Sheldon: Why is there still a placemat there?
Mary: That's your father's seat.
Sheldon: But he's not here.
Mary: He's here in spirit.
Sheldon: No, he's not.
Missy: Shut up, Sheldon.

Dale: Hey, you know, when I was young and lost and mad at the world, picking up a guitar kept me from going down a bad road.
Meemaw: So, what're you saying? Missy and Sheldon should form a band?
Dale: Worked for the Carpenters.
Meemaw: Put some pants on.
Dale: [plays guitar and sings] ♪ I got no pants ♪ ♪ On my legs ♪

Dale: Hey, how's it going over there?
Meemaw: Well, about as good as you could hope. Just worried about Mary.
Dale: Is she hitting the bottle?
Meemaw: Hitting the Bible, hard.
Dale: Well, that's not that bad.
Meemaw: Well, she's pushing away her children just when they need her the most.
Dale: Other than being there for them, what else can you do?
Meemaw: I don't know.

Meemaw: Is this what you do when I'm not here?
Dale: You could've walked in on a lot worse.

[future:]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Get dressed.
Adult Sheldon: But I'm busy. I'm writing about my last few days in Texas before going to Caltech. It's very emotional.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I can see that. Hit the showers.
Adult Sheldon: [stammers] I'm right in the middle. Mom's going off the rails, I'm holding the whole family together. This is riveting stuff.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, I am leaving in an hour and you are coming with me. [Sheldon coughs] Stop it. You are not sick.
Adult Sheldon: You're not that kind of doctor. You don't know.

[future:]
Amy Farrah Fowler: We should start getting ready.
Adult Sheldon: Oh, hold on. Want to see something neat?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Is it you starting to get ready for your son's hockey game? Because that would be neat.
Adult Sheldon: Oh, I'm not going to that. But check this out. My first laptop from 1994.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Terrific. What do you mean you're not going?
Adult Sheldon: Children on skates hitting a rubber puck with a stick. Why would I want to see that?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Because Leonard is your son, and he is one of those children.
Adult Sheldon: This is why I wanted to wait until cloning was possible. Because the old-fashioned way got us a hockey player.

Pastor Jeff: Sheldon, what you got there?
Sheldon: An IBM ThinkPad.
Pastor Jeff: Does that seem appropriate for church?
Sheldon: It's a miracle of technology. [stands up] Luddites, this is a portable computer. 50 megahertz of processing power, four megabytes of RAM. Behold and worship.
Adult Sheldon: What a mischievous imp I was.

Pastor Jeff: Let me remind you that Emmanuel means "God with us," and I promise you, he is. Now, let's all bow our heads in silent prayer.
[As Pastor Jeff, Mary and the rest of the congregation lower their heads, Sheldon pulls something out a bag]
Mary: What is that?
Sheldon: It's my new laptop. Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter gave it to me as a graduation gift. [laptop beeps]
Mary: Why is it here?
Sheldon: It's a laptop. This is where my lap is.
Missy: Does it have games on it?
Sheldon: Solitaire and Minesweeper.
Missy: Let me try.
Sheldon: No.
Mary: Put it away.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, Coopers? Is there an issue?
Mary: No, no. Keep praying. We'll, uh, catch up.

[future:]
Amy Farrah Fowler: I would love to dissect your brain to see which part is missing.
Adult Sheldon: Or you'll find an all-new structure no one's ever seen before, an evolutionary leap forward.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Don't push me, I have a bone saw. [exits]
Adult Sheldon: All these years, and the passion is still there.

[future:]
Amy Farrah Fowler: And since when do you go out of your way to make other people happy?
Adult Sheldon: How about once a year on your birthday?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Other than that, when?
Adult Sheldon: All the time.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, while I was giving birth, you Zoomed in to a seminar.
Adult Sheldon: You were taking forever to dilate, and I had already made my contribution to the project. Which, need I remind you, was on your birthday.

Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] Even as a child, I was always doing things to make other people happy.
[future:]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Doing things to make other people happy? You've got to be kidding me.
Adult Sheldon: [stammers] Don't read over my shoulder.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, are you writing your memoir or a fantasy novel?
Adult Sheldon: For your information, the word "memoir" comes from "memory," and these memories are mine.

Adult Sheldon: It had been 27 days since my father's funeral and everyone was still understandably out of sorts.
Mary: Finish up, we got to get to church.
Sheldon: We already went Wednesday and Thursday.
Missy: Isn't that enough?
Mary: Jesus died for you. He didn't ask if that was enough.

Pastor Jeff: Before our final prayer, would anyone else like to say a few words?
Mary: Missy? [Missy shakes her head] Shelly?
[Sheldon stands up and walks up to the microphone]
Sheldon: I've been thinking a lot about the last moments I had with my dad. It was morning, and he was leaving for work. He said, "See y'all later." And I said nothing. I regret that. I could have said "bye" or asked him for a ride. Or told him that I loved him. But I didn't. I barely noticed he left. So many times that I didn't notice my father. I hope he knew how much I loved him.
Adult Sheldon: I wish I could tell you I said all those things. But I didn't.
Mary: Shelly? [Sheldon shakes his head] [Mary shakes her head to Pastor Jeff]
Pastor Jeff: Let's bow our heads in prayer.
All: Our Father, who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name...
Adult Sheldon: For a long time, I focused on my father's shortcomings. Now that I'm his age and have kids of my own, I realize he was just a person doing the best he could, and he did a lot. I didn't say it at his funeral, but I can say it now. I loved my father. I will miss him forever.

Coach Wilkins: [sobs]
Principal Petersen: Okay. Okay. Uh, what Wayne here is trying to say, uh, is, uh, George was a hell of a coach. He was a hell of a friend. And we're gonna miss him a hell of a lot. [microphone feedback]
Coach Wilkins: Thank you.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.