Dr. John Sturgis: [laughs] Trying to solve unified field theory?
Sheldon: Yes. Who needs a summer program if you can solve what Albert Einstein couldn't. Let's see Caltech say no to this.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, you're not gonna solve this in an afternoon.
Dr. Linkletter: Or ever.

George Sr.: Well, what does he know? He's just a dumb teenager.
Mary: [sighs] I guess it is normal for teenagers to blame their parents for stuff.
George Sr.: Sheldon's normal. That's a shocker.
Mary: Great, the one normal thing he does is blame me.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Someday his kids are gonna tell him he's ruinin' their lives.
Mary: You think?
George Sr.: If he has 'em, they're gonna say it. So probably not.
Adult Sheldon: Joke's on him. I did have kids. And joke's on me. They say it all the time.

George Jr.: Oh, you're out and about early.
Mandy: Yeah, got a lot going on today. Connie's taking me out shopping and then to the salon to get ready for my interview.
George Jr.: Nice. A little mommy-daughter day?
Mandy: Daddy-daughter day. Here ya go.
George Jr.: I have work.
Mandy: Well, I like to think fatherhood is a full-time job.
George Jr.: How am I gonna feed her? I don't have the... you know.
Mandy: Formula's in the bag. Tag, you're it. Bye, CeeCee.

George Jr.: [to CeeCee] Well, looks like it's just me and you. Let me give you the tour. That's Axl Rose. He's awesome. That's the weight bench. That's where Daddy gets ripped. Yeah. And that's the sink your mom totally peed in once. It's true. [chuckles] I know. It's true.

Sheldon: Ooh, Volvo... safe and flashy. Like me.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon... I haven't had my coffee yet.
Sheldon: I thought you might say that.
President Hagemeyer: Thank you. [drinks]
Sheldon: I'm not a coffee drinker. I hope you like seven sugars.

President Hagemeyer: So what's so important it got you outside?
Sheldon: I had an idea that I think might be beneficial to both the university and me. An exclusive summer program led by a prestigious scientist of my choosing.
President Hagemeyer: I've got an idea. Apply to a school that already has it, get in, and go there.
Sheldon: Well, to be honest, with my current résumé, I may not get in anywhere, which is why we need a program like this.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, we don't have the time or the resources to create a brand-new summer program.
Sheldon: Oh, that's just sleepy talk. Take a few more sips, let that sugar kick in.
President Hagemeyer: The answer is no. [walks off]
Sheldon: I knew I should have put whiskey in that coffee.

Wade: Whose baby?
George Jr.: Mine.
Wade: And you brought her to a gambling room?
George Jr.: Why not? There's flashin' lights and fun noises. It's basically Chuck E. Cheese.

Wade: Can I touch her head for luck?
George Jr.: No.
Wade: Come on, I just washed my hands.
George Jr.: Make it quick.
Wade: Come on, baby. Uncle Wade needs a win.
George Jr.: All right, that's enough.
Wade: [beeping, dinging] That's what I'm talkin' about! I told you babies is good luck.
Gwen: Can I touch her head, too?
George Jr.: All right, no one else is touchin' my baby's head... for free.
Gwen: How much?
George Jr.: Five bucks.
Wade: Worth it.
Gwen: Sold.

Meemaw: Hey, dummy. We need to talk.
George Jr.: If it's about CeeCee being here, I can explain.
Meemaw: Where is she?
Eric: Right here.
George Jr.: [whispers] Really?
George Jr.: It's fine. He's got, like, 15 grandkids.
Meemaw: We'll get back to that.

Meemaw: I have spent my day listening to Mandy bitch about you.
George Jr.: Well, I don't suppose you stuck up for me?
Meemaw: No. If you really want to be with that girl, you will not be the one to stand in her way.
George Jr.: I'm not trying to. I just want to do what's best for CeeCee.
Meemaw: Obviously.
George Jr.: Don't you think she deserves a mom who's home with her?
Meemaw: I think she deserves a mom who's happy and supported by her dad.
George Jr.: Huh.

Meemaw: Why is that woman touchin' her head?
George Jr.: I'll handle it. Hey! You got to pay for that.

Sheldon: [sighs] Come on, Cooper.
Dr. Linkletter: See? He's been here since this morning. He won't leave.
Dr. John Sturgis: What do you want me to do?
Dr. Linkletter: Get him to leave.
Sheldon: Oh, good, you're both here. This will go faster with three of us.
Dr. Linkletter: Now, do it! Give him the boot.

Mary: I'm waitin'.
George Sr.: For what?
Mary: The "I told you so." 'Cause I coddled Sheldon and apparently ruined his life.
George Sr.: Oh. I'm not gonna say that. I mean, you did coddle him and I did tell ya... All right, I told you so.
Mary: Thanks for not sayin' it.

Sheldon: Well, I need to do something to stand out.
Dr. John Sturgis: I think you're putting too much pressure on this summer program. You can apply next year.
Sheldon: I can't wait a whole nother year. I'll fall even further behind. And then when I'm applying to Columbia, Sam will be using her letter of recommendation to get into Caltech, and then when I apply to Caltech, they'll say, "Oh, you're from East Texas Tech, too. Well, you must know Sam, she's been here a year longer than you and you'll never catch up."
Dr. John Sturgis: I think you need to calm down.
Sheldon: I can't calm down. I have to keep pushing myself or I'll fall farther and farther behind until I'm a... aging professor in a small university with nothing to show for my work.
Dr. Linkletter: Ouch, I think he's talking about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: I think he's talking about us.
Dr. Linkletter: No.

Sheldon: I'm wasting too much time sleeping at night. In fact, where's the coffee machine? Perhaps it is time I start chasing the caffeine dragon.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, listen to us.
Sheldon: Why should I? You let this happen to me. You failed as my mentors. [Linkletter starts erasing Sheldon's equations from the whiteboard] What are you doing?!
Dr. Linkletter: You're still the student, this is still my office, and it's time for you to leave. [Sheldon turns to Dr. Sturgis]
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm afraid he's right. [Sheldon exits]

Mandy: [gasps] There she is. Hi! Um, why does she smell like smoke?
George Jr.: Oh, she hung out with me in the gambling room.
Mandy: What?
George Jr.: She was a hit. Everybody said she was good luck.

George Jr.: I'd love to see you on TV.
Mandy: Aw.
George Jr.: Then I can say I slept with that girl on TV.
Mandy: Okay, well...

[Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head plays]
Missy: Why are you listening to this?
Sheldon: I was upset, and this was the most angst-filled song I could find in Mom's record collection.

Sheldon: I always assumed that I'd be the youngest student in grad school, and then the youngest person to win the Nobel Prize, and now it's all slipping away.
Missy: No one cares how old you are.
Sheldon: Really? You don't think I get treated special because of my age and intellect?
Missy: I guess you do get everything you want all the time.
Sheldon: See?
Missy: And whenever you're obnoxious it's always, "Poor Sheldon, he doesn't know any better."
Sheldon: Exactly. "Poor Sheldon."

Sheldon: At grad school, everybody's going to be smart. If I'm not the youngest, how am I gonna stand out?
Missy: Sheldon, you're a kid talking about going to grad school. You have no problems.
Sheldon: I knew you wouldn't understand.
Missy: I do. Instead of being a kid genius, you're worried you're just gonna be a regular genius, which is a stupid thing for a genius to worry about.
Sheldon: Well, stupid or not, I may not get to go to Caltech until I'm 15.
Missy: Wait, this is about when you move out?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: I take it back, this is a big deal.

Mandy: All right, let's take a look at our forecast for tonight. Winds from the west are headed our way, taking temperatures down to a cool 43 degrees. But you know what they say in Texas... if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes. [chuckles] Actually, I've never said that, but my Aunt Bonnie does. She's not wrong though, because those chilly days are gonna pass us by, and by the weekend we're looking at sunny and 72.
Adult Sheldon: Mandy was proving that new mothers could do anything anyone else could do. In fact, they could do more, like make their own milk, right there, on camera. [Mandy crosses her arms]
Eric: Everything okay?
Mandy: Not if you live on the coast, because there is a storm front building, so we need to keep an eye on, uh, these clouds right here. [Mandy points with her head] Uh, but there's a low-pressure system building, um, over here... [Mandy turns her back to the camera to point with her arms] And, uh, well, then, that could bring rain to, uh, to this whole area here. [Mandy gestures with her foot] So, for Channel 7 weather, I'm Mandy McAllister. Good night. [Mandy walks off with her arms still crossed]

Sheldon: And I just wanted to say I'm sorry for my behavior. I realized that I'm going to age out of being a child prodigy regardless of your help.
Dr. John Sturgis: I appreciate that. It takes maturity to admit when you're wrong.
Sheldon: I know, even this apology is grown-up. Well, this is all a disaster.
Dr. Linkletter: Son, it's not. Believe me, no one is more excited for you to go to grad school than I am.
Sheldon: I don't know, you should talk to my sister. Anyway, thank you for hearing me out.

Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, Sheldon, I do have some news. I reached out to a colleague who's doing a summer research program at the University of Heidelberg, and I think I can get you in.
Sheldon: Heidelberg, Germany?
Dr. Linkletter: A summer program 5,000 miles away. Only a fool would say no to that.
Sheldon: Well, that would certainly help my grad school applications.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, and they're doing exciting work on superstrings.
Sheldon: Fantastisch. That's German for "fantastic."
Dr. Linkletter: Ich helfe dir beim packen. That's German for "I'll help you pack."

Mary: Shelly, how bad could it be? You started college when you were 11.
Sheldon: Well, it was impressive when I was little and cute. But now that I'm old and cute, it's just not the same thing.
Mary: Well, just 'cause you look older, doesn't mean you're any less special.
Sheldon: Of course. It's your fault.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: Well, you've been saying I'm special my whole life, so now I'm conditioned to expect the world to cater to me instead of taking initiative.
Mary: But you are special, sweetie.
Sheldon: You just can't turn it off, can you?

Sam: Yes!
Sheldon: Hello, Sam. You seem agitated.
Sam: I just got accepted into my summer program.
Sheldon: Oh, summer school. I didn't realize you were struggling. But way to not give up.
Sam: No. It's at Columbia. This is gonna look really good on my grad school application.
Sheldon: Grad school? Those applications are a year away.
Sam: You have to start early. It's so competitive these days.
Sheldon: I think I'll be fine.
Sam: Where are you hoping to go?
Sheldon: Caltech.
Sam: Sheldon, that's one of the toughest programs to get into in the world.
Sheldon: I know, they deserve the best.

Sam: Well, if I were you, I would start building up my résumé now.
Sheldon: Uh, my résumé's pretty good. 4.0, child prodigy. Beloved wherever I go.
Sam: Are you on any published papers?
Sheldon: No.
Sam: Have you presented at any conferences?
Sheldon: No.
Sam: Have you been involved in any outside projects?
Sheldon: I did develop a grant research database.
Sam: Oh, well that's something.
Sheldon: It failed spectacularly.
Sam: Well, hey... at least you're beloved. [train whistle blows]

Meemaw: Want some?
Mandy: No, I'm good.
Meemaw: You sure?
Mandy: Yeah, I slept almost four hours last night. I feel like a tiger.
Meemaw: Good for you.
Mandy: Brushed my hair, I brushed my teeth, I may even go outside today.
Chip: [on TV] Wow, an 80% chance of rain.
Mandy: Never mind.

Meemaw: Who is this guy? Where's perky Heather with today's weather?
Mandy: I don't know, I think the sports guy's filling in.
Chip: [on TV] This storm is just gonna make a full-court press. And just run right on past Houston, right on past Lufkin, all the way over to Medford over here...
Meemaw: He ain't even pointin' at Medford.
Chip: That's a drive that Jack Nicklaus would be proud of right there.
Mandy: I used to do that job. You know, it's not as easy as you'd think. [cheerful voice] You got to look forward, but point backward while reading the script. All with sunshine in your voice.
Meemaw: I could actually hear the sunshine in your voice.
Mandy: Thanks. [CeeCee cries over baby monitor] Now back to CeeCee in the nursery with screaming.

Dr. Linkletter: You're late.
Sheldon: Sorry, I ran into Sam.
Dr. Linkletter: Bright girl. She's going places.
Sheldon: Specifically the physics department at Columbia.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, she got in, fantastic. I know she was hoping to spice up her applications.
Sheldon: Well, I like to think that I'm all the spice my applications will need.
Dr. Linkletter: You're not.

Sheldon: Hold on, should I be trying to beef up my grad school applications?
Dr. John Sturgis: The competition is fierce. It takes a lot to stand out.
Sheldon: You're my advisors, why didn't you advise me of this?
[flashback:]
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, if I could offer you some advice...
Sheldon: No thank you.
[flashback:]
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, I have a recommendation for you.
Sheldon: I have one for you. Trim your nose hair.
[present:]
Dr. Linkletter: Do you remember that?
Sheldon: I do. It looked like a spider was living up there.

George Jr.: What are you doing here?
Mandy: Oh, just looking through some of my old videotapes.
George Jr.: Oh, cool. Wait, you didn't find any of my tapes, did you?
Mandy: What are your tapes?
George Jr.: Nothing.

George Jr.: Well, I'm just sayin' don't you kind of have your hands full with CeeCee?
Mandy: Well, there's a lot of family around to help.
George Jr.: Well, I know, but...
Mandy: And I was always gonna go back to work.
George Jr.: If it's about money, we're good.
Mandy: You live in a garage.
George Jr.: It ain't a garage if there ain't a car in it.
Mandy: Yeah, it is.

Mandy: And it's not about money, it's about my life. I want a career.
George Jr.: Well, I-I happen to think motherhood is a career.
Mandy: Hmm. What about fatherhood? You have a job.
George Jr.: That's different.
Mandy: Why?
George Jr.: Because. There's lots of reasons.
Mandy: Oh, okay, so you just get to have a job and a life, and I have to stay home with the baby?
George Jr.: Or I have to have a job and you get to stay home with the baby. It's all about perspective.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Yes, is this the Columbia summer science honors program? Excellent. My name is Sheldon Cooper, perhaps you've heard of me. Well, now you have. Anyways, it's recently come to my attention that you could be an important step in my career advancement. So, good news, I'm available. Yes, I understand I've missed the deadline, but I'm sure you can make an exception. [emotional] But I'm Sheldon Cooper.

Sheldon: And apparently Doctors Linkletter and Sturgis were aware that I already should have been focusing on my applications.
Mary: And they didn't say anything to you?
Sheldon: Well, they did, but I don't come off well in that story.

Adult Sheldon: I never cared for The Game of Life. [kids shouting] Marriage, children, careers, houses. What kind of life is that? In my game, the milestones are... papers published, degrees earned, Nobel Prizes won. And in my version, I am dominating. But you knew that. Ooh, and instead of cars, you'd ride around in a train. [train whistle blows] Honestly, why aren't they making this?

George Jr.: She's changed and napping. [sits down at the dinner table]
Mandy: You washed your hands, right?
[Georgie stands up and leaves the dining room]

Mary: Shelly, you want some mashed potatoes?
Sheldon: See, there you go again, bringing the mashed potatoes to me when I should be going to the mashed potatoes.
Mary: Fine.
George Sr.: What's goin' on?
Sheldon: Years of coddling have made me complacent, and now it may cost me my chance to get into grad school at Caltech.
George Sr.: I've been sayin' that since you were born.
Sheldon: And yet you did nothing to stop her?

Missy: [to Sheldon] If it helps, I always thought you sucked.
Mary: Missy.

George Jr.: I talked to Meemaw. She said if you come back to work at the video store, you can bring the baby. [off Mandy's look] What? I thought you wanted a job.
Mandy: No, I said I wanted a career.
Mary: Oh, are you thinkin' about going back to work already?
Mandy: Yeah. I mean, it's a little earlier than I thought, but an opportunity came up and I'm going for it.
Sheldon: See? Initiative. Her parents kicked her out, and look at that gumption.

George Sr.: So what job you goin' for?
Mandy: Channel 7's looking for a new weather girl.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah, she said she quit because she was getting married. Rumor is she got knocked up. [chuckles] ... [inhales] Which is exciting.

Mary: Who's gonna watch CeeCee?
Mandy: Well, I was hoping her family would help out.
George Sr.: Of course. I mean, I do work.
Mary: I work, too, George.
George Sr.: We work.

Mary: Well, I didn't work when my kids were babies.
Sheldon: That's true, she was a stay-at-home coddler.
Mary: Okay, now you're being obnoxious.
Missy: No one wants to hear you talk, ass face.
Sheldon: Thanks, I appreciate the help, but let's keep it clean.
Missy: Butt wad?
Sheldon: Better.

Meemaw: Well, that's a look. [off Mandy's look] That's also a look.
Mandy: I can't find anything to wear for my interview.
Meemaw: Well, let's see. Hmm. That's pretty cute.
Mandy: "Can't find" was code for "can't fit into."

Meemaw: Don't be so hard on yourself, honey. You just had a baby.
Mandy: I'll make sure to tell them that. Apparently everyone loves a working mother.
Meemaw: Is that code for something?
Mandy: Yeah, your family sucks.
Meemaw: Ooh, sounds like I missed a good dinner.

Mandy: Am I a bad mom because I want a career?
Meemaw: Hell no! And you're teachin' your daughter that she can grow up to do something more than raise kids.
Mandy: Yeah!
Meemaw: And you're gonna go in there and you're gonna get this job.
Mandy: Yeah!
Meemaw: But not in that.
Mandy: Yeah.