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306 - A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm

Aired Thursday, November 7, 2019
A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm

Missy's success dunking Pastor Jeff at a church carnival leads her to try out for the baseball team. Meanwhile, Meemaw is still reeling from her breakup with Dr. Sturgis.

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Episode Notes

  • Title Reference: "A Parasol" refers to the umbrella Sheldon took to the carnival to protect himself from the sun, and "a Hell of an Arm" refers to George's comment about Missy to Coach Ballard.
  • Opening Credits Sequence: Sheldon is dressed in his normal clothing as a cow approaches the family.


Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm glad she's doing well. Tell her I say hi.
Mary: I will do that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, no. Uh, tell her I said hello. "Hi" is a bit, uh, casual. Or wait. Greetings. Just say, uh, "Greetings from John."
Mary: You don't sound sure about that.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I don't.

Quote from Pastor Jeff

Mary: You wanted to see me, Pastor?
Pastor Jeff: Cop a squat. Uh, please, have a seat. I just wanted to thank you for all the work you've done preparing for the carnival.
Mary: Anything for the church.
Pastor Jeff: I'm so glad you said that. How would you feel if... we put Sheldon in the dunk tank?
Mary: What? No.
Peg: Aw.
Pastor Jeff: But imagine how much people would pay to dunk him. We'd raise so much money.
Peg: I'm in for $20, easy.
Mary: I'm not having people throw baseballs at my son.
Pastor Jeff: They throw them at a target. He's in a cage.
Mary: No!
Peg: Boo.
Pastor Jeff: Okay. I respect your decision.
Mary: Is that all?
Pastor Jeff: Yes.
Peg: Well, damn.
Pastor Jeff: [to the heavens] I do so much for you.

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: Does he really have to walk around with that?
Mary: He's fine. Leave him be.
Missy: You're just begging to get beat up.
Sheldon: I'm more concerned about the biggest bully of all: the Sun.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: By the way, don't send Georgie to the store anymore to get you beer.
Meemaw: He snitched on me? Well, he tried to steal one.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I can't find an umbrella.
Mary: What do you need an umbrella for? It's gonna be hot and sunny.
Sheldon: I think you've answered your own question.

View more quotes from this episode

Episode Trivia

  • What kind of batteries did Sheldon say were on sale at RadioShack?
    • 9V
    • AAA
    • AA
    • D

Episode Recap

After Pastor Jeff asks Mary to come see him, he thanks her for all the work she’s done preparing for the carnival. When Mary insists she would do anything for the church, Pastor Jeff is glad to hear it. He wants to know how she would feel about putting Sheldon in the dunk tank, figuring people would pay a lot of money to dunk him. Peg is already in for $20. When Mary says she will not have people throwing baseballs at her baby, Pastor Jeff points out they wouldn’t throw balls at Sheldon, they would throw them at a target. Sheldon would be in a cage. After Mary insists the answer is no, Pastor Jeff looks to the heavens and mentions how much he does for the Lord.

At dinner, Mary asks if everyone’s excited for the carnival. When Georgie wonders what time he should be there to set up, George is surprised his son is helping out. Georgie says it’s to support Mom and God, but Missy figures he’s just doing it because Veronica is going to be there. When Meemaw says she will not be going with them, Mary argues it will be fun. George says if Meemaw wants to be cranky and alone, Mary should respect that. Meemaw insists she isn’t cranky, but she is sick of everyone thinking they know what’s best for her so she storms out.

Later that night, Sheldon goes out to the garage to see his mother, who’s painting posters for the carnival. When Sheldon says that Missy mentioned Meemaw is upset at Dr. Sturgis, Mary tells him she’ll get over it. Sheldon is concerned she won’t get over it by Friday at 4pm when she usually takes him to Dr. Sturgis’s class. Mary says she’ll take Sheldon to the class until Meemaw’s up to it. When Mary asks Sheldon if he wants to help her paint the posters, he says not at all. Mary can see how people would line up for the opportunity to dunk him.

As Meemaw watches a game show on TV, Mary phones to say they’re getting ready to head over to the carnival. Mary asks if she wants to join them, but Meemaw says she’s quite content where she is. After Meemaw hangs up, Mary realizes her mother is still cranky. When Sheldon comes to tell his mother he can’t find an umbrella, Mary wonders why he needs an umbrella as it’s going to be hot and sunny. Sheldon thinks she’s answered her own question.

At the carnival, George wonders why Sheldon has to walk around with a parasol. Missy says he’s just begging to get beat up, but Sheldon points out he is just worried about the biggest bully of all: the sun. Meanwhile, over at the refreshments stand, Peg figures Georgie is probably disappointed that the blonde girl got sick and he’s stuck working with her instead. Peg tells him life’s nothing but a parade of disappointments, so he best get used to it.

At the dunk tank, Pastor Jeff is hurling biblically-inspired trash talk at people unable to hit the target as the Cooper family arrive. As Sheldon explains why he’s holding an umbrella, Pastor Jeff begs Mary for another chance to put Sheldon in the tank. Mary says no and asks George to dunk him. George takes two shots but misses on both, so Missy asks if she can throw one. Missy hits the target on the first shot and launches Pastor Jeff into the tank.

Back at the refreshment stand, Georgie is showing little interest at Peg’s depressing life story, merely saying “Uh-huh” at the appropriate points. Meanwhile, Missy has hit the target six times in a row, repeatedly dunking Pastor Jeff. The crowd that has gathered starts chanting “Missy! Missy!” as she makes her seventh strike.

Meemaw is still on her couch as Mary stops by after the carnival. Meemaw says she hasn’t been on the couch all day, as she went across the street and broke into their house to steal their beer. Meemaw tells Mary not to bother if she’s just come there to badger her. After Meemaw insists she’s fine, Mary asks if she will still take Sheldon to Dr. Sturgis’s class. Meemaw says no, but she’s fine. When Mary asks Meemaw if she would mind her taking Sheldon instead, Meemaw tells her to do whatever she wants.

When Missy knocks on the bathroom door to ask her dad if they can talk, George wonders if it can wait a minute. Missy says it’s pretty important. When George emerges from the bathroom, Missy explains she’s been thinking about how much she enjoyed throwing that ball today and would like to play on a team. George says there aren’t any baseball teams for girls, but in a few years she could play softball. Missy is adamant she wants to play baseball and doesn’t care if she’s the only girl, so George agrees to look into it.

At work, George makes a phone call to ask if it’s too late to sign someone up for youth league. After George agrees to meet the guy, Coach Wilkins asks if Missy wants to play ball. George asks how he knew he wasn’t calling for Sheldon, before conceding it was of course Missy. Elsewhere, Sheldon shows his mother around the college, pointing out his favorite fire exit, as she takes him to Dr. Sturgis’s class.

After Georgie arrives at Meemaw’s house with a brown grocery bag, he tells her he’s got her beer. Meemaw wonders if they gave him any problems, but Georgie says no. Meemaw lets Georgie keep the change, but she does ask for the missing bottle from the six pack.

At the college, after Dr. Sturgis says hello to Sheldon and Mary, he asks how Connie is. As Sheldon starts to answer, Mary encourages him to go save her a seat. Mary tells John that Connie’s good. John points out Connie is usually the one who brings Sheldon, but Mary claims she’s been quite busy lately. Back at Meemaw’s, she’s lecturing a bored Georgie on how relationships are a waste of time. Once again all he can say is “Uh-huh.”

In the Coopers’ kitchen, a disheveled Meemaw says she needs coffee. Mary thinks she needs a shower. George calls Missy to say they have to leave in five minutes. Out in the garage, as Missy collects her glove, Sheldon asks if she’s going for her baseball tryout. Sheldon was wondering whether it will include a written test, so he gives Missy some baseball facts that may come in handy.

Back in the kitchen, Mary tells Meemaw it’s okay to be upset about Dr. Sturgis, but Meemaw insists she doesn’t care. After Mary mentions that she saw John last night, Meemaw says she hopes he’s great and then asks whether he was. Mary says he seemed okay, but Meemaw continues to pretend not to care.

When George and Missy walk over to Coach Dale Ballard at the baseball field, Dale is surprised that he brought a girl to try out. George asks if he wants to see her try out, but Dale says he wants to see her go home as he’s not going to put a girl on the team. Dale argues the boys would eat her alive, but Missy insists she’s not afraid of them. George wants Dale to at least let Missy throw a few as she’s got a hell of an arm. Dale asks George whether he would put a girl on his team. George says that’s different as football is a contact sport, but Dale argues baseball is too. Dale says if Missy gets up to bat, the boys might decide to deliberately throw a ball at her, which is gonna make contact. Dale refuses to even give her a chance.

When Georgie goes over to Veronica’s grandmother’s house with a “Get Well Soon” balloon for her, Dorothy says Veronica’s at the doctor, but he’s welcome to wait for her. Inside, George is once again bored as the grandmother shows him her old photo albums. Uh-huh.

When Missy and George return home, Mary wonders what happened as an angry Missy heads straight to her bedroom. George explains that Missy didn’t even get to try out as the coach doesn’t want a girl on his team. When Meemaw asks George if he was okay with this, he says he tried to change the coach's mind. Meemaw gets up, telling Mary she’s going to go be mad at someone else.

As Missy cries on her bed, Sheldon asks if she’s all right. Missy tells him to leave her alone. When Meemaw comes to ask Missy if she wants to be on that baseball team, Missy says yes but the coach said… Meemaw says she doesn’t care what the coach said, telling Missy to grab her glove so they can go. As Missy heads out, Sheldon tells her to do good baseball.

Back at the field, Meemaw and Missy walk up to Coach Ballard by his pick-up truck. Dale insists he was just looking out for Missy, but Meemaw tells him they don’t need him deciding what’s best for her. Meemaw says she wants him to give Missy the same chance he’d give a boy, or they’re gonna have problems. Dale relents and gives Missy a ball to show him what he’s got. When Missy throws the ball, Dale realizes she’s not bad.

When Meemaw and Missy return home, they tell Mary and George that Missy made the team and Meemaw got a date with the coach. Elsewhere, Georgie is still stuck looking at Dorothy’s photo album as he waits for Veronica to return. In the meantime, Dorothy gets out her antique bell collection.

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