Brenda Sparks: We're having spaghetti.
Sheldon: With hot dogs cut up in it?
Brenda Sparks: Ew, no.
Sheldon: I'd like to go home, please.
Missy: We can't.
Billy Sparks: How come?
Brenda Sparks: Yeah, how come?
Missy: We don't know.
Sheldon: The leading theory is my father's dying.
Brenda Sparks: I don't think that's it.
Missy: Well, something's wrong.
Billy Sparks: Maybe they're getting divorced like my mom and dad.
Brenda Sparks: Billy! We don't talk about that.
Billy Sparks: [smiles] Never mind.

Billy Sparks: You like meatloaf?
Missy: Yeah, is that what we're having?
Billy Sparks: No, just making dinner conversation.

Mary: So, you're Catholic?
Mandy: I'm not really anything.
Mary: But you'll be raising this child with some sort of religious upbringing.
Mandy: [chuckles] I haven't really thought about it.
Mary: Well, that's one of the things we can help with, starting with grace.
George Jr.: Mom...
Mary: We're starting with grace! [all hold hands] Heavenly Father...
Mandy: Why not heavenly mother?
George Jr.: [whispers] Don't, just don't.
Mary: Heavenly Father, bless this food and the hands that prepared it. And thank you for bringing Mandy into our family and watch over this child as he or she grows and becomes a God-fearin' Baptist, amen.
George Sr.: Amen.
Meemaw: Smooth.

George Sr.: I guess we don't even know your last name.
Mandy: McAllister.
George Sr.: Scottish, right?
Mandy: Right.
George Sr.: 'Cause if it was Irish, it'd be O'McAllister.

Meemaw: So, Mandy, your people from around here?
Mandy: Uh, Oklahoma originally.
Meemaw: Well, we won't hold it against you. [laughs]

Mary: I hope brisket's okay. Georgie wasn't too sure what kind of food you liked.
George Jr.: We didn't do a lot of eating when we were together.
[Mandy gives Georgie a dirty look]

George Sr.: So, Mandy, what do you do?
Mandy: Right now I'm just waiting tables.
George Sr.: Well, people need to eat.
Mandy: Mm-hmm.
George Sr.: Mm-hmm. You know what I enjoy? That T-G-I-F Friday. They got a whole menu page, just appetizers.

Mary: [sighs] Pastor Jeff is right next door. Maybe I should invite him to join us.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: So we can bring God into the conversation.
Meemaw: God let her get pregnant. I think He's done enough.

George Jr.: Hey, let's just keep in mind, I didn't do this by myself. It takes two to tango.
Meemaw: Do you even know what a tango is?
George Jr.: It's sex, ain't it?

George Sr.: [scoffs] I don't see why I got to wear a tie.
Mary: Because we want to make a good impression.
George Sr.: She already met this bozo, aren't we past that?

Mary: Thanks, Brenda, I really appreciate it. Oh, nothing major, just, um, some family stuff that we need to talk about and it'd be better if the kids weren't here. Great, I'll send 'em over at 6:00?
Okay. [hangs up]
Missy: Where are we going?
Mary: [gasps] Don't be sneaking up on me.
Missy: I wasn't sneaking. Where are we going?
Mary: Brenda invited you and your brother over to dinner with Billy tonight.
Missy: Why?
Mary: Because they're nice people!
Missy: Wow. Take a pill. [Mary groans]

Mandy: Ah, damn it.
Meemaw: I'm not here to fight with you, or pass judgment on you, I just want to talk about... where we're going with all this.
Mandy: There's nothing to talk about. All this is my business.
Meemaw: That's true. I just thought it might be nice if you got to meet Georgie's family.
Mandy: I haven't even told my own parents yet.
Meemaw: Just so you know, I went through this very thing with my own daughter, Georgie's mom. So, we get it.
Mandy: Really?
Meemaw: We just want to be helpful.
Mandy: Well, I'm not very happy with Georgie right now.
Meemaw: Nobody is. We get it.

George Sr.: What?
Missy: Nothing. ... I love you.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: In case it's not apparent, she was speaking for both of us.
George Sr.: Okay.

Mary: When do we get to sit down with her and talk this through?
George Jr.: Ah, yeah, here's the thing about that: she ain't real eager to meet y'all.
Mary: Why not?
Meemaw: Did you want to meet George's parents when he knocked you up?
Mary: I was not "knocked up," I was with child. And he's right there. [Georgie waves to Meemaw]

George Jr.: Okay, in my defense...
Meemaw: You have no defense. You're an idiot.
George Jr.: That was a big part of my defense.

George Sr.: Come on, I'm taking you both to school. Let's move it. [exits]
Missy: He looks terrible.
Sheldon: He has had heart problems, plus he's been having a rough time at work.
Missy: Not to mention he's pretty chunky.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. I wonder if RadioShack makes a defibrillator.

Sheldon: What do you think is going on?
Missy: I don't know, but I'm telling you, it's bad.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. Maybe they're planning a surprise party for us.
Missy: Our birthday isn't for months.
Sheldon: True. Maybe they needed some lead time. You can't expect Stephen Hawking to roll in at a moment's notice.

Meemaw: You were saying?
Mary: I was just thinking about when I was pregnant with Georgie, and... how hard that must've been for you. I'm sorry.
Meemaw: Georgie got that girl pregnant?!
Mary: Keep your voice down. And... yes.
Meemaw: Oh...

Sheldon: Mom, have you seen my Thursday socks? I looked in my drawer and I could only find Wednesday and Friday.
Mary: Thursday's are in the dryer.
Sheldon: Mm. [opens dryer] Oh. Here's the little rascals.

Meemaw: You look like crap.
Mary: Thanks.
Meemaw: You go out drinking last night?
Mary: Of course not.
Meemaw: 'Cause when I look that bad, I been out drinkin'.