George: So... how's it going with this whole no church thing?
Mary: It's a little weird, but I'm figuring it out.
George: Think you might go back?
Mary: I don't know yet.
George: Maybe find a different church?
Mary: I don't know, George.
George: I'm gonna get a beer. You, uh, care to join me like the good ol' days?
Mary: Just 'cause I'm not going to church doesn't mean I'm suddenly a drinker.
George: Okay. Well, then I guess me and my friends will say goodnight.

Missy: We need to talk.
Sheldon: About what?
Missy: You do their taxes. How bad off are we?
Sheldon: Based on their part-time income, we're going to run out of money by the end of the year.
Missy: Before or after Christmas?
Sheldon: Before.
Missy: Not what I wanted to hear. [sighs] Anything we can do to help?
Sheldon: Perhaps we could sell our stuff.
Missy: But I like my stuff.
Sheldon: I like my stuff, too. Let's keep thinking.

George: Hi.
Brenda Sparks: What are we doing?
George: What are you doing? What, you hired Mary to work at the bowling alley.
Brenda Sparks: She needed a job. I was being nice.
George: Well, you don't think it's a little weird?
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] This right here... It's all weird. [George scoffs] Are you drunk?
George: Not nearly enough.

Mary: Hey, Brenda, I was trying to do the books for the quarter, and I was having a little trouble making sense of it.
Brenda Sparks: You know, Mary, if... if it's too big of a mess, and you'd rather work somewhere else, I'd understand.
Mary: No, I'll figure it out.
Brenda Sparks: Great. So happy you're here. [Mary chuckles]

Mary: Hey, there.
Pastor Rob: Oh. [chuckles] Hi, Mary. [laughs] Finally found an eight-pounder that's not pink.

Shannon: You find a kiddie ball yet?
Pastor Rob: It's not about the weight, just... I have small fingers.

Shannon: Shannon Dixon. You used to babysit me.
Mary: Is that so?
Shannon: She was so great. She would let me stay up late and watch TV while she would make out with her boyfriend.
Mary: [laughs] I don't... remember any of that.
Shannon: Oh, I'm not surprised. You used to hit my dad's liquor cabinet pretty hard.
Shannon: Well, Mary Cooper.
Mary: I was...young and hadn't found the Lord. You two have a great time.

Missy: I saw your "help wanted" sign. I'd like to help, please.
Nigel: How old are you?
Missy: How old do I need to be?
Nigel: 14.
Missy: [scoffs] Do I not look 14?
Nigel: I don't care.
Missy: Perfect. So, when do I start?

Brenda Sparks: Seems like running into Pastor Rob kind of... kind of rattled you a little bit.
Mary: [chuckles] Oh, well... I was asked to leave the church, and he's still there, so... it's still a little fresh.
Brenda Sparks: Mm. Yeah, I get that. Seems like a nice guy, though.
Mary: Oh, yeah, he's great.
Brenda Sparks: Cute as a button.
Mary: I guess. I prefer a bigger man.
Brenda Sparks: Like George?
Mary: Oh, yeah. Bigger the better.

Mary: And you know that Shannon girl...
Brenda Sparks: With Pastor Rob?
Mary: She was a bedwetter. [laughs] Ten years old. That's not normal.
Brenda Sparks: Maybe he'll get a fun little surprise on their honeymoon.

Sheldon: Well, all we need is a mainframe computer.
Georgie: How much is that?
Sheldon: New, about half a million dollars, but I'm hoping to find something slightly used.
[Georgie kicks Sheldon out of the garage]
Sheldon: Time will prove me right.

Dr. Linkletter: Can I ask you a personal question?
Meemaw: Oh, I wish you wouldn't.
Dr. Linkletter: How would you like to make love to a man who shook the hand of Albert Einstein?
Meemaw: And... you did.
Dr. Linkletter: This one right here. I didn't wash it for a week.
Meemaw: Not a selling point.
Dr. Linkletter: Excuse me for a moment. I have to toss my cookies.