Mary: He doesn't have to pay for food.
Sheldon: Meemaw does eat here for free.
George: That's a separate problem.

Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Missy: I know what you're doing.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm being thorough about these things so we don't fight about them down the line.
Missy: What you're doing is dragging this out because you don't want me to leave.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
Missy: Yes, you are.
Sheldon: Do you know the phrase "pish posh"?
Missy: No, and I don't want to.
Sheldon: It's British, and it's used when someone's opinions are absurd. And you're forcing me to use it. Pish posh! Or, more authentically, [English accent] pish posh!
Missy: I'm done. I know what's mine, and I'm taking it.
Adult Sheldon: One day she said the same thing to her first husband. I like to think I prepared her for that moment.

Meemaw: Chet's gonna swing by and finalize the deal.
Dale: Wait, he's coming over here?
Meemaw: Yeah. Why?
Dale: Well, this is a very shady transaction. I mean, it should be taking place under a bridge or in a parking lot somewhere.
Meemaw: I'm handing him a cashier's check. He's giving me the keys.
Dale: He's gonna know where you live.
Meemaw: I'm in the phone book. I'm not hard to find.
Dale: Well, what if he grabs the check and just skedaddles out of here?
Meemaw: He's our age. He isn't skedaddling anywhere.

Adult Sheldon: I've always had a curious affinity for Laundromats. Perhaps it's the rows of mechanical devices dedicated to a cleaner world. Or maybe it's the hypnotic rotation of spinning clothes on their sudsy journey to a fluffy, stain-free future. Mmm, look at 'em. Where was I? Oh, yes. Laundromats. My meemaw also loved them, but for an entirely different reason.
Meemaw: Banana, banana... Whoo! [laughs]
Adult Sheldon: Personally, I don't care for bananas. It's a texture thing.