Missy: Maybe, if we make a wish at the same time we could switch places.
Veronica: You think?
Missy: It's worth a try.
Veronica: Okay. What do we need to do?
Missy: We close our eyes and at the exact same time say, "I wish I could switch places."
Veronica: Ready? One, two, three.
Both: I wish I could switch places. Well?
Missy: I'm still here. You?
Veronica: Same.
Missy: That's too bad. I really wanted to drive home. Can I anyway?
Veronica: Sure.
Missy: Really?
Veronica: No.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

George Sr.: You mind putting down my kid?
Clint Watson: We were just playing around.
Veronica: This is my mom's boyfriend, Clint.
George Sr.: Hello, Clint. What can we do for you?
Clint Watson: I'm here to pick up Veronica. Come on.
George Sr.: You want to go with this man?
Veronica: No, sir.
George Sr.: You heard her. Thanks for stopping by.
Clint Watson: You really want to mess with me?
George Sr.: Sure. Why not?
[THUDDING OUTSIDE]
Mary: What's going on out there?
George Sr.: You might want to call the police.
Mary: Why?
George Sr.: There's a bum sleeping on our front porch.

Meemaw: John, I've already been married once. I wasn't really planning on ever doing it again.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not?
Meemaw: I was somebody's wife for a long time. I just like being Connie Tucker now. Not Mrs somebody else's name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what if I took your name? John Tucker, it sounds great. Like a football player or an astronaut.