Adult Sheldon: Over the next several days, my social experiment was providing clear-cut data about the benefits of being well-liked.
Matt: Hey, Sheldon. Heard you like these.
Sheldon: Thank you. It's the best watery chocolate milk on the market.
Matt: Thank you for letting me use your room.
Adult Sheldon: I suppose it was like the old saying, "I scratch your back, you scratch mine," which I actually have issues with. Why is your back itchy? A rash? Chicken pox? Scabies? Scratch your own back.

Adult Sheldon: I didn't realize until years later that my father was only asking questions about lightning and thunder to cheer me up. In fact, he would often pretend to be dumb just to make me feel better.

Adult Sheldon: My father didn't always get the credit he deserved. The advice he gave me actually worked out pretty well. Of course, I never told him.
George: Talked to Billy.
Missy: Why would you do that?
George: No, it was good.
Missy: Stay out of my life.
Adult Sheldon: He may not have been the world's greatest dad. But maybe we weren't the world's greatest kids.

Pastor Jeff: Before our final prayer, would anyone else like to say a few words?
Mary: Missy? [Missy shakes her head] Shelly?
[Sheldon stands up and walks up to the microphone]
Sheldon: I've been thinking a lot about the last moments I had with my dad. It was morning, and he was leaving for work. He said, "See y'all later." And I said nothing. I regret that. I could have said "bye" or asked him for a ride. Or told him that I loved him. But I didn't. I barely noticed he left. So many times that I didn't notice my father. I hope he knew how much I loved him.
Adult Sheldon: I wish I could tell you I said all those things. But I didn't.
Mary: Shelly? [Sheldon shakes his head] [Mary shakes her head to Pastor Jeff]
Pastor Jeff: Let's bow our heads in prayer.
All: Our Father, who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name...
Adult Sheldon: For a long time, I focused on my father's shortcomings. Now that I'm his age and have kids of my own, I realize he was just a person doing the best he could, and he did a lot. I didn't say it at his funeral, but I can say it now. I loved my father. I will miss him forever.

Sam: This is so unfair. You get so much more than every other student.
Sheldon: Fair isn't everyone getting the same thing. Fair is everyone getting what they deserve.
Sam: Sheldon, that arrogant attitude is why no one sits with you in class or lunch or ever.
Sheldon: Well, I like to think that they're maintaining a respectful distance out of deference to my intellect.
Sam: No. That's not what they're doing. They're avoiding you because you're an entitled brat who thinks that you're better than everybody else.
Sheldon: So, I should just pretend I'm less intelligent than I am?
Sam: You should realize that there are more important things in life than how smart you are.
Sheldon: Well, I'm also cute as a button, but it seems shallow to say it. [an exasperated Sam walks away] You could say it.

President Hagemeyer: Here we are.
Sheldon: [chuckles] What is this?
President Hagemeyer: A dorm room, and it's all yours. You can study, take naps, do whatever you want.
Sheldon: No one's living here?
President Hagemeyer: Well, we had an Indian exchange student, but he developed a taste for barbecue, so his parents made him go home.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for this.
President Hagemeyer: You're welcome.
Sheldon: It's like I always say, never underestimate the power of complaining.
Adult Sheldon: I've been testing that theory for decades, still works like gangbusters.

Missy: Can we watch 90210?
George: What's that?
Missy: It's about kids who go to school in Beverly Hills.
George: [groans] If you want to see a show about Beverly Hills, we should watch Beverly Hillbillies. [chuckles] That's a show.
Missy: What's it about?
George: Eh... Imagine your meemaw moving to California.
Missy: I'd watch that.