George: Hey, Connie.
Meemaw: What did you say to her?
George: Nothing. Just what a great grandma you are. And what a great great-grandma you are.
Meemaw: Well, you made it worse.
George: I'm sorry, I... I did my best.
Meemaw: Well, your best stunk.
George: [sighs] So now what?
Meemaw: I got no choice. Got to bring in the big guns.

Meemaw: Oh, come on, there must be some criminals out there that you could be focused on. Not some old granny with slot machines. Go out there and harass somebody who actually deserves it.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: You done?
Meemaw: Yes, I think I am.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: My turn. You are a criminal. And I can treat you however the hell I want, because I own your tired old ass. And I will make your life miserable unless you shape up and shape up fast. Do we understand each other?
Meemaw: Yes, ma'am.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: To be clear, what are you?
Meemaw: A criminal.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: And what do I own?
Meemaw: My tired old ass.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I'm gonna come back in a couple of days. This room better be spic and span.
Meemaw: It will be. Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Oh, say hi to George for me.

Officer Rhonda Thomason: Working hard?
[Meemaw tosses away the romance book she was reading]
Meemaw: Hey. Oh. [chuckles] What brings you by?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Your son-in-law dropped in to see me.
Meemaw: Oh, y'all know each other?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: We do.
Meemaw: Small world.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: It did not go your way.
Meemaw: No?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: No.
Meemaw: Well, you can't blame a gal for trying.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Actually, I can.

Georgie: Yeah, life would be so much easier if they just realized how alike they are.
Jim: Don't say that. Don't ever say that.
Georgie: We're alone in a closet. You said I could speak my mind.
Jim: Yeah, yeah, but not that.
Georgie: So where?
Jim: Nowhere. They, uh... they'll know.

Jim: Why are you arguing with her?
Georgie: What? I was just trying to be a good husband, and take Mandy's side.
Jim: Okay, you know a great time to take Mandy's side? When you're alone with Mandy. And when you're with Audrey...
Georgie: Take Audrey's side.
Jim: Okay, there's hope for you. When you're alone with me in a closet, feel free to speak your mind.
Georgie: Seems a little complicated.
Jim: Oh, it is.

Audrey: Georgie? I ran into Amanda's old pediatrician and he said he could take CeeCee on as a new patient.
Georgie: Thanks, but she already has a doctor.
Audrey: Yes. Well, Dr. Talanda is the best.
Georgie: Okay, look. I know you're trying to help, but Mandy al...
Jim: Oh, oh, oh, look at that. That can't be right. Georgie, come here. Walk with me for a minute.
Georgie: Where we going?
Jim: Shut up. Keep walking.

George: Well, uh... you may not know this, but, uh, one of your... clients happens to be my mother-in-law.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Connie Tucker.
George: She's a character, ain't she?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: And she asked you to come down here to see if I would go easy on her?
George: What? No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: 'Cause she thinks she deserves special treatment?
George: Yeah, well, you're just hitting the nail on the head today.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Let me ask you a question. Would you give one of your players special treatment if they were ducking practice?
George: No, if anything, I'm tougher on those kids.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: So if I understand you, you're saying I should be tougher on your mother-in-law.
George: I just made it worse, didn't I?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
George: Okay, then. Thanks for the grapes.

Mandy: And stop defending her.
Georgie: I'm not defending her. I was just taught to respect my elders.
Mandy: I'm your elder.
Georgie: When I say that, you get mad.
Mandy: Yeah, 'cause you shouldn't say it.
Georgie: Yes, ma'am. [nods]
Mandy: Oh. Oh, you think you're funny?
Georgie: No, ma'am. [shakes head]
Mandy: Mm-hmm. [exits]

Mandy: How could you not take my side?
Georgie: Sorry, but we don't really know what we're doing. [Mandy scoffs] I mean, I don't. You are a natural.
Mandy: We're her parents. We should decide how to raise her.
Georgie: Okay, but your mom's done this before. I mean, she raised you. And you're pretty great.
Mandy: Do you honestly think I'm gonna fall for that?
Georgie: No, you're way too smart.
Mandy: Oh, cut it out.

Meemaw: By chance, would you talk to her for me?
George: I'm sorry. Are you asking me for a favor?
Meemaw: Yes.
George: Mm. I didn't hear the magic word.
Meemaw: How about this? Why don't you pay me back the money I gave you for the down payment on this house?
George: Thank you. Was that so hard?

Meemaw: I got her on my ass, I got Officer Thomason on my ass.
George: Who's that?
Meemaw: My probation officer.
George: Mm. Wait. Rhonda Thomason?
Meemaw: You know her?
George: Yeah. Her kid's on varsity. Nice lady. Brings grapes to halftime.
Meemaw: She could get the judge to reduce my hours, but she won't do it.
George: Yeah, like I said, nice lady.

George: So, how'd the first day of giving back to the community go?
Meemaw: I sorted a pair of work pants that had a prosthetic leg still in it. [George snorts] Shut up.
Mary: Oh, don't be so dramatic.
Meemaw: 180 hours, Mary.
Mary: Only 174 to go.
Meemaw: You're enjoying this, aren't ya?
Mary: Darn tootin'.

Meemaw: Six hours. All day long for six lousy hours.
Mary: I gave you six, you worked four.
Meemaw: Felt longer.
Mary: Most people work eight.
Meemaw: Most people get paid.
Mary: Most people don't commit crimes.
Meemaw: Sure they do. They just don't get caught.

Mandy: What are you waiting for?
Georgie: Well, your mom was just saying if we give it to her every time she's cranky, she'll never learn.
Mandy: Oh, is that what she said?
Audrey: I'm just trying to help.
Mandy: I told you we don't need your help.
Georgie: We don't?
Mandy: What do you think? [Constance continues crying]
Georgie: Well... [Mandy grabs the binky and walks off] Should I go after her?
Audrey: You're her husband. You decide.
Georgie: [to himself] Why won't anybody tell me anything?

Georgie: Hey, we got any fresh binkies? I found this one in her diaper.
Audrey: Drying rack. [Constance crying o.s.] Or... you could just let her soothe herself.
Georgie: What do you mean?
Audrey: Well, if you give her a pacifier every time she fusses, she'll never learn.
Georgie: So, I should just let her cry?
Audrey: Whatever you think is best.
Georgie: Can't you just tell me?