Pastor Rob: So, you'll do it?
Mary: Okay.
Pastor Rob: I'll tell Pastor Jeff. I like watching his face get all red when I mention S-E-X. [Mary chuckles] Hey, yours does, too. [Mary chuckles]

Mr. Givens: As long as I've been teaching here, we have never beaten Pineview.
Pastor Rob: Oh, well, I can't take credit for that. Gotta give it to the big guy.
Mr. Givens: George?
Pastor Rob: Oh, I meant the big guy upstairs, but yeah, him, too.

Mary: Excuse me? Pastor Rob. [exhales] I'm sorry if I came off a little strong back there.
Pastor Rob: Oh. Hey, you're just trying to do what's best for the kids. I respect that.
Mary: Thank you. And I just want you to know that I am very well-connected with the parents, so if I can be of any help there, please let me know.
Pastor Rob: Yeah, you know, actually, I try not to get too close to the parents. I-I just think it's important for the kids to feel like I'm on their side.
Mary: Okay.
Pastor Rob: Ooh, maybe we could do a, uh, "good cop, bad cop" sort of thing.
Mary: [chuckles] Why am I the bad cop?
Pastor Rob: Oh, I don't have all the answers. Maybe you should ask God. Really looking forward to working with you.

Mary: I think First Corinthians 7:2 is actually a pretty good place to start. "Each man should have relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband."
Pastor Rob: Yeah, I'm just not sure quoting scripture is the most exciting way to engage.
Mary: I was going more for guilt and fear.
Pastor Rob: Well, those are classics for a reason. I just think that if we make the fruit too forbidden, someone might want to sneak a bite.
Mary: They look up to you. If you say that abstinence is the way to go, they'll listen.
Pastor Rob: Well, abstinence is important. But I also believe in honesty, and abstinence wasn't my journey.
Mary: Oh. Well, that's none of my business.
Pastor Rob: That's okay. I'm not saying I'm proud of everything I've done, but, you know, I was young, the mustache was just coming in...
Mary: You could stop right there.
Pastor Rob: Look, all I'm saying is, I was a little wild, but it's all part of what led me to the Lord.
Mary: That is good to hear.

Meemaw: I'll tell you what, we're in the gambling business, why don't we gamble for it?
Georgie: Okay.
Meemaw: Great. The number I'm thinking of in my head... is it odd or even?
Georgie: How dumb do you think I am?
Meemaw: In my defense, you used to be dumber.

Meemaw: How much did Dale pay you?
Georgie: Uh, minimum wage plus five percent commission.
Meemaw: I'll give you half of that.
Georgie: So, two and a half percent commission?
Meemaw: No, half of the minimum wage part.
Georgie: What about a percentage of these?
Meemaw: [laughs] Yeah, right.
Georgie: I'm serious. If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening.
Meemaw: I'm your grandmother. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be happening.

Sheldon: [knocks on door] Missy, I know you're upset. Would you like a hot beverage?
Missy: [o.s.] Go away.
Adult Sheldon: Every culture has their taboos. In the Ukraine, it's rude to whistle indoors, and they're correct. Not a fan. In our society, any discussion of human reproduction seems to be so upsetting, it causes nothing but chaos. Lost jobs. Lost friends. Sleepless nights. Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. I thought "fornicate" might work, but that seemed too judgy. Then I found the perfect word, a word so bland and clinical that it would be impossible to take offense to it.
Sheldon: "Coitus." That'll work.