Sheldon: Hey, did everybody see there's a sale at RadioShack on nine-volt batteries? It's a golden opportunity to stock up.

Meemaw: The best thing is for you to just forget about this Veronica girl.
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: You should be playing the field, just like a bumblebee going from flower to flower.
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: And don't get confused about all this love nonsense. Your freedom is the only thing that matters.
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: Be a sweet boy and get Meemaw a towel.
Georgie: Uh-huh.

Mary: You're coming with us, right?
Meemaw: No, I'm not.
Mary: Come on, it'll be fun.
George: The old lady wants to be cranky and alone. You got to respect that.
Meemaw: I'm not cranky. And I'm sick of everybody thinking that they know what's best for me.

Mary: Hey, do you want to help me paint these posters?
Sheldon: Not at all. [exits]
Mary: Oh, yeah, people would line up for that dunk tank.

Meemaw: [answering phone] Yeah.
Mary: Hey. We're getting ready to head over to the carnival.
Meemaw: Good for you.
Mary: Why don't you come with us?
Meemaw: Because I'm quite content right where I am.
Mary: Don't you think it'll be nice to get out of the house?
Meemaw: I can't believe I didn't think of that. What a great idea. Thank you.
Mary: So you're coming?
Meemaw: No. [hangs up]
Mary: Still cranky.

Peg: I bet you're disappointed that cute little blonde girl got sick and you're working with me.
Georgie: I guess.
Peg:You're gonna learn life's like that. A parade of disappointments.
Georgie: Is that so?
Peg: Yep. Sooner you give up, the better. When did you give up?
Peg: June 14, 1945. The man I loved came home from the war with syphilis. Now ask me how I found out.
Georgie: No, thank you.

Missy: Can I throw one?
George: Sure. Okay, now, remember what I taught you. Look where you're throwing and follow through.
Pastor Jeff: Uh-oh! Dad's bringing in the big guns. Let's see what you've got, little...
Mary: Yes! Yes!
Pastor Jeff: I am baptized once again.

Peg: So I shacked up with him anyway.
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Peg: I mean, what choice did I have? I was pregnant with I don't know whose baby.
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Peg: Sleeping on my cousin Arlene's couch. Which was in her front yard.
Georgie: Uh-huh.

Meemaw: But listen, if you've just come over here to badger me, please don't.
Mary: Fine. I brought you fried chicken from the carnival.
Meemaw: I don't need your pity chicken.
Mary: Look, I know you're having a tough time.
Meemaw: I'm fine.
Mary: Okay. Does that mean you'll still take Sheldon to Dr. Sturgis's class?
Meemaw: No. But I'm fine.
Mary: So you won't mind if I take him?
Meemaw: Do whatever you want.
Mary: See, when you say it like that, it sounds like you might mind.
Meemaw: How about this? Darling daughter, please, do whatever it is that makes you happy.
Mary: If you're gonna act like this, then I'm gonna leave.
Meemaw: Oh, no. And after I didn't open the door for you? Hey, wait. Get me a beer.
Mary: No.
Meemaw: Well, at least get me some chicken!

Missy: Dad, can I talk to you?
George: Uh, can it wait a minute?
Missy: It's pretty important.
George: So's this.

Missy: I've been thinking about how much I enjoyed throwing that ball today.
George: You did great, honey.
Missy: I know. That's why I want to play on a team.
George: You get that dunk tank isn't a sport?
Missy: I mean baseball.
George: Okay, sure. They don't have any baseball teams for girls. Wait a few years, you can play softball.
Missy: I don't want to wait. I want to play baseball.
George: But you'd be the only girl.
Missy: I don't care.
George: Okay, well I-I guess I can look into it.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy.
George: Sure you don't want to play soccer or something?
Missy: Nope!
George: Cheerleading?
Missy: Baseball!
George: Yeah.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, hello, Sheldon. Hello, Mary. I don't think I've ever seen you here before.
Mary: It's my first time.
Sheldon: I took her on a tour.
Mary: It was extremely thorough.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, uh, how's Connie?
Sheldon: Actually...
Mary: Sheldon, why don't you go save me a seat?
Sheldon: Smart. The front row is a hot ticket.
Mary: Anyway, uh, Mom's good.
Dr. John Sturgis: Because she's usually the one who brings Sheldon.
Mary: Well, she's been pretty busy lately.

Meemaw: Relationships are a waste of time. Flying solo is the only way to go.
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: Do you think Tarzan was happy with Jane? No way. He was happy swinging through the trees.
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: The Statue of Liberty she's got her book and her torch, and she's good.
Georgie: Uh-huh.

Meemaw: I need coffee.
Mary: You need a shower.