Meemaw: Hmm, all right, you two try and get some sleep, okay?
Missy: Meemaw? Do you think I gave Dad a heart attack?
Meemaw: What? No. This isn't your fault.
Missy: I was really mean to him.
Sheldon: I was mean to him as well.
Missy: What I did was so much worse.
Sheldon: That is true. When we're receiving our punishment, they should really let you have it.
Meemaw: Okay, y'all go to sleep.
Sheldon: But I was just an accomplice. It wouldn't be fair if we got equal punishment.
Meemaw: Sleep.

Adult Sheldon: My meemaw didn't understand. When I was feeling anxious, it was rules and structure that I found soothing... Not to mention the relaxing melody of the Star Trek theme song.
Sheldon: [humming Star Trek theme]
Meemaw: Stop that.
Sheldon: As soon as I'm soothed. [resumes humming Star Trek theme]

Adult Sheldon: With my father home from the hospital, my mother had instructed us to let him relax. And what could be more relaxing than a spirited discussion of societal rules and morality?
Sheldon: Dad.
George Sr.: What's up?
Sheldon: I'm struggling with an ethical crisis.
George Sr.: Be a kid. Quit struggling.

Pastor Jeff: Just wanted to bring by some get-well cards from the kids at Sunday school.
George Sr.: Well, isn't that sweet.
Pastor Jeff: Some interesting spellings of the name "George." My favorites are "Gorge" and "Garage." [chuckles]
George Sr.: Well, you tell the kids that Coach Gorge appreciates it.
Pastor Jeff: Will do.

George Sr.: You want to sit?
Pastor Jeff: I'm not gonna stay long. I just want to pray over you a little and let you get some rest.
George Sr.: Oh. Okay, yeah, sure.
Pastor Jeff: Lord, I thank you for George Cooper and pray that you heal him from the inside out. This is a good man, a family man, a devoted father and a faithful husband. Bless him and everything he does. Amen.
Mary: Heck yes, amen!

George Sr.: So, what happened?
Missy: You're not gonna believe this, but he was hanging out with another girl behind my back.
George Sr.: Oh, well... Maybe they're just friends.
Missy: Heather M. saw them holding hands at the roller rink. Does that sound like friends to you?
George Sr.: Well... no. [swallows]
Missy: Are all boys liars?
George Sr.: Uh... no.
Missy: I mean, how could he do this to me? I thought I could trust him. Did he think I wouldn't find out?
George Sr.: You know what, kiddo? I think it's time for Daddy to take his heart pills. [pills rattle]
Missy: I'm glad we talked.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Oh, me, too, me, too.
Mary: [enters] Hey.
George Sr.: Hmm?
Mary: I just wanted to let you know I invited Brenda over for a big thank-you dinner.
George Sr.: [spits out water] [chuckles] Oh. Terrific. [sighs; coughs]

George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Trying to fix this radio.
George Jr.: Should you be doing that with a weak heart?
George Sr.: I'm just sitting here.
George Jr.: You look a little sweaty.
George Sr.: What do you want?
George Jr.: I'm gonna go hang out with Jana. Just wanted to make sure you're doing okay.
George Sr.: Hold on. Are you worried I'm gonna have a heart attack and interrupt "private time" with your girlfriend?
George Jr.: Yes.
George Sr.: At least you're honest.
George Jr.: Glad you think so. Bye.
George Sr.: See you.

Sheldon: She did it because Pharaoh ordered all the male babies to be killed.
Missy: That's really in the Bible?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: And Mom won't let me read Judy Blume.
Billy Sparks: Sheila the Great changed my life.

Pastor Jeff: Back to Moses. He was found by Pharaoh's daughter and went on to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, because even when you feel lost, God has a plan for us all.
Missy: [raises hand] What was his plan for the male babies who didn't get rescued?
Pastor Jeff: It's tough to say.
Sheldon: There was a decree to throw them in the river.
Missy: Innocent babies?
Billy Sparks: That is not cool.
Pastor Jeff: That was Pharaoh, that was not God.
Sheldon: But according to you, it's all part of God's plan. How do you sleep at night?

Mary: You both liked it that day I taught Sunday school, right?
Missy: Ugh, with the snake?
Sheldon: I didn't like it, either. But I'm critical of most things.

Mary: We're hiring a youth pastor.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: To help get young kids excited about God.
Missy: The same God who lets babies get thrown in rivers?
Mary: What?
Sheldon: We covered Moses in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well, that was Old Testament God. He gets more fun later.

George Sr.: What's up?
Meemaw: My smoke detector's beeping again. Have you got one of those little batteries?
George Sr.: I think so. Come on in.
Meemaw: Thank you. See, I'm three beeps away from breaking out my shotgun.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I don't even put batteries in ours anymore. Do not tell Sheldon.

Meemaw: I saw Brenda at the grocery today.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah? How's she doing?
Meemaw: I don't know. Something going on with her?
George Sr.: What do you mean?
Meemaw: I was just talking about what happened to y'all at the bar, and she kind of got weird.
George Sr.: Weird how? What'd she say?
Meemaw: Well, it's not so much what she said. Just kind of a vibe I got.
George Sr.: Well, maybe you made her uncomfortable. You do have that effect on people.

George Sr.: [on the phone] So, we got to get our stories straight. Now, wh-what did you tell her?
Brenda Sparks: I told her we weren't together. I was there, and you were there, and other people were there, too.
George Sr.: That's good. That's good.
Brenda Sparks: So, what did you tell her?
George Sr.: I was a little rude and rushed her out of the house.
Brenda Sparks: Don't you do that all the time?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. Oh, I guess we're okay.

George Sr.: Do you have any women friends?
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Mary finally wise up and kick you to the curb?
George Sr.: I'm being serious.
Coach Wilkins: I have plenty of women friends. Matter of fact, my best friend's a woman.
George Sr.: Are you gonna say your wife?
Coach Wilkins: You know I am. She got in the shower with me this morning.
George Sr.: I don't need to hear that.
Coach Wilkins: How could something be so clean and so dirty at the same time?
George Sr.: I'm sorry I asked.
Coach Wilkins: Are you upset 'cause I said she was my best friend and not you?
George Sr.: No.
Coach Wilkins: You're in the top three.
George Sr.: Stop talking to me.
Coach Wilkins: Definitely my best white friend.

Missy: Got a minute?
Sheldon: I'm kind of busy. I'm inventing a system of heraldry for two warring tribes of orcs in my D&D campaign.
Missy: Oh. I was hoping we could talk about atheism.
Sheldon: Much like an orc, I'm all ears.

Mary: All right, you two, get ready for bed. Church in the morning.
Missy: I'm not going.
Mary: What do you mean, you're not going?
Missy: I don't think I believe in God anymore.
Mary: What did you do to her?
Sheldon: Hey, she came to me. I mean, I took the ball and ran with it.
Missy: Look at you with a sports analogy.
Sheldon: We're both evolving. Ooh, evolution. Another thing I'll teach you about.

Adult Sheldon: In physics, potential energy is a fascinating topic. Objects like springs store energy when they're coiled, waiting to unleash their full potential and soar to the heavens. Would you look at me go! Even in toy form, I'm shooting for the stars. While the potential energy of an object can be measured in absolutes, human potential remains more elusive. Sometimes, people seem to have all the potential in the world, but for some reason stay stuck to the ground.

Coach Wilkins: Darlene and I love to go line dancing.
George Sr.: Next.
Coach Wilkins: Let's see. There's the Roundabout.
George Sr.: What's that?
Coach Wilkins: It's a roller rink. They have cool lights and a DJ. It's like a disco.
George Sr.: So, when I said no to line dancing, you thought, "Let's put George on wheels."
Coach Wilkins: Ooh. Take her bowling.
[George pictures Brenda Sparks working at the bowling alley]
George Sr.: I don't want to take her bowling.

Coach Wilkins: Fine. But it doesn't matter where you go. She's just gonna be happy you're trying.
George Sr.: I hope so.
Coach Wilkins: It's nice to see I'm finally rubbing off on you.
George Sr.: I am capable of being a decent husband.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, of course you are.
George Sr.: Don't patronize me.
Coach Wilkins: I could stop, but then what will we have left?