Meemaw: What are you looking for?
Sheldon: Chest hairs. Is there any chance I'll hit puberty in the next few weeks?
Meemaw: Oh, God, I hope not. Why?
Sheldon: The campus is so big, I'll never make it from one class to another without a solid dose of testosterone.
Mary: Maybe they'll let you leave early so you'll have time.
Sheldon: But the end of the class is when I point out the teacher's mistakes. Everybody loves that.
Mary: I'd say run across campus, but I know how you feel about sweating.
Sheldon: It's the urine of the skin.

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Sheldon: Well, that's what I heard. And if Hawking doesn't let it stop him, then I can't let this cast stop me.
Missy: Great. Go back to sleep.
Sheldon: I will, and I'll do it all by myself. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty
Missy: Oh, my God.
Sheldon: Little ball of fur Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr Purr, purr.

Georgie: What do you want?
Sheldon: I was hoping you could help me build up my leg muscles to increase my speed.
Georgie: If you don't want people chasing you, be less annoying.

Meemaw: Look, you haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet. They're gonna leave home. They're gonna move to another city.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: They're gonna tell you their loser boyfriend has knocked them up. Just to be clear, that would be you.
Mary: Sorry.
Meemaw: Turned my hair gray overnight.
Mary: I said sorry. Clearly, you're not in the mood to help.
Meemaw: Listen, it's hard being a parent, but if you do it right, they don't need you anymore.
Mary: Well, I don't like that. I get it, but I just don't like it.
Meemaw: Well, I'd point out, you'll always have your husband, but you want me to be "helpful".