President Hagemeyer: Why would I rehire him? He just caused a panic about the supercollider.
Sheldon: They say there's no such thing as bad publicity. That's a quote from P.T. Barnum.
President Hagemeyer: I don't care.
Sheldon: Do you care that the "P" stood for Phineas?
President Hagemeyer: No.
Sheldon: Then I won't tell you what the "T" stood for.
President Hagemeyer: Great.
Sheldon: Taylor.

Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Sheldon: Unbelievable. It's either cartoons or men in their underwear banging their heads together.
Ricky: You complain a lot.
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Ricky: Seriously, dude, you need to relax.
Sheldon: How can I relax? I'm being held captive in a bacterial playground.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] We often regret the things we don't say. There's a lot of things I wish I had said to my dad while he was around. That I appreciated him. That I loved him. Which is why I'm grateful for the times I did tell him how I felt.
Sheldon: Tonight was fun.
George: Yeah? Why is that?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis was here. Everybody talked about science. It was nice.
George: It was.

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, Dr. Sturgis quit right before the semester started. He left me in the lurch.
Sheldon: And this is your chance to be the bigger person.
President Hagemeyer: I don't want to be the bigger person. I'll be the small, petty person. That's way more fun.
Sheldon: Please? It would make me really happy if he came back. And you said yourself my happiness is important to the university.
President Hagemeyer: Are you trying to manipulate me?
Sheldon: Hey, being small and petty is fun.

Meemaw: Thanks for inviting John to dinner tonight.
Mary: Oh, my pleasure.
Meemaw: I've been a little bit worried about him. You know, with what happened last time.
Mary: At least he didn't seem unstable when I talked to him.
Meemaw: The man has a doctorate in science, and he's filling people's grocery bags.
Mary: He actually did a really nice job. He put the heavy things on the bottom. He kept the cold things together.
Meemaw: Mary.
Mary: Well, they don't always do that.