Meemaw: What is going on?
Mary: Well-
Meemaw: Well, what?
Mary: I'm trying to say it.
Meemaw: You woke me up. Spill it or I'm going back to bed.
Mary: I'm pregnant.
Meemaw: I'm awake now.

Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

George Sr.: What's going on? You all right?
Mary: I'm not feeling great.
George Sr.: Is it a pregnant thing? 'Cause I got some good news on that. I got a decent raise.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
George Sr.: What do you mean it doesn't matter? We can pull this off now.
Mary: I lost the baby.
George Sr.: Oh.
Mary: You're probably relieved, huh?
George Sr.: Actually no. I love the first three. Fourth one's a charm, right?

Rabbi Schneiderman: Can I ask how your parents feel about this?
Sheldon: Well, when I presented them with my plan, the words "over my dead body" were used.
Rabbi Schneiderman: [chuckles] I'm not surprised.
Sheldon: But they were similarly resistant when I wanted to get an ant farm and eventually they came around.
Rabbi Schneiderman: All right, here's what I'm gonna tell you to do. Read your Bible.
Sheldon: Already did, cover to cover.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Really?
Sheldon: Quiz me.
Rabbi Schneiderman: No, that's okay, I believe you. All right, my advice to you is to stay with the faith of your parents.
Sheldon: What else you got?
Rabbi Schneiderman: Okay. Then I'm gonna tell you to be your own man.
Sheldon: But I want to be a great scientist like Albert Einstein.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Sheldon, when your days are over, God will never ask you, "Why weren't you Einstein?" But he might ask you, "Why weren't you Sheldon?"

Sheldon: Hello.
Ms. Fenley: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'd like to learn to play the violin.
Ms. Fenley: Really? Well, that's terrific. Do you have any experience with stringed instruments?
Sheldon: Stringed instruments, no. String theory, yes. That was a joke. I'm a joker.