George: Hey, Tam. I can't find Sheldon. You know where he is?
Tam: I promised not to say.
George: Tam!
Tam: Lucky for you I'm weak.
[later, as George finds Sheldon's secret study hall:]
George: Are you kidding me?
Sheldon: I knew Tam was weak.

Pastor Jeff: [on the phone with Mary] I know. But we put so much thought into my clothes, we didn't even think about what she'd be wearing.
Georgie: [coming on line] Why? What's she wearing?
Mary: Georgie, you hang up that phone right now!

Mary: And Pastor Jeff asked me to hold him accountable so he doesn't succumb to temptation.
George: Well, how the heck you do that?
Mary: I'm not sure. Probably have to give him the stink eye every so often.

George: The pastor's been married before. Is it really that big a deal?
Mary: Yes, George. It states very clearly in the Bible: "Among you there must not be even a hint of [hushed] sexual immorality."
George: That book is a bummer sometimes.

Coach Wilkins: Everything all right with Sheldon?
George: How much time you got? Why?
Coach Wilkins: Hasn't been in P.E. since Monday.
George: Really?
Coach Wilkins: Mm-hmm.
George: He's here. I drove him. You check the places they like to stuff him?
Coach Wilkins: Lockers, trash cans, those bags we put the footballs in. Nothing.
George: Top of the flagpole?
Coach Wilkins: Nope.

George: I had to get to practice, and I made a decision. He was in the building, he was safe, and he was learning.
Mary: He is never gonna improve his social skills if he's sitting all alone. He has to be around people.
George: Sounds like you know what he needs, go fix it.
Mary: 'Cause I have to do everything, right?
Georgie: Oh. Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight.
George: Get out of here!

Meemaw: Well, maybe Shel is just acting out 'cause he doesn't have his college class to go to anymore. I could ask John's professor friend. Maybe he'd let him sit in on a class.
Mary: And you are just bringing this up now?
Meemaw: I would've said something earlier, but I was enjoying the fight.

Meemaw: And on that fun note, I'll leave you to it.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay for the lecture?
Meemaw: Oh, no, bad idea. I'm told I snore.

George: So, this is nice, huh?
Mary: Yes.
George: [long silence, sighs] Lemon in the water.
Mary: It's weird to look at a menu and not have to wonder what Sheldon won't eat.
George: It got easier when he printed that card for my wallet.
Mary: Still don't know where he got that laminated.

Dr. Linkletter: We don't need open strings. We just connect them to a D-brane.
Sheldon: But your theories can't recreate the known symmetries of the real world.
Meemaw: Everything okay in here?
Sheldon: More than okay. We're having a spirited debate on superstring theory.
Dr. Linkletter: Very spirited.
Meemaw: Well, you ready to go home?
Sheldon: Yes. Unless Dr. Linkletter-
Dr. Linkletter: He's ready.
Meemaw: Well, I guess we'll see you next week.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds good. No wonder Sturgis went crazy.

Pastor Jeff: The bolo tie's too sexy, right? Knew it.

Meemaw: Moon Pie? Good news. You could start going to your college class again.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis is back?
Meemaw: No, but his friend Dr. Linkletter is gonna let you come and take his class.
Sheldon: But I take Dr. Sturgis's class.
Meemaw: I know, but that's not an option right now, and Dr. Linkletter's been nice enough to to let you sit in on his.
Sheldon: But I like the way that Dr. Sturgis teaches.
Meemaw: Well, you might like the way that Dr. Linkletter teaches even better.
Sheldon: Is it lecture-based?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Sheldon: What's his interpretation of quantum mechanics?
Meemaw: I couldn't say.
Sheldon: Where'd he get his doctorate?
Meemaw: From the University of Shut Up and Say Thank You.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Mary: That seems to be going well.
Pastor Jeff: It's going really well. I like her so much.
Mary: Why do you sound sad about it?
Pastor Jeff: Well, this is hard for me to say out loud. But when I'm around her, I find myself having you know...
Mary: I don't know.
Pastor Jeff: [whispers] Man thoughts.
Mary: Oh. But you're the pastor. You can't act on those.
Pastor Jeff: Hence my sadness.

Mary: It's no joke. He could lose his job.
George: I guess I just don't get it.
Mary: Maybe because you only go to church when there's a bake sale.
George: That's not nice.
Mary: It's true.
George: Doesn't make it nice.

Mary: [on the phone] Everything okay?
George: Sheldon locked himself in a broom closet, and he's refusing to go to class.
Mary: What's he doing in a closet?
George: Apparently, learning about Russia.
Mary: Well, what do you want me to do?
George: I want you to handle it.
Mary: You're right there why can't you handle it?
George: 'Cause I'm at work.
Mary: So am I.
George: You know what I mean.
Mary: That you have a real job and I don't?
George: Mary, I have football practice in ten minutes, and I I don't have time to deal with this.
Mary: Well, you're gonna have to, 'cause I'm busy. [hangs up]
Peg: You tell him, sister.