Dale Quote #53

Quote from Dale in the episode Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency

Meemaw: I feel bad beating you like this after you bought me drinks.
Dale: Okay, I tell you what. You want to make it more interesting?
Meemaw: Sure.
Dale: Okay, how about this? If I win, you get a colonoscopy with me.
Meemaw: God, are you still on this?
Dale: Come on, why not?
Meemaw: 'Cause I don't wanna.
Dale: Well, I don't wanna, either, but my doctor said I got to.
Meemaw: Well, my doctor didn't say nothing.
Dale: When was the last time you saw him?
Meemaw: I don't know, it's been a while.
Dale: Yeah, well, like, "six months" a while, "Watergate" a while?
Meemaw: Drop it.
Dale: Uh, last time you saw him, were they using leeches?
Meemaw: I'm about to take this pool cue and beat your doctor to the punch.
Dale: Oh. That long, huh? Look, all I'm saying is you could use a checkup.
Meemaw: I feel fine.
Dale: Okay. At your age, there's nothing wrong with going in...
Meemaw: I'm not going to the doctor, so just... mind your own business.

Dale Quotes

Quote from the episode Potential Energy and Hooch on a Park Bench

Georgie: [o.s.] Did you like school?
Dale: Hated it. I quit and I joined the Army.
Georgie: [o.s.] How was that?
Dale: Less girls, more getting shot at.
Georgie: [enters] Well, at least you made it out alive.
Dale: Well, then I got married. Made me kind of miss getting shot at.
Georgie: Have you ever been happy?
Dale: Ooh, let's see. No.

Quote from the episode A Frat Party, a Sleepover and the Mother of All Blisters

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Meemaw: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Quote from the episode Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting

Dale: Have you tried the meatballs here? They are fantastic.
Meemaw: I haven't. But speaking of meatballs, I hear you're gonna hang out with my son-in-law.
Dale: Yeah.
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Oh. You don't like that at all.
Meemaw: No, it's fine with me. I hope you all go out and have a grand old time.
Dale: Oh. Yeah, well, what's the matter? You afraid I'm gonna find out all your secrets?
Meemaw: Calm down. You're enjoying this a little too much.
Dale: Enjoying it? I'm loving it. Look how mad you're getting. Come on, what's he got on you? Did you do some jail time? Were you a go-go dancer?
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Have you got a tattoo in a naughty place? Can I see it?

‘Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency’ Quotes

Quote from Sheldon

George: Should we get started?
Malcolm Green: Yes.
Adult Sheldon: I realize some people may find the ins and outs of tax law a little tedious, so allow me to spice this story up. Instead of an audit, imagine this is a showdown between two warriors in the most brutal and exciting form of combat there is... chess. Am I the only one who just got chills?
[fantasy:]
Malcolm Green: Let's start with the business deductions from Schedule A on the tax return dated 1989.
Adult Sheldon: I know, bold opening move. Don't worry, I came to play.
Sheldon: Happy to. I've got those receipts right here. Dated, highlighted... and itemized.
Adult Sheldon: Told you. For the next three hours, we battled it out. Two mighty brains locked in mortal tax code combat.
Malcolm Green: Justify this expense.
Sheldon: Our AGI was less than $50,000.
Malcolm Green: Improper classification.
Sheldon: Rolled over from the previous fiscal year.
Malcolm Green: The receipt has barbecue sauce on it.
Sheldon: Dad.
George: Sorry.

Quote from Meemaw

Dale: Well, you're not a fan of doctors, huh?
Meemaw: They never have good news. They just want to find something wrong.
Dale: It's kind of their job.
Meemaw: If something's wrong with me, I don't want to know about it.
Dale: That's dumb.
Meemaw: No, it's not. If I'm gonna drop dead, I'd rather do it quick and leave lookin' good.

Quote from Dale

Meemaw: I'll have the rib eye, medium rare.
Waiter: And for you?
Dale: Uh, just the house salad, please.
Waiter: Very good.
Meemaw: House salad? You watching your figure?
Dale: I have a physical tomorrow.
Meemaw: Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?
Dale: Can't hurt.
Meemaw: It ain't gonna undo years of red meat and beer.
Dale: I'm not trying to undo it, I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.