Sheldon: Why can't I go there full-time?
Mary: Oh, baby, it's an hour away. We can't drive you back and forth every day.
Meemaw: I'm the one who's been driving him.
Sheldon: And she loves it.
Meemaw: How can he be so smart and so clueless at the same time?

Mary: Sheldon! Come back in here!
Sheldon: I guess we'll find out what happened.
Missy: I already know what happened. Mom won.

Sheldon: That's not true.
Missy: You can't even take care of your own boo-boos.
Sheldon: For your information, every college is staffed with a medical professional. My boo-boos will be well-tended to.

Sheldon: At least Dad's on my side.
Missy: Doesn't matter. Mom's gonna win. She always does.
Sheldon: But I have to leave for college at some point.
Missy: If you went to college, you know what would happen?
Sheldon: I'd enjoy higher learning?
Missy: You would die. You would curl up on the floor and die.

Mary: Will you help me, please?
Meemaw: Sorry, I'm not a part of this conversation.

George Sr.: I understand all that.
Mary: Then why are you pushing so hard for this?
George Sr.: Because these schools are interested now. It's like football recruitment. You got to strike while the iron's hot.
Mary: This is nothing like football.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah? What if he stops being smart and they don't want him anymore?
Mary: How is that gonna happen?
George Sr.: I don't know. Conks his head?

Mary: You honestly think that little boy's ready for college?
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't think he was ready for high school, but here we are, a year and a half in, and no one got hurt.
Mary: That is different. He's got you and Georgie over there, and he's still living at home with his mother and his sister.
Meemaw: And me.
Mary: Sure.

Mary: Shelly, go to your room. The adults need to talk.
Sheldon: Given the events of the day, I would argue I am an adult and should be treated as one. [arriving in his bedroom] I probably could've said that differently.

George Sr.: And not just that. Colleges are already sniffing around to recruit him.
Mary: What do you mean, colleges? He's ten.
Sheldon: Principal Petersen said Caltech is interested.
Mary: Where's Caltech?
Sheldon: California, Mom.
Mary: California?!
Meemaw: It has "Cal" right there in the name.
Mary: You're not a part of this conversation.
Sheldon: The "tech" is for "technology."

George Sr.: Can you believe it? Perfect score.
Meemaw: Good job, moon pie.

George Sr.: So what's this mean?
Principal Petersen: It means he pitched a perfect game, George. I've already gotten calls from colleges who want to meet him.
George Sr.: For, like, scholarships and stuff?
Principal Petersen: For everything! They might even pay you to get him.
George Sr.: My man!
Sheldon: When was the last time you washed your hands?
George Sr.: Come on!

George Sr.: What's up?
Principal Petersen: We got the PSAT results back, and Sheldon got a perfect score.
Sheldon: Neat.
George Sr.: Thanks, Tom. I'll be sure to put that up on the fridge.
Principal Petersen: No, you don't understand. Sheldon's the only kid in the school to ever do this. At his age, maybe in the whole country.
Sheldon: It was fun. I enjoyed it.

Principal Petersen: Gentlemen, good news.
George Sr.: I had a feeling.

Sheldon: Hello!
George Sr.: Oh.
George Sr.: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I got called to the principal's office.
George Sr.: So did I. What, you do something wrong?
Sheldon: Not that I'm aware of. Did you?
George Sr.: I hope not.
Sheldon: Maybe it's good news.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you ever been called to the principal's office for good news?
Sheldon: Never.

George Sr.: Uh-huh. Okay. I'll be right there.
Coach Wilkins: What's up?
George Sr.: Principal wants to talk to me.
Coach Wilkins: Ooh.
George Sr.: Grow up.

Ms. Ingram: Mm-hmm. I'll tell him. Sheldon, you need to go to the principal's office.
Students: Ooh!
Sheldon: You do that every time. Why?

Sheldon: Thank you, but I will no longer be needing these.
Ms. Fenley: You're giving up so soon? What happened? Did it hurt your fingers?
Sheldon: No. I'm following the advice of a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman from Temple Judea in Houston.
Ms. Fenley: Is this another one of your jokes?
Sheldon: No. If it were a joke, your mouth would be open and the sound "ha-ha" would be coming out.

George Sr.: Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
Principal Petersen: Pretty busy. Make it quick.
George Sr.: It turns out I don't need that raise.
Principal Petersen: What happened, you win the lottery?
George Sr.: No, no.
Principal Petersen: Aw, George, I am so sorry.
George Sr.: Well, what can you do?
Principal Petersen: Listen, I cleared your raise already, why don't you just keep the money.
George Sr.: Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Principal Petersen: No. No, I mean it. It's yours.

Adult Sheldon: Once again, I brought my mother so much joy she was moved to tears. I don't know how I do it.

Sheldon: [knocking] Dad? [knocking] SHELDON: Mom?
Mary: Yeah, Shelly?
Sheldon: I just thought you should know I'm not going to be Jewish. I'm going to remain the atheist Baptist you've come to love.
Mary: Good to hear.
Sheldon: Are you crying?
Mary: [sighs] Yeah, but don't worry, everything's okay.
Sheldon: Good.