Sheldon: The toilet was sanitized for my protection. I love this place.

George: Mary? Relax. I can take care of my son.
Mary: I know.
George: Good.
Mary: I'm just saying, if he's upset or nervous, he can get all clogged up.
George: I won't let that happen.

Missy: My head is so hot!
Meemaw: She is such a hoot.

Mary: Now, come on, let's tuck you in.
Missy: I'm glad I don't have orange hair.
Mary: Me, too, baby.
Missy: I want to be more like Madonna.
Mary: Are you trying to kill me? 'Cause if you are, good job.
Missy: Why is she only like a virgin?
Mary: Good night!

George: Hey, pal. Playing with your rockets?
Sheldon: I'm trying to calculate ballistic coefficients.
George: Well, that's fun, too.

George: Listen, I don't have to work this weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to do something together.
Sheldon: Like what?
George: Whatever you want.
Sheldon: Well, the filter on my air purifier needs to be changed. How about a trip to Sears?

Missy: How come I don't get to go?
Mary: 'Cause you, me and Meemaw are gonna have our own fun.
Missy: Could we shoot guns at the gun range?
Mary: Mm, you're too young to go to the gun range.
Missy: Meemaw took me.
Meemaw: We pinky swore. What are you doing?
Missy: Oh, yeah. Don't listen to me. I don't know what I'm saying.

Georgie: Shotgun!
Mary: No, no. Let your brother sit up front for a change.
Sheldon: I actually prefer sitting in the back. It's safer.

Mary: Oh, come on, sit up front with your daddy. He doesn't get to spend enough time with you.
Georgie: I called shotgun.
Mary: George.
George: We'll flip a coin. All right? Georgie, call it.
Georgie: Heads.
George: Tails.
Georgie: Dang it.
George: Sheldon, you won. You get to ride up front.
Sheldon: Can't we do two out of three?
George: You won. Get in the car.
Georgie: What's the point in calling shotgun?

Sheldon: Did you always want to be a football coach?
George: Well, I always wanted to play. At least till I got hurt.
Sheldon: Mm. Were you a good player?
George: Eh, not really. I was just bigger than the other kids.
Sheldon: So you compensated for mediocrity by being large.
George: I guess.
Sheldon: That works for cattle as well.
George: Oh, well, thanks for pointing that out.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

Mary: I don't like you making me out to be the bad guy just 'cause I won't let my daughter do whatever she wants.
Meemaw: I gave you a lot of freedom, you turned out okay.
Mary: You didn't give me freedom. You were never around.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Mary: I guarantee I made supper for Charlene and Edward more times than you ever did. I basically raised 'em.
Meemaw: You think I was out dancing? I was out working two jobs so your daddy could lose all our money on that damn chain of Fotomats!
Mary: It wasn't Daddy's fault that those little things blew over every time there was a storm.

Missy: Seriously, I'm melting.

Georgie: Dead armadillo. That's three for me.

Sheldon: Fine, the cat's name is Mittens.
Georgie: Because he has little white feet?
Sheldon: Sure.
George: So, in this thought experiment, do you think Mittens is dead or alive?
Sheldon: There's no way of saying until you open the box.
Georgie: Oh, come on.
Sheldon: Optimistically, I would choose to believe he's alive.
Georgie: Yes!
George: Oh, thank goodness.

Georgie: Dad, can we go to Reptile World?
George: No.
Georgie: They a got snake so big it can eat a whole chicken.
George: Oh, well, in that case, no.