Pastor Rob: Well, hey, y'all. I'm Pastor Rob. I'm, uh, guessing everyone knows what this is.
Missy: [raises hand] The Bible.
Pastor Rob: That's right. That's right. What else is it?
Billy Sparks: [raises hand] The word of God.
Pastor Rob: Excellent. Excellent. You know what else it is? [drops the Bible on the floor] It's just a book.
Sheldon: [whispers] I like him.
Pastor Rob: It's a good book. Got lot of great stories. Instructions on how to live life. But... [picks up the Bible] God is more than just a book. God is real. God is everywhere. And God loves you.
Sheldon: [whispers] He's losing me.

Brenda Sparks: It ain't pretty, but it's private. So, what's up?
George Sr.: Now, don't freak out, but Connie was at the bar asking questions.
Brenda Sparks: What the hell?
George Sr.: It's fine. I handled it. [Brenda sighs] We're all good.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I hope so.
George Sr.: We are. But I think we probably shouldn't go to the bar at the same time for a while.
Brenda Sparks: Okay. You stay home. I'll go.
George Sr.: Why me? That's where I hang out.
Brenda Sparks: I'm single. Who am I gonna meet sitting at home?
George Sr.: I don't know. Mailman? Plumber? I've seen a movie where the pizza delivery boy does pretty well for himself. [both chuckle]

Pastor Rob: Yeah, I bounced around from job to job after college. Never really had a plan for what was next until one day, I felt the Lord call me to his service. [Missy raises her hand] Yes, Missy Cooper. Right?
Missy: How'd you know?
Pastor Rob: Let's see, Mary's your mother, Sheldon's your brother, and I hear you are one heck of a pitcher. I do my homework, y'all.
Sheldon: [whispers] Homework. He's winning me back.

Billy Sparks: What do you know about me?
Pastor Rob: Hmm. Billy Sparks. Sixth grade. Also plays baseball, but maybe not as good as her.
Billy Sparks: Whoa.

George Sr.: When you were married, would you have said that Herschel was your best friend?
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] What married person would say that?
George Sr.: My buddy Wayne.
Brenda Sparks: Does this buddy of yours have kids?
George Sr.: No.
Brenda Sparks: Then what the hell does he know?
George Sr.: He's a very happy guy. It's exhausting. Ooh, I should get going.
Brenda Sparks: Okay. You want to take a chicken for the smoker?
George Sr.: Do I look like a vegetarian?

Dale: You're early.
George Jr.: I was sitting in algebra and realized, don't know what "X" is, don't care what "X" is.
Dale: Boy, I hear "ex" and I think of a woman who took half my stuff. That's my problem.

George Jr.: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: Actually, I wanted to see you yesterday, but you weren't in school.
George Jr.: You noticed that, huh?
Principal Petersen: I've noticed it a lot lately. Level with me, son. Is it drinking? Drugs?
George Jr.: Actually, it's work.
Principal Petersen: Oh. I don't think I have a pamphlet for that. You sure you didn't get a girl in trouble? [holds up pamphlet] You will at some point, just take it.

Missy: You look nice. Oh, no, are we going to church?
Mary: No, your father and I have a date night.
Missy: Why? Don't you have enough kids?
Mary: That is not what date night means.

Mary: You are finishing high school, end of discussion.
George Jr.: It's my life.
George Sr.: It's my house. If you're don't go to school, you can't live here.
Mary: Hold on, we are not kicking him out.
George Sr.: The hell we're not!
George Jr.: I'll pack right now.
Mary: Stop, you don't have to go.
George Sr.: Yes, he does. My house, my rules.
Mary: It is my house, too.
George Sr.: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, really.

Mary: Is Dale here?
Meemaw: Yeah, what's up?
Mary: I would like to have a word with him.
Meemaw: Better him than me. Have at it. [Mary enters] Dale, Mary coming in hot!

Mary: Did you tell Georgie to drop out of school?
Dale: What? No.
Mary: Well, he did, and you had something to do with it.
Dale: Well, no, he was just complaining about school and I told him I dropped out.
Mary: Dale, you know that he looks up to you.
Dale: He does, doesn't he?
Mary: Which is why you need to tell him that he is making a big mistake.
Dale: Oh, I don't think I can do that.
Mary: Why not?
Dale: Well, I don't believe he is.
Mary: How could you say that?
Dale: I did it, worked out fine.

George Sr.: She really took his side?
Mary: I don't want to talk about that.
Meemaw: I thought you two had date night.
Mary: I don't want to talk about that, either.
Sheldon: Why isn't Georgie eating with us?
George Sr.: Let's talk about anything else.

Missy: If Georgie's kicked out, can I have his room?
Mary: We are not kicking Georgie out.
George Sr.: You want to start this up again? Or can we just be mad at your mom and Dale?
Sheldon: And Georgie.
George Sr.: Thank you. And Georgie.
Mary: Let's just eat.

Jana: So I'm datin' a dropout?
George Jr.: No, you're datin' a guy with a full-time job.
Jana: And your parents are okay with this?
George Jr.: They'll come around. By the way, can I crash at your place?
Jana: No! My father already doesn't think you're good enough for me. And I don't want him to know he's right.
George Jr.: He's not right!
Jana: He might be a little right.

George Jr.: I thought you'd be more supportive.
Jana: And I thought we were gonna be seniors together. Homecoming court, prom king and queen. Voted most likely to stay together forever.
George Jr.: We can still stay together.
Jana: They can't vote for you if you're not a senior! [sighs] I don't think this is gonna work out.
George Jr.: You're breakin' up with me?
Jana: Yeah.
George Jr.: You're serious?
Jana: I feel like I don't have a choice.
George Jr.: [sighs] Fine, as a workin' man I shouldn't be dating a girl in high school anyway... it's immature.
Jana: Just take me home.
George Jr.: 'Cause it's a school night? How cute. [awkward silence] Take me back.
Jana: No.
George Jr.: Dang it.

George Jr.: What are you doin' here?
George Sr.: What are you doin' here?
George Jr.: I was hopin' to stay here tonight.
George Sr.: Well, you can't.
George Jr.: This ain't your house.
George Sr.: It ain't yours, either.
Meemaw: It's my house, and I get to say who stays and who goes.
Dale: Okay, well, I'll be going.
Meemaw: Oh, you're staying. [to George] You can go.
Dale: Lucky.

George Jr.: One night here is fine. I'll be workin' more hours now so I'll be able to get my own place soon.
Dale: Yeah, about that. I can't let you work full-time at the store.
George Jr.: What? Why not?
Dale: Well, your parents are pretty upset. I'm not gonna get in the middle of that.
George Jr.: I'll just get a job somewhere else.
Dale: That's your business.

Meemaw: [to John] Here's the deal... you get one night here, then you're out.
George Jr.: And don't ask for cookies. She is in no mood.
Dale: Well... You know who's at my place? No one.
Meemaw: I think I should stay here and keep an eye on these two.
Dale: It wasn't an invite. Just something I was looking forward to. Later.
Dr. John Sturgis: Bye. Did he get a haircut? It looks really nice.

Meemaw: Guess what, I'm buying a Laundromat.
Dale: Uh, I don't know how to react. Is that good news?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah.
Dale: Laundromat. Cool.

Dale: I-I thought you liked being retired... now you want to be a business owner? It's not as much as fun as I make it look.
Meemaw: Listen, I've been gambling my whole life and losing to the house. This is my chance to be the house.
Dale: You go to prison, I ain't waitin' for you.
Meemaw: You really have the energy to find a new girlfriend?
Dale: I'll wait. [Meemaw chuckles]