June: So, why are you taking me instead of Dale?
Meemaw: Well, last time he and I went casino hopping, it didn't work out too hot.
June: 'Cause he proposed and you said no?
Meemaw: Why would he tell you that?!
June: Hey, don't feel bad. I'm the dummy that said yes to him.
Meemaw: Well, I guess you got a point there.

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, why are you at my desk?
Sheldon: I like your keyboard. The ones at the library are too clacky.
Dr. Linkletter: I thought you were going to join a club.
Sheldon: I tried, but they each had their own problems.
Dr. Linkletter: By chance, were any of those problems you?
Sheldon: You're so funny. I missed this.

Mary: I thought you were gonna join a club.
Sheldon: Too bad there isn't a Dr. Linkletter Haters Club. I would join that in a heartbeat. Maybe I should start one.
Mary: Starting your own club is an interesting idea. Maybe just not one based on, you know, hating someone.
Sheldon: You started that group at church for parents who hate The Simpsons.
Mary: It's not about hate. We just write letters to get it taken off the air. [chuckles] And it's gonna happen any day now.
Adult Sheldon: Ironically, the only Simpson she did like was O.J. Time's funny that way.

June: Whoever decided to put video poker in the bar is a genius.
Meemaw: If they change the seats out to toilets, we'd never have to leave. [both laugh]

Meemaw: So, what else has Dale told you about our relationship?
June: You still hung up on that?
Meemaw: Apparently.
June: You know, I don't think he meant to. We were having a drink, and it just kind of slipped out.
Meemaw: Y'all still go out drinking together?
June: It was our grandson's elementary school graduation, so yeah.
Meemaw: I didn't know y'all were that close.
June: Are you jealous?
Meemaw: No.
June: Sounds like it.
Meemaw: Well... You ever sleep with him after the divorce?
June: Gross! No. That cranky bag of wrinkles is all yours.
Meemaw: That's a comfort. [laughs] I guess.

Adult Sheldon: The next day, I set out to start my own club. It involved science, education and all the glitz and glamour of show business. All I had to do was sit back and wait for my new Proton posse to come rolling in.
Sheldon: Greetings, fellow Professor Proton fan.
Guy: Oh, I thought this room was empty.
Sheldon: Well, it's not. This is a meeting of the Professor Proton Appreciation Club. Would you like to fill out an application?
Guy: I'm just looking for someplace quiet.
Sheldon: I understand. Well, it doesn't look like anyone's gonna show up, so if you would like to read here, you're welcome to.
Guy: Okay. [sits down]
Sheldon: I was only starting this club because my mother wanted me to make some friends. Not just her. It started with my physics professor, Dr. Linkletter, who I thought was my friend but then decided...
Guy: Are you gonna keep talking?
Sheldon: I-I've got a book.
Adult Sheldon: That day, the Read in Silence Club was born. Its members were me and my new friend...
Sheldon: What's your name?
Guy: Shh.
Adult Sheldon: And my new friend, that guy.

Missy: Wil Wheaton's cute.
Sheldon: If you like him, then you should watch Star Trek with me.
Missy: He's not that cute.

Mary: Shelly, I was looking at your college catalog. There are a lot of fun clubs. Might be a nice way to make some new friends.
Sheldon: I don't need friends. I have Dr. Linkletter.
Mary: And he's fun, but... did you know that there's a Science Fiction Club? You like science fiction.
Sheldon: I prefer science fact.
Mary: Then maybe you might enjoy the Astronomy Club. Outer space and such.
Missy: Ooh. You can meet other people from your planet.
Mary: Read your magazine.
Sheldon: Why are you so interested in me joining a club?
Mary: I just want to make sure that you get the full college experience.
Sheldon: I suppose my so-called peers could benefit from my presence.
Mary: And you might benefit, too.
Sheldon: A nice thought, but I don't spread my sunshine for selfish reasons. Give me the catalog.
Missy: You tried, and that's what counts.

Sheldon: [knocks three times] Dr. Linkletter?
Man: No.
Sheldon: Sorry. You and he have the same loafers. Carry on.

Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: I've been looking for you.
Dr. Linkletter: I was just trying to have a little privacy.
Sheldon: Smart. No one will bother us out here. [climbs into car] What is that? Ham?

Georgie: [dials phone] Hello. You paged me?
Mildred: Bruce?
Georgie: Sorry, you have the wrong number.
Mildred: Oh. I was trying to reach my grandson.
Georgie: Well, when you do, can you have him tell people this ain't his pager no more?
Mildred: I was hoping he could give me a ride to the drugstore. I need to pick up my prescription.
Georgie: All right, well, good luck.
Mildred: I took my last heart pill this morning.
Georgie: Sorry to hear that.
Mildred: I suppose I could walk, if I take it slow.

Mildred: You are just the little lifesaver.
Georgie: No problem, ma'am.
Mildred: You know, we are gonna drive right by that farmers market. You ever had their peaches?
Georgie: Don't think so.
Mildred: Well, then we have to stop. I'm gonna buy you a peach.
Georgie: You really don't have to.
Mildred: I insist. And then we'll swing by Braum's so I can pick up some whipped cream. That goes great with peaches.
Georgie: Okay.

Meemaw: You still dating that young guy?
June: Justin? Oh, yeah. It wasn't just to bug Dale. He's hot. And he doesn't eat dinner at 5:00.
Meemaw: Dale and I once ate dinner at 3:30. I still think it was lunch. [June laughs]

Missy: Aren't you gonna call them back?
Georgie: No. It's this old lady. She keeps getting me to run her errands and do her chores.
Missy: You don't even do that here.
Georgie: I know. [pager beeping, vibrating]
Missy: She's not your grandma. Just call her back and say no.
Georgie: You're right. [picks up phone]
[cut to Georgie and Mildred in his car with a bunch of plants in the back-seat:]
Mildred: Thanks again.
Georgie: Uh-huh. What're you gonna do with all these plants?
Mildred: Put them in my garden.
Georgie: Sounds like a lot of work. [Mildred smiles at Georgie] Aw, man.

["Crazy" by Patsy Cline playing on radio]
June: Turn it up. I love that song. [singing along] ♪ Crazy ♪ ♪ I'm crazy for feeling ♪ ♪ So lonely ♪
Meemaw: You know, they got karaoke at the lounge.
June: ♪ I'm crazy ♪ [off-key] ♪ Crazy for feeling ♪ ♪ So blue ♪
Meemaw: Wow. That's some voice you got.
June: Thank you.