Meemaw: Go home before I call the police.
Sheldon: You wouldn't call the police on your Moonpie.
Meemaw: Then I'll call your mother.
Sheldon: That you would do.
Meemaw: And leave my extra key behind.
Sheldon: Aw.
Meemaw: [mocking tone] Aw.

Mary: How do you plan on delivering these papers?
Sheldon: Bicycle.
Mary: You don't know how to ride a bicycle.
Sheldon: There's nothing I can't learn. A week ago, I didn't know how to take apart a refrigerator.

George: He's gonna be fine.
Mary: You don't have to tell me that. I know he's gonna be fine.
George: If you believe that, why aren't you in bed right now?
Mary: Because this is the same boy who couldn't find his way out of that sleeping bag.
George: He made his way out. Just took him five or ten minutes.

Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie. You've been a wonderful teacher, and I'm very appreciative that you took the ti- Ah! My hands are black! Why are my hands black?
Georgie: Relax. It's just the ink from the papers.
Sheldon: Why wasn't I warned of this?! [running his hands under a tap] Out, damned spot! That's from Shakespeare!

Tam: What's in the mug?
Sheldon: It's a coffee mug, Tam. What do you think is in it?
Tam: Could be soup.
Sheldon: It's coffee.
Tam: Where'd you get it?
Sheldon: The teachers' lounge. And before you ask, no, I'm not the world's greatest grandpa.

Mary: You're gonna teach your brother how to do this.
Georgie: What if I don't want to?
Missy: You're doing it anyway.
Mary: Hey, nobody asked your opinion.
Missy: I knew the answer. I got excited.

Tam: Well, you're in luck. What do you want to know?
Sheldon: I'm being tormented by a sound coming from our refrigerator, and I don't know how to deal with it.
Tam: When my uncle was in a reeducation camp, he would imagine disemboweling his torturers with a bamboo spike.

Missy: You know if you cry, I can't enjoy your pain.
[As Sheldon cries, Missy goes over to hug him]

[Sheldon humming]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: The sound from the refrigerator. It's right between D and D-sharp. Ugh! It's making my skin crawl.
Missy: What if I hold a pillow over your face for, like, a really long time?
Sheldon: No, that's dangerous. Do you know if we have earplugs?
Missy: If we did, I'd be wearing them. Go to sleep.

Missy: Mom, since Sheldon cost you all that money, who's your new favorite Me or Georgie?
Mary: You know I don't have favorites.
Georgie: Yeah, right.
Mary: Okay, whoever takes the trash out first is my favorite.
Missy: She thinks we're stupid.

Adult Sheldon: Some people have said I'm overly sensitive.
Sheldon: [screaming]
George: What now?
Sheldon: Missy gave me cinnamon gum!
George: Sure, sure.

Adult Sheldon: I also had extraordinary hearing. During dinner, I could tune out the cacophony of chewing, slurping, chewing, cutlery scraping against plates, chewing, and my father's heavy breathing as he wrestled with a ketchup bottle.

Mary: Why aren't you eating, Sheldon?
Sheldon: How can I with that horrible noise?
Mary: What noise?
Sheldon: That irritating, high-pitched buzz.
Georgie: I don't hear nothin'.
George: Me, neither.
Sheldon: How can you not?
Missy: Wait. I think I hear it.
Sheldon: You do?
Missy: Yeah. It's coming out of your face.

Missy: Put your fingers in your ears.
Sheldon: And risk driving wax back into my inner ear canal? No, thank you.
[Sheldon resumes humming]
Missy: Oh. [Missy puts her fingers in her ears]

Sheldon: Good morning.
Meemaw: [YELLS] Are you trying to kill me?
Sheldon: No, I think you're great.