Lawrence: I like your conductor's uniform.
Sheldon: You know what they say. Dress for the job you want. Do I get an "ask me" button, too?
Lawrence: Well, thank you for asking, and yes, you do. I'll be right back. [exits]
Sheldon: Do you see that bell? That's from Texas and New Orleans locomotive number 701. I'd tell you more, but you haven't contributed the suggested donation.
[Sheldon stares at Meemaw until she puts some money in the donation box]
Sheldon: Number 701 was built in 1930 by the Baldwin Locomotive Works. It was a superheated 44 class GS-1 with ...
Meemaw: I want my money back.
Lawrence: Here you go.
Sheldon: Thank you. [to Meemaw] I know you're supposed to pick me up at 4:00, but I may live here now.
Meemaw: Send me a Christmas card.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Adult Sheldon: Presenting... "Sheldon Cooper's Top Five Sources of News From My Childhood". Number five: Star Trek Fan Club Magazine.
Sheldon: Mom, DeForest Kelley's favorite episode is "The Empath."
Mary: Good to know.
Adult Sheldon: Number four: the Weather Cube from RadioShack.
Man: [from device] The humidity is 90% with a dew point of 79.5 degrees.
Sheldon: Mom! The dew point is 79.5 degrees.
Mary: [o.s.] Okay.
Adult Sheldon: Number three: The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour. Such a great theme song.
Sheldon: [hums] Buh-buh-bum.
Adult Sheldon: Number two: Meemaw after a few beers.
Meemaw: It took a while, but we finally picked a new name for my bowling team: The Ball Busters.
Sheldon: Hey, Mom. Guess what Meemaw named her bowling team? The Ball...
Adult Sheldon: And the number one source of news from my childhood: the bulletin board at the train store. News about trains in a store full of trains. Yummy.
Sheldon: How did this not make The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour?

Meemaw: Alls I'm saying is people aren't always in the mood.
Sheldon: Well, they should be. I'm happy to learn any fact at any time.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Sheldon: Yes.
Meemaw: Grab my knitting bag.
Sheldon: I don't recommend driving while knitting. Your reflexes aren't what they used to be.
Meemaw: Just look in the bag! Did you know that there are three different kinds of yarn?
Sheldon: I didn't.
Meemaw: You got your animal, like wool. Your plant, like cotton. And your synthetic, like acrylic.
Sheldon: Interesting.
Meemaw: You think so? I'm glad to hear that. Because each one of them has plusses and minuses, and you're about to hear them all in mind-numbing detail.

Mary: [eating pop corn] Get him, Dalton. Get him.
George Jr.: Mary Cooper, what are you doing?
Mary: Nothing.
George Jr.: Why are you watching Road House?
Mary: Why aren't you at work?
George Jr.: I asked you first, and my question is way more interesting.
Mary: It was just on. I don't even know what that is.
George Jr.: Then how'd you know his name's Dalton?
Mary: I don't have to explain myself to you.
George Jr.: This is a pretty dirty movie.
Mary: How do you know? It is rated R.
George Jr.: For violence, language and sexual content. You should be ashamed of yourself.