President Hagemeyer: Wh-What am I looking at?
Sheldon: My proposal for next semester's curriculum on string theory. I may be leaving, but that doesn't mean you can't attract more brilliant minds by staying on the cutting edge.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, you are not a professor here.
Sheldon: Oh, I know. If I were to teach, it would be at a much better university than this one.
President Hagemeyer: And, in 54 days, you will no longer be a student here. Not that I'm counting.
Sheldon: True, we should relish these moments.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I'm relishing. Look at me relish.

Adult Sheldon: I always believed my extraordinary life would be chronicled in numerous biographies. I even used to make up my own titles. My favorites were: "From Texas to Success: the Sheldon Cooper Journey", and "Cooper for Kids", a pre-school introduction to quantum gravity in superstrings. The point is, I knew my formative years would be well-documented, which meant I needed to polish up some of my early academic credentials, especially East Texas Tech.

Meemaw: What are you doing here?
Mary: Helping.
Meemaw: I thought I was a disappointment.
Mary: I can be disappointed with you and still not want you to go to jail.

Audrey: Excuse me, are you implying my husband isn't allowed to speak his mind?
Georgie: Well, if we're gonna put cards on the table, yeah.
Audrey: [laughs] That isn't true. Tell him, Jim.
Jim: Uh...
Mandy: Like he can say anything now that you put him on the spot.
Audrey: He isn't on the spot. He is a grown man. Speak. [Jim is silent]
Mandy: Stop bossing him around. He will speak when he wants to.
Georgie: You want to get some popcorn?
Audrey: Oh, please, I've been married to the man for 35 years...
Jim: Yeah.
Audrey: ...I know what he wants.
Mandy: Maybe what he wants is for you to get off his back.
Audrey: Oh, look who's an expert on marriage after one whole month.

Audrey: I heard you took CeeCee to Dr. Talanda.
Mandy: We did. And he was very good. Thank you.
Audrey: No need to thank me. I just want the best for my granddaughter.
Jim: Well, that's what we all want.
Mandy: Funny thing. Uh, Talanda said it's actually okay for CeeCee to have her pacifier to sleep.
Audrey: Who's raising this baby, him or you?
Georgie: We are. And I think we're doing a dang good job of it.
Audrey: I was talking to my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I love this commercial. The dog eats the cat food. [laughs]
Mandy: Georgie can talk, okay? That's how our marriage works.

Officer Rhonda Thomason: 40 hours. Not bad.
Meemaw: It might've been 42, but I rounded down.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: And you did all the work by yourself?
Meemaw: Yes, ma'am.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: You know I called your daughter to check up on you.
Meemaw: Oh. [chuckles] What did she say?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: She said you worked your butt off.
Meemaw: Well, there you go.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: All right, then. I'll see you next week.
Meemaw: You know, you were pretty rough on me the other day, and I just want to let you know that I appreciated that.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: You do?
Meemaw: Well, I think it was the kick in the pants that I needed. [chuckles] And since things are going so well, I was wondering it you might want to reduce my sentence. [Officer Thomason is silent] See you next week.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Bye now.
Meemaw: [waves] Bye.

Sheldon: Finished organizing the religious items. I separated them by New Testament hokum, Old Testament hokum, and general nonsense.
Mary: Also, Sheldon couldn't sleep knowing the room was only half-organized.
Sheldon: It's true. It was like my brain was itchy and I couldn't scratch it. Very irritating.
Mary: It was. [mouths] Very.
Meemaw: Well, I thank you both, but... I should be doing this myself.
Mary: Yes, you should, but we're already here.
Sheldon: Great, I'm gonna start on the books. I invented my own Dewey Decimal System, but instead of decimals, I use fractions.

Georgie: And if you want the truth, I think your mom was right about the doctor.
Mandy: Excuse me?
Georgie: Our doctor rubbed alcohol on one arm and gave CeeCee the shot on the other arm.
Mandy: He did?
Georgie: He did. Look, your mom shouldn't have made an appointment behind our backs, but our guy might be ready for the glue factory.
Mandy: Maybe you're right.
Georgie: I'm confused, do I like this or not?

Mandy: What are you doing to me? For the past couple of days you've been agreeing with everything that I say.
Georgie: You're right.
Mandy: Stop it.
Georgie: I'm sorry. It was suggested to me that agreeing with you is the key to a happy marriage.
Mandy: By my dad?
Georgie: I don't recall.
Mandy: Georgie...
Georgie: By your dad.
Mandy: Do my parents sound happy to you?
Georgie: I don't know, they're still married.
Mandy: Well, I want us to be better than that.
Georgie: I agree.
Mandy: Oh, cut it out.
Georgie: No, I meant that one.

Mandy: Huh. Meat's a little dry, isn't it?
Georgie: No, I like it like this.
Mandy: You don't think it's too salty?
Georgie: It's perfect. I love your cooking.
Mandy: My mom made this.
Georgie: Oh, well, now that you mention it, it is a little dry.
Mandy: I made it.
Georgie: What are you doing to me?

Mary: You are unbelievable. You think that the rules don't apply to you. And that when you get caught, it just becomes everybody else's problem.
Meemaw: Oh, come on! He's sorting out a room full of junk. This is his Disneyland.
Mary: What about Georgie? What about the gambling room? He could've gone to jail.
Meemaw: I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.
Mary: Yeah, me, too. [exits]

Mary: What's he doing here?
Sheldon: Meemaw's letting me organize everything.
Mary: You're farming out your community service to my son?
Meemaw: How about thanks for getting him to the church?
Mary: [exhales] Come on, Sheldon, we're going home.
Sheldon: But I haven't even started on the hats yet. There's so many different kinds. Baseball, cowboy, hard...
Mary: Now. [Sheldon groans]

Sheldon: Toy.
Meemaw: Toy.
Sheldon: Taxidermy.
Meemaw: Taxidermy. Toy?
Teddy Bear: [music plays] Hi. My name is Teddy Ruxpin. Can you and I be friends?
Sheldon: Nightmare.
Meemaw: I'll start a new box.

Georgie: What's going on?
Mandy: [sighs] My mother made CeeCee an appointment with a new doctor and she didn't even ask.
Georgie: What? Oh, no.
Mandy: I am furious.
Georgie: As you should be.
Mandy: You don't think I'm overreacting?
Georgie: Not at all. I agree with you.
Mandy: Sometimes I just don't understand what she's thinking.
Georgie: Well, how could you? You two are just... so different.
Mandy: Thank you. [hugs Georgie]

Sheldon: Wow. What a mess.
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: You want me to organize this whole room in two days?
Meemaw: I do.
Sheldon: Oh, boy. Thank you, Meemaw.