Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone with a restaurant] Yes, two people at 8:00.
Sheldon: 8:00's a little late for Meemaw.
Dr. Linkletter: What time does she like to eat?
Sheldon: Well, she's old like you, so 6:30 at the latest.
Dr. Linkletter: Can we make that 6:30? Wonderful. Hold on. Does she like French food? [Sheldon gives a thumbs down] I'll call you back.
Sheldon: Anyway, Commander Data...
Dr. Linkletter: Let me ask you a question, if this Commander Data were taking your meemaw out for dinner, where would they go?
Sheldon: Almost certainly the holodeck.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds trendy. Is that in Houston?

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I need to talk to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Are we in my office?
Sheldon: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Then these are not my office hours.
Sheldon: Are you using my love of schedules against me?
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Oh, yes.
Sheldon: Well done.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I need to talk to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Great.
Sheldon: Do you think you could get me access to the telescope room? I want to search for exoplanets that could support life.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you feeling homesick?
Sheldon: Are you implying that I'm from another planet?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Sheldon: Compliment accepted.

Sheldon: Now, about the telescope room, I was watching Star Trek and it got me thinking...
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, searching for life on other planets isn't serious science. Leave that to the tinfoil hat brigade.
Sheldon: But statistically, given the number of stars and planets, it's likely we could find one capable of supporting life. And if we did, it would be the greatest scientific discovery of all time.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, and if I had fruit on my head, I'd be Carmen Miranda.
Sheldon: I'm not familiar with that reference.
Dr. Linkletter: She sang and danced with fruit on her head.
Sheldon: Why would she have fruit on her head?
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know, in case she got hungry. It's not gonna happen, Sheldon!

Meemaw: [on the phone] But I want to be clear, this is just one of those... Whatcha call it... Uh, platonic things. We're just having dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup.
Meemaw: I think I'll just stick with a restaurant.
Dr. Linkletter: Fair enough, but one day, you'll try my mushroom barley, and your taste buds will swoon.
Meemaw: Good night, Grant. [starts to put down phone]
Dr. Linkletter: The secret is how long I cook the onions.

George: What are you doing here?
Meemaw: I ran out of beer at home, didn't feel like driving to the store.
George: Oh, so you just waltz in and help yourself?
Meemaw: 'Bout sums it up. [hands George a beer]
George: I'm changing the locks.
Meemaw: [laughs] Cheers.

Missy: We could let people punch you for a buck.
Sheldon: No, all our profit would just go to medical expenses.