.

Sheldon: [knocking on bathroom door] Dad. Dad!
George: [o.s] I'm in the shower!
Sheldon: It's an emergency.
George: [o.s.] Fine! Come in.
Sheldon: [knocking on shower door] Dad?
George: I thought you had to use the bathroom.
Sheldon: At 7:23 in the morning? Why do I print out schedules if you're not going to read them?

George: Tell me what you want.
Sheldon: What are we doing next weekend?
George: This ain't sounding like an emergency.
Sheldon: It is. Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture, and I really need to go.
George: Can we talk about this when I'm out of the shower?
Sheldon: Pick up the pace. According to the schedule that you don't read, I'm due in there in six minutes.

George: There's no way we're going to California.
Sheldon: If Stephen Hawking can make it there in a wheelchair, I'm sure we can manage.
George: Sheldon, airplane tickets are expensive. Hotels are expensive. We can't afford it.
Sheldon: But his health is fragile. This might be my only chance to ever see him in person.
George: I'm sorry, buddy.
Sheldon: I would like to discuss this further, but I only have 22 seconds to be in the shower, and buttons slow me down.

Georgie: See ya.
Mary: Where you going?
Georgie: Out with Jana.
Mary: You've been spending a lot of time with her lately. Is she your girlfriend?
Georgie: Dad, can you make her stop?
George: Yeah, I could but I won't. Also, I can't.

Mary: I just want to know what's going on in your life. And if this girl is someone special to you, then she's special to me.
Georgie: Come on.
George: Mary, enough.
Mary: What? I want to know.
Georgie: Bye.
George: If it helps, I don't care.
Georgie: It does. Thank you.

Mary: Why doesn't he tell me anything?
George: When you were a teenager, did you tell your parents stuff?
Mary: Well, no.
George: Then why do you expect him to?
Mary: 'Cause I'm a cool, fun mom.
George: [snickers]

Sheldon: Mom and Dad won't take me to California to see Stephen Hawking.
Missy: You thought they would take you to California?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: They wouldn't even buy me this book at the book fair. I had to get it at the library. There's a booger on one of the pages.