Sheldon: Are they getting married?
Mary: We don't know, but probably.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: [scoffs] It would be better for them and better for the baby.
George Sr.: And better for you so your church friends don't get bent out of shape.
Mary: We'll talk about this later.
Sheldon: Ooh, a subcommittee just formed. Exciting.

George Sr.: Do I really need to be here for this?
Mary: Yes.
George Sr.: Double fudge.

Mary: Okay, yes, your... [George sighs] Your brother's gonna have a baby.
Sheldon: With whom?
Mary: Her name is Mandy.
Missy: Ooh, she's the one that's older than him.
Sheldon: How much older?
Mary: That's not important.
Missy: That means a lot.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Mary: Family meeting now.
George Sr.: I'll leave you to it.
Mary: George!
George Sr.: Fudge.

Sheldon: We want to know what's going on.
Missy: And we know it has something to do with a baby.
Sheldon: And we know it's not yours.
Missy: So whose is it?
Mary: This is a private matter, and it does not concern you. [Mary looks to George, who nods his approval]
Missy: It's Georgie.
Mary: You don't know that.
Missy: It all makes sense. You were talking with him in the garage the other night.
Sheldon: And word on the street is he's sexually active.
Missy: Ew. So, who's preggers?
Sheldon: Yes, who?

Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
Meemaw: Heads up. The twins were just here, and they were asking a bunch of questions.
Mary: You didn't tell them, did you?
Meemaw: No, but they know there's a baby in the mix. [chuckles] Actually, they thought you were having it.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: Yeah. Anyway, they're gonna be there any minute. Have fun. [hangs up] [Mary exhales]
George Sr.: [exhales] What now?
Sheldon: [door opens] [o.s.] We're home.
Missy: [o.s.] And we want answers.
Mary: That.

Meemaw: What's up?
Missy: Why won't Mom and Dad tell us what's going on?
Meemaw: Well, there might be several reasons for that, but right off the top of my head, I'd say none of your damn business.
Sheldon: Mom's having a baby, and that's none of our business?
Meemaw: [chuckles] Is that what you think's going on?
Missy: Isn't it?
Meemaw: No.
Sheldon: Then what's going on?
Meemaw: None of your damn business.

Mary: I know. Um... What about the parents of the young couple?
Pastor Jeff: Well, they certainly didn't raise these kids with the right values. I only get them one day a week. The rest of it's on Mom and Dad.
Mary: [chuckles] Right. Right. Um... Oh. But, um... what if the boy's parents did want to do the right thing? I don't see how it's their fault.
Pastor Jeff: Well, didn't the boy still have premarital sex which led to pregnancy?
Mary: [exhales] Yes.
Pastor Jeff: You have to ask, where were his parents?
Mary: Mm-hmm. These are all good questions.

Pastor Jeff: What's up?
Mary: I was hoping to get your take on something.
Pastor Jeff: Of course.
Mary: Um... This isn't really about me, but I recently met a young woman who got pregnant, um... out of wedlock.
Pastor Jeff: I see. Is the young man in the picture?
Mary: He is.
Pastor Jeff: Well, as long as they tie the knot before the bambino pops out, the big guy looks the other way.
Mary: Right, right. But the woman isn't so keen on... knots or tying them.
Pastor Jeff: Then I'm afraid she and that poor baby are in for a difficult time.

George Sr.: Where the hell's my travel mug?
Mary: I think Georgie took it, dear.
George Sr.: That son of a gun.
Mary: Missy, your father's gonna take you to school today.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy. I hope it's not too much trouble.
George Sr.: [smiles] No trouble at all, my little angel. [Mary smiles at Missy, too]
Sheldon: [to Missy] Why'd you say they're cranky? They're fine.

Missy: [groans] Mom and Dad are still really upset.
Sheldon: With good reason. She's awfully old to be having a baby.
Missy: Is it really dangerous?
Sheldon: Not with modern science, but back in pioneer times, we'd be burying her down by the crick.
Missy: I'm just saying they're cranky enough, so don't be a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm always on my best behavior. You're the hormonal firecracker around here.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: And thar she blows. Moby Dick. It's a book.

Missy: I have new information.
Sheldon: What is it?
Missy: I heard them talking about a baby.
Sheldon: Oh, my.
Missy: You know what that means.
Sheldon: Mom's pregnant.
Missy: Exactly.

George Jr.: I know it didn't go great the other night, but I meant what I said... I'll be there for you.
Mandy: Georgie, not now.
George Jr.: I'm serious. I'll go to baby classes with you. You need to learn that breathing stuff.
Mandy: Okay, one chicken fried steak and a cheeseburger.
George Jr.: Ain't you gonna refill their water?
Mandy: Go away!
George Jr.: Also, you'll be throwing up in the morning... I'm good with that. You may not know, but your feet are gonna swell up, and your boobs. I'll rub whatever you need rubbed.
Mandy: Good to know.
Cook: Table three, order up.
George Jr.: Want me to get that? You know, in your condition.
Mandy: Georgie, I got it.
George Jr.: Sorry, I'll quit bothering you.
Mandy: Great.
George Jr.: Just one more thing. I love you.
Mandy: What?
George Jr.: You ain't got to say it back.
Mandy: Yeah, I'm not gonna.
George Jr.: Don't forget their water!

Meemaw: Sorry about all the yelling.
Mandy: Are they always like that?
Meemaw: Not in front of company. So, it's kind of like you're already family.
Mandy: Lucky me.
Meemaw: Mm. Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell your folks?
Mandy: I was thinking about waiting until my mom tells me to lay off the pie.
Meemaw: Well, just remember, if you ever need anything, call me. I've already been through this with my daughter, so I know how to do it wrong.
Mandy: [laughs softly] Thanks. [hugs Meemaw and then walks away]
George Jr.: [through the window] You get a hug and I get nothing?!

George Jr.: Thanks for coming.
Mandy: Yeah, it was... great.
George Jr.: Okay, so, I'll talk to you?
Mandy: I guess. [Georgie leans in] What are you doing?
George Jr.: Giving you a kiss good night.
Mandy: I think you've given me enough.

Missy: Makes perfect sense, they're getting divorced.
Sheldon: If they do, I'm staying with Mom.
Missy: That's fine, I'll take Dad.
Sheldon: And if he does die, you'll get the house to yourself.
Billy Sparks: You can live with us.
Brenda Sparks: Nobody's dying, nobody's getting divorced.
Billy Sparks: Except you and Dad.
Brenda Sparks: Just eat your dinner.
Missy: I wonder if our dad met another woman.
Brenda Sparks: [awkward chuckle] Nobody met nobody. You eat your dinner, too.
Billy Sparks: My dad's with another woman. She's nice.
Brenda Sparks: Dinner!
Sheldon: Which would be perfect with little chunks of hot dog in it.
Billy Sparks: Her name is Martha Jean.
Brenda Sparks: Billy!
Billy Sparks: [whispers] She works at a tanning salon.

Mary: I just think that God wants children raised within the bonds of holy matrimony.
George Sr.: Mary, they already made one giant mistake, they don't have to make another.
Mandy: So, marrying me was a mistake?
George Sr.: I'm not talking about us, I'm talking about them.
Mary: I think we all know who you're talking about.
George Sr.: You really want to do this now? You're honestly happy with how your life turned out? You have no regrets?
Mary: That "giant mistake" gave us our children who I love very much.
Meemaw: [whispers] What about your husband?
Mary: Oh, I love him just fine!
George Sr.: Oh, nice, put that on a Hallmark card.
Mary: What do you want me to say?
George Sr.: I want you to admit that this marriage hasn't exactly been a bed of roses.
Mary: Wake up, no marriage is a bed of roses!
George Sr.: Well, then I guess we nailed it!
Mary: I guess we did! And that kid is gonna be Baptist!
Meemaw: So, Mandy, glad you came? [tops up her drink from a flask]

Mary: Maybe it would be better if you went to your parents with, um, good news first.
Mandy: And what would that be?
Mary: Well... everybody loves a wedding.
George Sr.: Would you stop with that?
Mary: It needs to be discussed.
Mandy: No, it doesn't. I'm having a baby, I don't need to marry another one.
George Jr.: I know I'm young now, but think about it... When you're a dried-up old lady, I'll be your hot trophy husband.
Meemaw: Maybe her dad should put you down.

Mary: Well, regardless of what goes on with your parents, we want you to know that we are here for you and the baby, who we will love and cherish.
Mandy: Thank you.
George Jr.: Me, too. In fact, if you want, I can go with you to tell your parents.
Mandy: Yeah, and then my father can shoot you. [Georgie laughs] I'm not kidding.

Mary: So, Mandy, my mother mentioned that your folks don't know about the baby.
Mandy: No, not yet.
Mary: Well, I'm sure they'll be excited when you tell them you're bringing new life into the world.
Mandy: [to Meemaw] Is that how you felt when she got pregnant?
Meemaw: About the baby? [scoffs] Yeah. The guy who did it? [blows raspberry]
George Sr.: Mutual.
Mary: They kid around like that.
George Sr.: Yeah, all good fun.
[George gives Meemaw an evil look]